Full Transcript
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLhXnWo6sqI
[00:00] I broke up with my boyfriend after seven years.
[00:02] The truth is, I have two disabled siblings in my family.
[00:06] They have a Grade 2 intellectual disability.
[00:08] He couldn't handle his parents' pressure.
[00:11] My mom got tested, and she was also diagnosed
[00:13] with a Grade 3 intellectual disability.
[00:15] Mom... Mom... Uh.
[00:17] And earlier, I saw a glimmer of hope for a savior.
[00:20] But for things to get even closer to ideal...
[00:29] My self-esteem keeps falling, and I'm concerned.
[00:32] In truth, I have two siblings
[00:34] with disabilities.
[00:36] Recently, I was trying to get permission to marry my boyfriend
[00:39] of seven years, but his parents strongly opposed it,
[00:42] and because of their intense disapproval, we ended up
[00:45] breaking up.
[00:47] My situation isn't improving, and I constantly wonder if I'll ever
[00:51] find someone who truly understands me.
[00:53] I feel like no one ever will, and this persistent anxiety keeps
[00:57] eroding my self-esteem.
[00:59] I slip into a depressed state, and I'm concerned my dark mood is
[01:03] affecting those around me, causing them distress.
[01:06] Where could such a person be, I wonder?
[01:10] Could you please introduce yourself?
[01:12] I live in Ansan, Gyeonggi Province.
[01:15] Yoo Eun-ji.
[01:16] Ah, who did you come with today?
[01:18] I came with a friend.
[01:20] Friend?
[01:21] Ah, so during the seven years they were together, her boyfriend was completely unaware of our female friend's family circumstances?
[01:30] Yes, he knew.
[01:31] Oh, but then?
[01:33] He said it was fine.
[01:35] But he also told me that it wouldn't be easy.
[01:37] Right.
[01:38] And so, we just kept enduring it and going on like that.
[01:41] Uh-huh.
[01:41] But now...
[01:44] He said it's too hard.
[01:46] Oh, what part was too hard?
[01:48] Uh, he said the parental pressure was just too much.
[01:52] Ah.
[01:54] But during those seven years of dating, I'm sure your boyfriend put a lot of thought into it as well.
[02:05] Well, that was a special time that only the two of you knew about...
[02:10] It's just so...
[02:13] But those two siblings of yours, both of them...
[02:17] You said there's a disability.
[02:19] Could you tell me exactly what kind it is?
[02:21] Intellectually disabled, Class 2.
[02:23] Ah, so both of your siblings.
[02:25] So there are three of us, and two of them have disabilities.
[02:29] Any other siblings?
[02:32] No.
[02:32] Oh, three?
[02:35] Uh, but your speaking style, it kinda feels like...
[02:39] I'm kind of getting a 007 vibe from you.
[02:41] You're not wearing that mask because you're some kind of black ops agent,
[02:45] are you? It's just because you've got a bit of a cold, right?
[02:48] Well, you see, I have a job that involves
[02:51] guiding and teaching children.
[02:53] I'm worried that later on...
[02:56] if this video circulates, I'm concerned that parents
[02:58] might watch it and form a prejudice against me.
[03:01] Oh.
[03:02] So I'm cautious.
[03:03] But it's just, it's such a terrible thing.
[03:05] The fact that your siblings have a disability really has
[03:08] absolutely nothing to do with anything, and it's just so incredibly upsetting that you even have to worry about that kind of thing, truly.
[03:17] Teachers...
[03:19] you're in a situation where you must be feeling incredibly hurt and upset.
[03:27] When did you break up?
[03:29] We broke up in early April.
[03:32] Early April?
[03:34] But it's not a daycare center inside a military base, is it?
[03:40] Not daycare, I'm a Taekwondo master.
[03:52] So you're a Taekwondo instructor?
[03:55] Yes.
[03:56] From now on, I will speak much more politely. Ma'am, if I've said anything to offend you, I apologize in advance.
[04:06] Oh, is that so?
[04:10] How many years, instructor?
[04:13] I think it's been over ten years.
[04:14] Ten years?
[04:17] But from my perspective, this is how it is:
[04:19] my father had a hearing impairment, and I honestly didn't even realize
[04:26] he had it for a long, long time.
[04:26] I just always assumed my father spoke a little bit loudly.
[04:33] I think I just thought he was really loud and his pronunciation
[04:36] was unclear when I was young.
[04:37] This is because my mother never informed me that my father
[04:40] had a hearing impairment.
[04:43] And secondly, regarding disability registration,
[04:46] my dad was a Grade 3.
[04:48] Starting from Grade 3, the government provides
[04:51] quite a lot of benefits.
[04:53] Even though it would have greatly benefited our financially
[04:57] struggling family, my mom just never registered him for it.
[05:01] Why do you think she didn't?
[05:02] Even though we were struggling.
[05:06] When he was registered as disabled, from that moment on, it seems
[05:09] my mother's heart already knew my father had a disability,
[05:12] But it must have been too much for her to accept it officially.
[05:15] So even though there were benefits available, she just didn't register him.
[05:20] So I never knew.
[05:22] And now, as I reflect on it,
[05:25] My father's disability had an enormous impact on me,
[05:28] affecting me tremendously, whether for good or ill,
[05:31] throughout my life,
[05:34] Most of the negative impact that has been caused, I believe,
[05:38] could have been mitigated or even lessened if my mother
[05:41] or our family had spoken about it frankly with us children
[05:45] earlier, acknowledged it, and maintained a more positive
[05:48] conversation about it.
[05:49] I truly feel that would have been so much better for everyone involved.
[05:55] But in my family's case, there was none of that.
[05:59] Just hiding it, avoiding it, or simply not confronting it at all.
[06:02] It was as if this lived on, creating a domino effect,
[06:05] knocking over everything else, causing everything to crumble,
[06:08] as if my father's issues, even though he's gone now,
[06:11] just continued to cause more problems, like everything was just falling apart.
[06:18] In your family, when one person is already facing such a difficult struggle, it's incredibly tough.
[06:24] But if two people are in that situation, it's not just twice as hard; it can multiply into three, five, or even ten times the struggle, an indescribable burden.
[06:35] Did you acknowledge that and were you able to openly communicate about it as a family?
[06:38] Did you grow up in an atmosphere where you could accept it and talk about it as a family?
[06:45] Or was it more more like... everyone already knew, so there was no need to talk about it, just bury it and avoid it if you didn't want to?
[06:51] What kind of atmosphere was that?
[06:55] I think it was more avoidance and neglect.
[06:58] Ah, really.
[07:01] Actually, I had just broken up with my boyfriend.
[07:04] That was the very first time I had such a deep and meaningful conversation about this with my father.
[07:09] Oh.
[07:12] My mom... her cognitive abilities are a bit low.
[07:14] Oh.
[07:15] Because of this incident, she got tested.
[07:19] She was diagnosed with a Grade 3 intellectual disability.
[07:22] Mom? Mom?
[07:24] Oh, about her cognitive functions?
[07:27] Because my mom is intellectually disabled.
[07:29] Right.
[07:30] All of my brothers inherited the disability.
[07:34] So, his family thought that if I got married and had a child...
[07:38] that child would be disabled.
[07:40] Ah, that's why.
[07:41] Also, the support issue.
[07:43] Right.
[07:43] Yes, so they were against the marriage.
[07:47] Oh, so that's why.
[07:50] What did your father say about that?
[07:55] Well, my father had been avoiding the situation for a long time.
[07:59] Oh.
[08:00] He just said nothing.
[08:02] Ah.
[08:03] That he was so sorry...
[08:06] He had nothing.
[08:11] Has there ever been a time, teacher, when you wished your father had said something specific?
[08:17] I wished we could have overcome this together,
[08:19] you know, something like that.
[08:23] "Let's get through this together."
[08:23] Yes, "The situation is tough, but let's get through this time together."
[08:29] Uh, your dad is truly, truly sorry, of course, but still, let's just overcome this difficult time together.
[08:37] You're saying you wish he had said something like that.
[08:40] Yes. And I wish he had helped me in a more practical way.
[08:45] Because he just said he didn't know.
[08:46] And like you just mentioned, maybe he was in denial, trying to avoid it, and truly didn't want to acknowledge that there was a real disability.
[08:54] He kept avoiding it, so this time...
[08:57] I went to register my disability all by myself.
[08:59] Oh.
[09:01] My brother and I brought up the idea of a care facility, which I then researched by myself.
[09:06] Right.
[09:06] I put them on the waiting list.
[09:08] It felt like a battle I fought alone.
[09:10] It was so hard.
[09:11] Oh, yes...
[09:13] I mean...
[09:17] Words just feel so...
[09:19] No.
[09:22] What can one say in this situation?
[09:25] We just need to share meals together, and when you're feeling down and sad, we can cry together.
[09:31] And listen to some music together...
[09:35] watch the flower petals fall.
[09:40] So, to be honest, if we truly want things to improve and get a little closer to what we consider ideal, whether we see each other once a week or once a month, those of us who feel comfortable with each other should be able to genuinely talk and share our thoughts like this, openly and freely, feeling completely at ease.
[09:59] I mean, I'm not here to really educate any of you.
[10:02] It's more of a feeling that we're all in this together.
[10:06] Have a hearty laugh,
[10:08] And afterwards, we can grab a meal together.
[10:11] Then, when spring arrives, we can also go and see the flowers.
[10:14] That's exactly the kind of quality time we need.
[10:19] So, if you, my esteemed teacher, desire, I shall grant you a free pass
[10:23] for the entire year, allowing you to attend our monthly talk show whenever it convenes.
[10:27] You'll always be able to join us without restriction.
[10:34] Yeah.
[10:38] But the person you came with?
[10:39] Oh, no, that absolutely won't work out.
[10:44] That's...
[10:45] a completely different situation.
[10:49] But let's say a new boyfriend is okay.
[10:54] A new boyfriend...
[10:57] can get in for free with you.
[10:58] For this whole year.
[11:01] Sound good?
[11:05] If I can find one.
[11:08] You're good at Taekwondo, so use it to get one.
[11:13] So, once you get a new boyfriend, I'll definitely invite both of you to come along.
[11:17] And come with.
[11:19] I actually saw women just like that recently.
[11:22] The cherry blossoms were
[11:26] In bloom, and it looked like two female friends.
[11:29] One was about to take a picture of the other.
[11:31] And then one of them kicked the tree and yelled, "Quick, take it!"
[11:36] Ah, I saw a total weirdo.
[11:40] To get a pretty photo.
[11:46] She's weird, but that time of life is beautiful.
[11:50] We just have to spend time together like that, and this moment will simply pass.
[11:56] We should gaze upon flowers, savor delightful meals, walk barefoot hand in hand on a loess path, immerse ourselves in music, and yes, even shed tears together.
[12:07] I genuinely believe that engaging in all these experiences might just offer a little bit of solace and healing.
[12:16] Ha, what's My words just feel so inadequate.
[12:23] It feels like crossing an impassable river.
[12:26] So, please make sure to come and visit sometime this year.
[12:35] Someday, you know, something like that.
[12:37] stuff ...if we get the chance...
[12:42] I hope we can spend some time like that together.
[12:47] Would you like to send a message to your ex-boyfriend, perhaps?
[12:52] Or to yourself?
[12:54] To whom?
[12:56] To myself.
[12:57] Okay then, look at that camera.
[13:00] There must be something you would like to say to yourself, given your present circumstances.
[13:05] Please, tell us, even if it's just a few words.
[13:10] Let it go.
[13:11] The person who left is already gone,
[13:15] There are so many more wonderful people around you, right by your side.
[13:20] Let's definitely get through this.
[13:23] This too, shall eventually pass.
[13:32] Let bygones be bygones.
[13:34] What's passed is passed, just like that.
[13:36] Don't dwell on what has come and gone.
[13:39] There's a significant meaning to that, you know.
[13:39] It's quite profound.
[13:45] The timing is off.
[13:48] Let's all sing this together now, everyone...
[13:52] Let's all sing together...
[13:53] I'll stop right here for now.
[13:57] Applause, please.
[14:03] That's right.
[14:03] We should all sing together, and if tears well up,
[14:06] then just let ourselves cry freely.
[14:10] and laugh together when something's funny.
[14:12] That's how we get through these times.
[14:16] It is unlikely that some great savior will simply appear
[14:19] and rescue us as easily as flipping a hand.
[14:23] But we can just laugh together like this.
[14:27] And I just saw a hope for salvation.
[14:30] Right when you were about to speak,
[14:31] your friend next to you did this,
[14:34] She actually did this, see, exactly like this.
[14:40] So, just open up the windows of your heart,
[14:42] you know what I mean?
[14:46] In that moment, I saw a ray of hope.
[14:50] A great friend.
[14:53] How many years have you been friends?
[14:55] What kind of friend is she?
[14:58] Meet on the way?
[15:01] We're high school friends, fifteen years now.
[15:03] Oh.
[15:07] You see, a ray of hope is already right beside you.
[15:09] Spend more time with that light.
[15:12] Thank you.
[15:13] It's quite strange, as I'm usually meeting all of you for the very first time, aren't I?
[15:19] And yet, the emotions I'm feeling don't suggest I'm meeting these people for the very first time.
[15:25] It's like...
[15:27] we've been sharing our feelings for quite some time now, or we've been going through something important together, you know, experiencing something like that.
[15:38] Sometimes I get this feeling that we're people meant to live or spend time together for some reason.
[15:43] And the reason for that, I'm honestly not entirely sure what it is.
[15:48] Anyway, though we've just met, it truly feels as if I've known you all for many, many years, perhaps even from a long time ago.
[15:55] It's been four years since my father died.
[16:01] Today, as I was going through my photo album, I stumbled upon a picture of my father, and suddenly, a thought popped into my head, quite unexpectedly.
[16:13] Oh, if only my father were still alive.
[16:15] I'd have bought him the very newest electric razor and some really stylish sunglasses, you know, because he deserved the best.
[16:24] I would've bought him some stylish clothes, too.
[16:29] Now that I have the heart and the means to buy him things...
[16:33] Ah, my father isn't here anymore.
[16:37] That's what I was thinking.
[16:40] I truly hope everyone remains healthy, and that we all cultivate these cherished thoughts and feelings before it's too late for them to truly matter.
[16:48] And such situations... for ourselves.
[16:54] Thank you for coming.
[16:58] Being able to tell someone the stories you hold inside...
[17:01] Being able to tell someone, to share these things, and to discuss them with laughter, to think about them together
[17:07] – that truly signifies we're spending some wonderful quality time with each other, engaging in conversation and really connecting on a deeper level.
[17:15] It's not as if a savior will instantly appear and perfectly resolve all our issues, but I believe it's quite valuable to have the opportunity to speak honestly and reflect on things together for a period of time, even if it's just a little bit.