# Why Stress is Actually a Good Thing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGMKADpsJg0

[00:00] avoiding stress is avoiding fulfillment
[00:02] you don't want to be in that situation
[00:03] and actually that simple idea that
[00:06] avoiding stress is a good strategy
[00:08] causes a lot of problems I did have a
[00:11] question but I'm not sure if it's very
[00:13] high impact but it was more so just
[00:15] thinking about the students that might
[00:17] have like depression or something or
[00:19] anxiety and even like you know ASD or
[00:22] ADHD and kind of managing those
[00:24] alongside productivity and scheduling
[00:27] and all that this is a topic that
[00:28] requires like quite a bit of nuance
[00:30] really because I don't want to make any
[00:31] type of generalizations here so normally
[00:33] if in the perfect scenario what I
[00:34] usually like to do is I usually like to
[00:36] have a conversation confidentially
[00:37] obviously with the person psychologist
[00:39] or therapist so I've done that a number
[00:40] of times where a student will reach out
[00:42] and say like I'm trying to use this
[00:43] stuff but this is the stuff that's
[00:44] holding me back and you know they're
[00:46] already engaging with the psychologist
[00:47] which is first of all a very very good
[00:48] first step like I strongly recommend
[00:50] getting a good therapist and I'll have a
[00:51] conversation with the therapist directly
[00:53] from like as like a professional to
[00:55] professional so just make sure
[00:56] everything is kind of aligned so that
[00:58] we're not stepping on each other's toes
[00:59] you know we're making sure that we're
[01:01] you know we're sort of on the same page.
[01:02] because often working on like self-development and Improvement it like takes up a lot of someone's mind.
[01:05] it puts a lot of pressure on them and removing that pressure is not necessarily like the best thing because that could be the thing that actually takes away more pressure overall eventually.
[01:16] but it's also important that you know for example a psychologist is aware of what that pressure kind of involves and what that process looks like so that they can kind of give them good Counseling in those situations.
[01:24] where I've had discussions with them usually it boils down to the idea of how much pressure and expectation is being placed on this person for mood and effective disorders.
[01:32] this is sort of like a trend that I see and again I don't want to be generalizing but in a lot of the cases there is a level of like consequentialism that's placed on this person that is not necessarily in perspective.
[01:42] it's not necessarily accurate and that can create unnecessary amounts of pressure and the solution to that that I normally recommend because it's just simply the easiest thing is to just completely back off from it and just to not necessarily feel the need to be productive at all.
[01:58] you can have a a range of techniques and just pick one.
[02:02] that you feel is like it I could probably do that and just try to do it.
[02:05] and if you can do it and that's good and if you can't just you know let it go and just try something else.
[02:09] this perspective I have now is very different from what I would have said maybe three four years ago.
[02:13] I used to try to get people to at least do a little bit have that sort of consistency but when you are really like in a very very negative place you can't do anything let alone restructuring your schedule.
[02:23] like you're not even gonna get out of bed why do you need a schedule if you're in bed like one o'clock time to roll over you know like you don't need to time management prioritize when you're not going to do anything in that day anyway.
[02:35] but then the idea that I should be doing something that just adds to the burden of it so now I'm in the position where it's like if you feel like doing something just pick things up casually non-committally just give things a go because fundamentally the issue here is going to be the other work.
[02:52] the mental health work that is something that will you know potentially will take time and needs to be dealt with by a mental health professional it's what I think in most cases yeah.
[02:59] I think that definitely provides a lot of insight.
[03:03] especially when I have actually seen some students on the course who are dealing with these issues and you know it kind of does really feel like I personally get like you know maybe see like a professional about this I would say mental health cutter than these like it doesn't matter how you know good someone is to anything mental health will always cut below that yeah so it just makes everything essentially kind of irrelevant you know obviously I really believe in like learning to learn and I think it creates a lot of empowerment but I need to learn is the thing that opens the doors for anyone it's the thing that gives you opportunity it's a thing that gives you the power to actually pick your own trajectory in life like that's that's the key that opens every single door learning to learn right I place learning to learn more important than learning any type of content any type of subject any type of domain expertise is one of the most important things you learn there's not many things that place higher than that but emotional self-regulation and good mental health and self-care that takes precedence over overall because the lived Human Experience is outside of efficiency and productivity right none of the stuff that I teach absolutely none of the stuff that I teach in any form is even remotely relevant or important in the context of having a life where you are okay with being yourself and being
[04:03] fulfilled and happy because of what you want for your life not because of some other expectation or the pressure that you place on yourself or any of the other like clouds out of judgment.
[04:10] nothing is more important than just being like this is where I want to be.
[04:13] I'm happy with who I want to be and this is the way that I want to live and not letting anything interfere with that and having that kind of like I don't want to call it happiness because I think the word happiness is a little sometimes overrated and mental health yeah.
[04:23] it's like you don't always have to be happy you know it's like that toxic positivity sort of thing like you don't always have to be happy all the time you know but at least feeling like this is the way I want to live and this is the person I want to be and this is the way that I want to be and feeling comfortable insecure and safe and that is more important than anything that I teach and so I would never recommend to prioritize that over something that's going to help with this that's very true.
[04:46] and I always think like especially in my age range you know a lot of it like a lot of people in this kind of Developmental stage are trying to find who they are and trying to you know find their own identity especially I think it's like the one of the stages in Ericsson's uh Theory you know basically trying to figure out who exactly you are and that process of identity formation is so
[05:05] vital because without you you aren't really anything essentially like yeah uh
[05:09] I will add though like identity formation and like self-formation theory and things this is a little different though in a way because yes it can lead to problems with mental health uh but it is not in itself like a mental health process inherently so like the idea of discovering identity a lot of that actually comes through experience and pushing yourself so like a lot of my identity formation came from me pushing myself beyond what a lot of other people do so I don't necessarily think like I don't believe that you should back off from the experience of life to find yourself because I think a lot of what you find is through the pressures that you put yourself through you can only discover so much by having a small set of experiences there's only so much to reflect on I think that in some cases it would be the opposite when it comes to just that but obviously if you know it's causing a lot of distress then the solution to that maybe to you know reevaluate the approach actually for some people it's the opposite so like I work with a lot of medical students that like don't know who they are anymore
[06:07] because they after they enter medical school they're just like hating life and then they're wondering why and it's like well maybe you probably shouldn't have done this in the first place but you know at that point they sort of like lost and empty and they don't know what to do.
[06:17] what I actually recommend for them is that current approach right now is not really working for you what's your current approach and a lot of these people are doing absolutely nothing except for just like go to UNI study think about medicine think about becoming a doctor hate the thought about it and then like go back to the cycle of doing that every single day and then they're like I hate this but that's what I'm doing who am I.
[06:37] so my solution for those people is just like you should do stuff like you need to do more on things in that case right because the approach that was working was not doing enough right and even just like on the last point that you were saying there like I mean a lot of dizziness that I have is more than I can handle but it's deliberately put on myself to see how I can grow because I don't know how much I can achieve but I want to see that all of the time because like I have absolutely no idea who I am but as you were saying like for example if I can try out a lot of different things then I have tasted a lot of stuff and then
[07:07] Eventually I can choose to specialize in a particular area.
[07:11] I don't know how many more years this is going to take, but I expect it to take quite a while.
[07:14] But I needed to start early, so that's why I do so many things that quite I guess atypical for some of my age.
[07:21] Doing like medicine like me, there's maybe one person I know in my medical degree who's doing stuff like I do.
[07:26] But even still, I find it very hard to relate to people doing all of the sort of like crazy stuff.
[07:33] But I love it and you know, surprised that there are people that there's someone else in your medical degree that's doing what you're doing.
[07:39] Well, I feel that I am the influence that has pushed them in that way as well, right?
[07:44] Yeah, yeah, so other than that, there was no one.
[07:47] So I recruited someone.
[07:49] Yeah, there's a lot of people like around me that started picking up side hustles and like doing random stuff when they saw me kind of like dabbling in things.
[07:56] And you know what, they all loved it, like it was all a positive experience.
[07:59] You know, like, you even if they get it got more stress, the thing is like stress is not a bad thing, right?
[08:02] It's it can be a good thing, like we call it you stress, right?
[08:06] You know, every medical student learns about you stress, like one of the first things.
[08:08] you learn it's like it's de-stress and there's eustress and not all stresses there's a bad thing and in fact you know.
[08:13] one of the things I talk about is that the path of a fulfilling life actually involves good stress because we find fulfillment and overcoming challenges that are difficult.
[08:20] you're not going to have something that's difficult that isn't challenging.
[08:22] You by definition and therefore it's going to put a little distress on.
[08:25] I think that's like one of the first things you kind of told me when I first met you back then.
[08:30] I was like very concerned about my medical condition influencing my ability to do stuff and I was like very worried.
[08:37] I was you know saying like oh what if like you know the pain um you know Associated my condition makes me unable to do all these things and because you know like it's it's exacerbated by stress therefore should I like avoid stressful things.
[08:49] and I think your answer is essentially you quoted nature you're like well actually you know pain in itself and stress in itself can be actually transformative can actually be a good thing.
[09:00] um and anything that is worth pursuing is going to be inherently stressful because that's how you know it's actually worth pursuing and to me I
[09:08] think that that was like the first time that I really saw that perspective and really had a change where now I'm viewing things much more in the lens of okay well even though this is stressful and I'm you know like right now I'm pretty busy you know I work three jobs on top of like med school and all this other leadership stuff I do within the Committees and you know sometimes I just feel like maybe I should like lighten the load because I'm overwhelmed but then I always think well you know am I liking the stuff that I'm doing right now yes you know is it really stressful at times yes but overall do I think that you know my level of fulfillment and enjoyment in what my life is like right now is that maintained and usually that's also a yes so I always think even though there's pain involved it's kind of usually worth it in the end it's kind of like this idea of like the like the Uday monic like happiness as opposed to like the more like hedonistic approach that I that's that's the thing I always think of but the thing is that you don't have to like for example if you're feeling overwhelmed like you can just you know lighten your load but it is yeah understanding that it is stress is not a bad thing inherently as you know
[10:10] the kind of thing and trying to avoid stress is not number one possible uh but number two not strategic and it's not going to be fulfilling right avoiding stress is avoiding fulfillment um you don't want to be in that situation and actually that simple idea that avoiding stress is a good strategy causes a lot of problems especially with people with anxiety because you live a life out of fear everything you do is you give yourself more stress because you're stressed about encountering stress you know and so that becomes a big issue so you know like I don't necessarily think that you know it's true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger you know like sometimes what doesn't kill you like permanently disables you and scars you for life beyond recovery okay but like I think that stress should be viewed in a way that is a little bit more holistic rather than just kind of binary and sort of what it's providing for you and I think the type of identity you can form from that is in a lot of ways very unique and a lot more meaningful so for example like an identity that I formed for myself over the years is that I view myself as a person that performs Under Pressure that
[11:12] is not just a skill I have that is the type of person I see myself as being fundamentally.
[11:19] and so having that actually in itself becomes an attribute that is beneficial for me.
[11:23] so in a way this formation of the identity that has come from being under pressure becomes an attribute that is almost self-fulfilling because I view myself as someone that performs under pressure.
[11:32] when I'm put under pressure I tend to you know behave and act in such a way that enables me to perform Under Pressure because I see that as the type of person that I am.
[11:41] it's just like how if you're devoutly Christian you see yourself as someone that goes to church even when you're busy.
[11:48] that um you know prays even when it's difficult.
[11:49] that you know believes in your faith when you want to give up like you engage in behaviors because that is the type of person that you are.
[11:57] and a lot of identities you don't really get a chance to develop them when you haven't been challenged.
[12:00] so when you are challenged if you don't have that identity to fall back on what's going to be there to push you through.
[12:04] yeah yeah just to add on to that like about all that that stress as being like a good thing I've been doing
[12:12] a lot of uh dabbling in like Eastern philosophy and like um School of thinking.
[12:18] and this idea and sand skirt starts from pronouncing that wrong and it's called duka.
[12:22] and what it's saying is that duka means to to stress.
[12:28] um to suffer to be unhappy.
[12:30] and interestingly when we think about duka holistically what is telling us is that to feel these emotions it's actually to live life.
[12:40] to feel stressed to feel unhappy and to feel unsatisfied essentially that's part of the human condition essentially.
[12:49] it's like one of your key corners or something your commas or something like that.
[12:52] because if you can't feel that right you can't feel pain you can't feel suffering.
[12:57] how can you feel like happiness.
[12:59] how do you know what the comparison is like so I think that sort of um Eastern philosophy idea really plays in with like everything that we sort of just talked about.
[13:07] I do want to jump in with my personal experience so I've never been one to necessarily again.
[13:12] have like a propensity towards like strong anxiety or strong stress but definitely when I was like in year 10 and such I don't know what gave me this idea but you know I always thought that the goal was like true hedonic happiness all the time that there wasn't this kind of acceptance with the fact that as you mentioned Louis like there needs to be this human experience with the ups and downs and it has to be that way in order for there to be happy moments otherwise it's not going to really work because it has to be a bass line and then even as well with the stress thing I had always tried to avoid it because I thought you know to reach self-actualization it means to have no stress and to be purely happy and so I mean I was fortunate enough to get in contact with a psychologist even not having any major concerns but just to prepare myself for that when things get more stressful or I may have developed anxiety I know how to manage these thoughts and so even just understanding that you know having this stress is empowering mindset and understanding that it's all about this acceptance and feeling out those emotions when you feel low and a little blue that stuff made like a massive
[14:13] difference for me and how I just see the world.
[14:15] So I just wanted to add in because you know I would never realize these things ever.
[14:18] Yeah, I think like the summarize is that stress is not the thing that is the problem.
[14:22] It's if stress is bothering you is the problem.
[14:25] And the bothering is actually something that is kind of controllable and is something sort of a perspective.
[14:31] And you can be both stressed and actually fine at the same time.
[14:35] Right, you can be like, yep, like right now I'm under stressed, however, I'm okay.
[14:40] That's not bothering me, it's just like there's just I'm under some stress, you know.
[14:44] It would be an issue if that stress breaks you, that becomes an issue.
[14:48] Or it becomes an issue if you are taking that stress and internalizing in a way that is beyond what stressor is placing on you and you're adding more to it.
[14:54] Oh, what if you know like the consequences of this and getting really anxious because of it?
[14:59] You know, this is again like that's very philosophical discussion that we're having today.
[15:02] But I always take it back to like cosmic insignificance in a way for me.
[15:06] I always think at the end of the day nothing really is gonna matter at the end of the day.
[15:11] Like if I zoom out far enough, doesn't really matter.
[15:13] And I think I view
[15:17] my success that way as as well actually.
[15:19] just to you know keep things in perspective is that like sure I could you know make a hundred million dollars and change the world and the way that everyone learns forever but it's just a blip.
[15:27] you know it's just a blip and a tiny piece of time in human history and like for a single species like at a big enough scale when you zoom out enough things don't really matter too much.
[15:35] but if you're really really zoomed in and that's the only thing that you're thinking about then everything matters.
[15:40] like the consequences of everything kind of become a mountain.
[15:42] I don't really know what the initial question for this entire discussion was.
[15:47] it was just sparked by that depression anxiety question and then it just yeah spiraled into this which I thought was pretty cool.
[15:55] um yeah because you know I was thinking like this entire time you have like a lot of insight and like philosophical knowledge for a study coach.
[16:05] because you know I was looking as I do in the YouTube comments section sometimes when I get distracted and I see in one of the videos about productivity a comment that's like oh you know you should just stick to talking about study techniques only you know and you shouldn't focus on.
[16:19] this like Hocus Pocus like productivity mindset thing.
[16:21] like this is just you know not your domain.
[16:23] that's naive to think that I can't talk about that stuff.
[16:26] because you can't be academically successful especially not long term.
[16:28] especially not at a high level if you don't have good self-management.
[16:32] and I think that a lot of the thing is like because I challenge a lot of the status quo.
[16:36] I try to get people to like change things about themselves or their practice.
[16:40] and changing things requires effort and energy.
[16:42] and I think there are some people that are so insecure and unconfident in their ability to statistically change that they know that they aren't going to engage in that change in the first place.
[16:52] and that they avoid that change.
[16:54] so rather than accepting that this change is necessary and good for them and embracing it.
[16:59] because of the fact that they are insecure of failure they reject the entire concept that that change is worthwhile or necessary.
[17:05] and they externalize that and attack outwards.
[17:07] I think a lot of it comes from Not Having the courage to actually change yourself and and put in that effort and accept that will be difficult and you might fail.
[17:16] and therefore like rejecting the
[17:20] The premise as a whole, yeah, it attacks their identity as well because it's built off of that.
[17:24] Yeah, it's interesting.
[17:26] Thanks everyone for joining in on this discussion.
[17:28] This is pretty fun.
[17:31] Um, I don't know how the YouTube audience will find it.
[17:32] Let me know what you think about the discussion in the comments.
[17:34] And, um, thanks to everyone listening for catching up.
[17:37] And, uh, we'll see in the next one.
[17:48] foreign