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«Если не будешь со мной, то не будешь ни с кем» | Бывший облил бензином и поджег
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Victims of domestic violence and those who want to understand the signs of abusive relationships.
TL;DR
A woman recounts how her former partner, who began the relationship with lavish courtship, dragged her into debt, cheated on her, physically abused her, and ultimately doused her with gasoline and set her on fire. The story spans years of manipulation, court proceedings, and attempts to protect herself.
Key Takeaways
- The abuser's extravagant courtship with daily flowers and gifts created a fairy-tale illusion that masked his controlling and manipulative intentions.
- He pressured her into a religious marriage on the first date, using a diamond ring to overwhelm her and accelerate commitment before red flags appeared.
- Financial abuse began when he convinced her to take out large loans for his business, leading to mounting debt and legal consequences that trapped her.
- After she discovered his infidelity and asked him to leave, he escalated to physical violence, including beating her and threatening her with a knife.
- He used legal and social harassment, such as filing false police reports and posting her private information online, to intimidate and control her.
- The victim's past trauma from losing children and a first marriage made her vulnerable to his promises, and she ignored family warnings about his nationality.
- Despite multiple incidents of abuse and legal actions, the system failed to protect her adequately, as he was only briefly detained and continued stalking.
- The abuser's possessive mindset—'if you won't be with me, you won't be with anyone'—drove relentless stalking and threats even after separation.
In This Video
- 00:00Advertisement and New Year's Gift
The author asks viewers to watch the ad and offers a tea set as a gift.
- 01:18Meeting Ali
The protagonist tells how she met Ali at a car service station.
- 02:54Rapid Relationship Development
On the first date, he gave her a ring and proposed a Nikah.
- 03:46Loans and the Beginning of Problems
He asked her to take out a loan for his business, which led to debt.
- 04:58Infidelity and Breakup
The protagonist discovered his infidelity via a security camera and asked him to leave.
- 06:55Violence and Threats
He beat her, threatened her with a knife, and was arrested for 15 days.
- 08:50Harassment and Court Cases
He insulted her on social media, damaged her car, but she won the court case.
Questions & Answers
How did she meet the ex who doused her with gasoline?
She met him at a car service station when her car broke down. He complimented her, gave her flowers for two months, and on the first date gave her a ring and proposed a Nikah.
Why did she take out a loan for her ex?
He asked her to take out a loan for his business, promising a house and travel. She believed in the fairy tale, but the loan grew from 2.5 to 6 million tenge, and she was taken to court for non-payment.
When did he first lay hands on her?
The first time he beat her at night when she didn't open the door. He threatened her with a knife, the police took him away, and he was jailed for 15 days for bodily harm.
How did he harass her after the breakup?
He posted her photos on social media, insulted her, published her phone number, and wrote to her relatives. He also scratched obscenities into her car.
What happened on the day he doused her with gasoline?
He came to her workplace, doused her with gasoline, and set her on fire. She suffered burns over 40% of her body, was in a coma, but survived. He was sentenced to 9 years in prison.
Key Terms
- Nikah — A Muslim marriage ceremony that the couple performed after their first date.
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