# the ultimate guide to fake friends | subtle signs to watch out for & friendship advice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfXgr321KMM

[00:00] Truly, I am not about to waste your time in this video telling you a bunch of basic signs and facts about fake friends that you and I, we both know.
[00:07] We've been known, okay?
[00:08] We're grown now.
[00:10] Everything I'm about to tell you in this video are all extremely subtle signs of fake friends that you can only know unless you've been through it or you've seen other people go through it.
[00:18] And I have, unfortunately, years of experience in this.
[00:22] And from giving my friends advice over the years, I have realized how much people aren't aware of these signs, and it's scary.
[00:29] Last week, I posted this TikTok that went absolutely viral, and it led to thousands of women commenting their experiences on how they found out their best friend was fake.
[00:37] I now officially have not had a friendship breakup in years thanks to the lessons and experience I have because, listen, there are now haters that disguise themselves as girls girls and friends so well these days.
[00:49] They'll still compliment you.
[00:50] They'll still hype you up.
[00:52] They're so good at playing the part of being like a good person and being your friend now.
[00:55] Even if they don't have your best intentions at heart, then now it's just harder to see.
[00:59] And the crazy thing is, some of these fake friends...
[01:00] Yeah, they don't want your downfall.
[01:02] Sometimes they literally just want your blueprint.
[01:03] They want to be you.
[01:05] So, this video is the ultimate guide on staying safe.
[01:15] Before we get right into it, huge news.
[01:18] This is my 400th video.
[01:21] Guys, I feel so emotional and so grateful right now.
[01:24] I just want to give the biggest thank you to everybody who's been watching since day one, who's remembered me filming from my childhood bedroom and my grandparents' house to now.
[01:32] You guys have been through so many eras with me.
[01:34] We've learned so much together.
[01:37] We've grown so much together.
[01:38] And honestly, just the biggest shout out to you guys.
[01:40] Not only as a thank you for supporting me, but also for putting in the work, okay?
[01:43] For watching these long videos that I make because you are so committed to the journey of bettering yourself, and I love that for you.
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[03:23] Chapter one, signs you've got a fake friend.
[03:27] My first point I really want to link into this viral TikTok I did cuz so many people in the comments were confused.
[03:30] They were like, "Okay, how do I figure out if my friend is secretly competing with me?
[03:33] What are the kind of things they're going to say?
[03:36] How can I spot this?"
[03:38] I got you.
[03:38] If they say things like, "Oh my god, everybody likes you so much more than I do."
[03:42] Or "You get so much more attention than me."
[03:44] "You make more money than I do."
[03:45] "You get better grades than I do."
[03:47] Or them just excessively pointing out that they have a preference to what you look like or who you are or what your life is compared to themselves.
[03:54] First of all, it's an extremely insecure thing to do, which insecurity in itself is quite a red flag, but also all of this is such a telltale sign of comparison and competition, because a real friend
[04:03] Doesn't give an F about any of that.
[04:05] They give an F about the connection you have, not trying to figure out your status and how you are better than them.
[04:10] So, a great example of this, when I was 12 years old in school, my best friend of a decade, dare I say, turned around to me so casually and said that she had dreams at night where she would look in a mirror and she had my face and she looked like me, and she would be so happy in the dream that she was finally me, just to then wake up and be annoyed that it was just a dream.
[04:31] What?
[04:31] She said this to me so casually and she genuinely didn't even see an issue with what she said, because her competition and her comparison had gotten to such a state that it was spilling out of her and she didn't even realize.
[04:41] And by the way, that example was just one of so many ways in which she betrayed me or was jealous or was competing with me.
[04:48] Another example is friends that make fun of you, maybe for the way that you dress or for me, I had a friend that made fun of my new glasses that I got in school and then a week later she turned up with the exact same frames.
[05:00] What?
[05:00] Also, I know this can be a little bit confusing, so let me clear it up for you.
[05:02] A real
[05:03] Compliment is about you, you as a person.
[05:08] But all of this competition normally is very status focused.
[05:10] They are looking at you versus them.
[05:12] They are looking at you like you are on this leaderboard and they are adding up all the little points of how you rank, how you look, what your life looks like on this leaderboard to see where you sit and how they can then put themselves on top of you.
[05:25] And this is such a huge sign of a fake friend, because it shows they can't be around you and they can't see you or connect with you without also having to measure themselves up against you and that should never be a thing.
[05:34] Sign number two, the I could nevers.
[05:37] I hate these people.
[05:40] For example, when you're telling your friend about how you're living your life or an experience you've been through, a good thing that's happened to you, and their response is, "I could never do that.
[05:47] I could never let a man pay for me on a date.
[05:49] I could never work that many hours.
[05:51] I could never be that materialistic.
[05:53] I could never spend that much."
[05:55] It's just so judgmental.
[05:57] And hey, don't get me wrong, you can absolutely disagree with your friend.
[06:01] And if you disagree with maybe the fact that they're materialistic or they spend too much, whatever.
[06:03] Absolutely fine.
[06:05] But there's quite literally no reason to have to say it out loud.
[06:09] Like that's just a very rude and judgmental.
[06:10] But that's the thing, when the hatred and the jealousy and the fakeness is so extreme, it literally pours out of them.
[06:16] They can't help but vocalize it.
[06:19] The I could never is just so crazy and probably one of the fakest signs because they're trying to pass this off as just genuine concern or that, "Oh, I'm Well, I'm just stating my own opinion."
[06:29] But really it's just a statement about you and trying to put you down.
[06:33] And this actually links into sign number three.
[06:35] Them needing to teach you and put themselves above you.
[06:38] For example, you're not even asking for advice.
[06:42] You're cruising, maybe you're like you've started your own business and you're doing well and you're on that journey.
[06:46] And they consistently feel the need that they need to teach you, they need to show you how it's done, they kind of need to mentor you when you never asked them to.
[06:52] The reason that these fake friends do this is because they're insecure and because they're jealous of you, they've put you on a pedestal in their mind.
[06:59] You never asked to be on that pedestal, okay?
[07:00] But they put you there and they are constantly trying to knock you off of it and put
[07:04] Themselves on it instead even though they chose to put you on the pedestal in the first place.
[07:09] I know it doesn't make sense.
[07:11] Jealousy is a disease.
[07:12] The common thread here being they are always positioning themselves as the one who is better off and more of an expert so you stay beneath them.
[07:19] Sign number four, they keep jokingly disrespecting you and especially in front of others.
[07:24] Oh my god, listen to me.
[07:25] Confidence is quiet and insecurity is loud.
[07:30] A harmless friendly joke is one thing, but when they genuinely try and make you feel bad or just weird about something or a passion or the way you want to do something, red flag.
[07:37] Because 99% of the time your friends should be hyping you up and loving you and caring about you and being there for you and loving what you're doing even if it's different from what they do or different from their values.
[07:49] That's what a friendship is, supporting your friend and what their interests are.
[07:53] These jokes are so pathetic and it's exactly how insecure people and fake friends again try to put themselves on a pedestal and put themselves above you without having to be held accountable because they can always say, "Oh, but it was just a joke."
[08:03] Pathetic.
[08:04] Sign number five, they
[08:06] Talk about others.
[08:08] Even if they've never done it to you and they're the biggest gossip girl to you and your group of friends, I don't care.
[08:14] That is an insane character flaw and you do need to cut that person off immediately.
[08:18] Don't get me wrong, if they are talking bad about a person who did bad to them or that they have a personal kind of like argument or situation with, fair enough, rant, get that off your chest.
[08:28] When it's about random people or just insulting people for no reason at all, like talking bad about a girl's outfit or looking down on someone for literally no reason, that is not a friend, okay, and that is not someone you need around you.
[08:39] Because when somebody defaults to having to insult other people and look down on them, they are showing you exactly the type of person they are and exactly the type of mindset that they have.
[08:47] One that is filled with insecurity and one that needs to basically lower and look down on others just to regulate their own self-esteem.
[08:55] And the last sign is concern about your wins.
[08:58] Basically, when you're telling your friend that something really good has happened to you and immediately instead of congratulating you, they're like, "Oh no, but what if this happens?"
[09:04] Or when you're telling your friend something about you or you've met someone for the
[09:06] First time and they have to immediately jump to the most negative conclusion about you.
[09:12] Let me give you an example of what happened to me once.
[09:14] Now, this girl wasn't my friend, I literally just met her for the first time.
[09:17] We had like mutual people in common and we met and obviously she knew I was an influencer, she knew what I did on social media.
[09:22] First of all, she barely looked at me or spoke to me in the social setting, which was a telltale sign in itself.
[09:26] But when she finally did speak to me, she said, "Oh, so you're an influencer.
[09:30] So like, you must have to record everything and I bet you're never present or can make time for anybody in your life.
[09:35] That must be so exhausting.
[09:37] What?
[09:39] Literally what?
[09:41] First of all, I'd never ever ever had somebody say that to me before.
[09:44] And second of all, when somebody wants to know about my career, what I do, what they know about it, normally it's like, "Oh, tell me more about that."
[09:50] Like it's more of an open conversation, not I am not even asking you if it's difficult to be an influence, I'm telling you it must be difficult to be an influencer.
[09:59] Like girl, I just met you and you know nothing about me.
[10:03] And it was just so painfully obvious that she had created this narrative in her head that I just must be the type of person that
[10:08] Oh, hi Chai.
[10:11] That I must not make time for any of my loved ones and I'm always on my phone and I'm always filming everything and I'm not respecting anyone's privacy and I'm just so obsessed with social media and I just can't live my normal life cuz it's just taken over my day-to-day.
[10:23] Absolutely not.
[10:24] But, it was just her story that she told herself to make herself feel more comfortable about her own life.
[10:28] And then, again, that's not even an assumption I've made.
[10:31] There were so many other things she said on that day where she basically had to compare my apartment to the house that she lived in and position her house as more ideal than the disadvantage of living in an apartment in London.
[10:42] Again, people can like different things, but trying to put somebody else's situation down just to make yourself feel better about your own is just not necessary.
[10:49] The fakest most insecure people do this to soothe themselves because they're uncomfortable about that you live and who you are and it threatens their own identity.
[10:57] Chapter number two, getting the over it cuz listen, you are going to experience jealous insecure people.
[11:01] There are so many of those people, okay, living on Earth and you walk past them every day and I'm sure you have them at work and at school.
[11:06] You cannot avoid them.
[11:09] will come into your life.
[11:11] You will eventually have friends that are disguised as haters.
[11:14] It's just what happens, okay?
[11:16] Unfortunately, not everybody has the accountability and the emotional intelligence and the self-awareness to go on a journey to regulate their self-esteem and become more confident and self-loving, not only for themselves, but also so they can be a better friend or family member or partner to the people around them.
[11:29] That's just facts.
[11:30] So, yes, you are going to deal with it and yes, it sucks, especially if it ends up being a super close friend of yours, someone that's been in your life for years that you trusted, and now you have to cut off because they don't have your best interests at heart anymore.
[11:43] That's big, and it's a huge heartbreak, bigger than romantic heartbreaks.
[11:47] So, here's a little bit of reassurance if you're someone going through this, because I promise you this is happening for you, not against you.
[11:53] Losing people is normal.
[11:55] There are going to be so many people in this life, whether it be friendships or colleagues or romantic partners, they just come in for different chapters of your life, because every single person that ever enters your life is here for a season or a reason, okay?
[12:08] They are here to aid the journey of your growth.
[12:10] That's what
[12:09] We're on this earth to do, to grow, to meet our full potential, to become the type of people that we never thought we could be, to learn lessons and have new experiences.
[12:17] And all of these people that come in along the way, they help us discover new parts of ourselves, discover new parts of life, and learn things.
[12:24] Now, some people will come in to benefit you and to grow with you, and they are going to be the friends or the partners that stay with you for life.
[12:30] There are going to be other people that you think are those friends, and then kind of cause you to go through a heartbreak and learn how to detach and how to trust people and what standards to set, because they betray you a couple of years in.
[12:41] And that's just the matter of the fact, okay?
[12:43] I promise you, none of this is personal.
[12:45] It doesn't mean that you're stupid.
[12:47] It doesn't mean that you couldn't see the signs.
[12:48] It literally happens to everybody, and it makes you stronger, more intelligent, more aware.
[12:53] And also, okay, and I say this when it comes to friendships and romantic partners, the more kind of frogs you have to kiss in a romantic sense or bad friends you have to deal with, makes you officially one step closer after every breakup to finding the person that you actually.
[13:09] You have to go through the bad experiences to figure out this is what I want, this is what I don't want, these are the red flags and signs that I now know to spot and avoid that I literally never would have known otherwise had I not gone through the experience.
[13:23] Because listen, if you had never gone through any single adversity from the day that you were born, you would not know sh- you would not know anything, okay?
[13:30] And I'm sure so many people can relate to this.
[13:31] You know, you we go on a few dates with a few like bad guys and then we're like, "Oh, I know what that is, okay?"
[13:37] The next time you meet a guy that's like that, you don't even entertain it.
[13:40] And it helps you and kind of removes more obstacles from the path of finding your actual soulmate, the guy that is a huge green flag and is going to treat you the way you deserve.
[13:49] And the same goes for friendships.
[13:51] And also just remember, at the end of the day we're floating on a random rock in space, okay?
[13:55] We have this one life.
[13:57] Trust me, this tiny little insecure person that's come into your life for a few months to try and make you question yourself or doubt yourself or want to be better than you.
[14:03] I promise you they don't matter in the bigger picture.
[14:04] I promise you they, their little existence for this temporary tiny moment in the grand scheme of your life.
[14:11] Honestly, it's just a lesson to help you be a bigger, better, smarter, more confident person.
[14:17] It's literally just a step in your huge journey of growth.
[14:19] Cuz girl, you are so much bigger than all the drama, okay?
[14:23] You have the ability to be that girl in this life.
[14:25] When I say that, I mean the kind of woman that you have always wanted to be, the kind of women that you admire, the kind of woman that you dream of being, with the life that you've always dreamed of having.
[14:33] When that is the goal, when that is the journey, who gives an F that this girl is jealous of you and is trying to talk bad about you in front of a bunch of people?
[14:40] Yeah, okay, maybe you thought you trusted her.
[14:42] Maybe you thought that you'd finally found a real friend.
[14:43] But at the end of the day, they come and they go.
[14:47] And you will find somebody new and you will find those new connections.
[14:48] And you'll have a better chance of them working out because you have so much friendship experience now from old jealous girl over there.
[14:55] People will naturally move in and out over time.
[14:57] Sometimes it's going to be a huge dramatic exit, and sometimes it's going to be more peaceful because you just fall out of frequency and fall out of alignment with people.
[15:04] So, don't panic when that happens.
[15:06] Remember that it's normal and it's not a reflection of you or your worth.
[15:09] It doesn't mean something's wrong with you.
[15:10] It means you're growing.
[15:10] It means you're evolving.
[15:10] It means you're you're
[15:12] Entering onto bigger levels and bigger phases that these people they can't meet you on.
[15:14] They're not energetically matched with you up here.
[15:17] They have to stay here and you have to walk away and go up here.
[15:20] Therefore, you can't be together anymore.
[15:22] Therefore, that drama or that argument or that falling out, it literally had to happen.
[15:26] You had to go your separate ways and never see each other again.
[15:29] Every friend you outgrow creates space for a new friend to enter your life that can actually meet your level.
[15:35] And finally, chapter number three, protecting yourself.
[15:37] Because dealing with fake friends and healing from that breakup is one thing, but we have to make sure we are holding onto the correct mindset to make sure that we're not just repeating the same old cycles and loops forever.
[15:45] And these are the things you can do to give yourself the best shot at actually finding real friends and not going through the same experience over and over again unnecessarily.
[15:55] Because the universe will give you the same experience over and over again until you learn the lesson.
[16:00] So, let's learn the lesson now and protect yourself.
[16:02] Step number one is closing the cycle with self-love.
[16:03] The more you love yourself, the easier your life will get and the better the people you attract will get.
[16:07] Because every single person and experience you attract
[16:13] Into your life is a reflection of you.
[16:15] It's simply a mirror of who you are at that time, what you believe and what your thoughts are, how you see yourself, what your self-concept is, what you believe you're worthy of, that's what you attract into your life.
[16:25] Not to forget, it's also a reflection of your standards, what you believe you can get, what red flags you are absolutely not going to accept, your green flags that are your non-negotiables.
[16:34] Step number two is to befriend people with the same values.
[16:36] We are not making friends with people purely because of proximity and comfort and familiarity and ease.
[16:45] That's exactly how you keep people in your circle that are misaligned and probably don't want the best intentions for you because you didn't even vet them or assess whether they are worthy of your time and and access to you.
[16:56] Now, we are making friends on do we have the same shared values?
[16:58] Do we have the same shared morals?
[16:59] What kind of person are you?
[17:01] Does that align to me and where I want to be in life and the way that I'm going?
[17:07] By no means am I saying, "Oh, I'm successful, so you have to be super successful, too, and make this amount of money."
[17:11] No, that's BS, none of that.
[17:11] What I mean is, I am an ambitious
[17:13] Person, therefore, I have to befriend ambitious people.
[17:19] If I befriend the type of person
[18:15] She's funny and she likes getting a matcha and going to Pilates just like I do.
[18:18] "Is not good enough, okay?
[18:20] Vet these people before you let them into your life, please.
[18:25] Step number two is to just have a slower trust process.
[18:29] Not accepting somebody as your bestie because you went for a coffee one time and you had super deep chats and you connected immediately.
[18:35] That's great and that is a green flag and we love to see that and I'm so excited for you, but doesn't mean they're immediately allowed access to you.
[18:42] You develop trust through slowly assessing how they respond to your boundaries, whether they're respectful, what their values are, how they treat people around them, how they run their life.
[18:52] Step number three is to remember all the signs that we've discussed in this video and along with that, trust your gut.
[18:58] So many women, okay, our women's intuition is an amazing thing and yet so much of the time we convince ourselves that we're just overreacting or being dramatic or maybe we're being insecure and we can't.
[19:08] Well, yeah, okay, that might be likely sometimes, but majority of the time your gut knows so much more than you do because it can literally recognize and clock patterns that you've
[19:17] Been through before that your mind is not even consciously aware of.
[19:20] Your body is reacting to these things cuz it knows how it's going to end and it's trying to protect you.
[19:25] We know what these tiny little micro signals mean, avoid this, it's dangerous.
[19:29] The next sign is a little bit controversial and people really hated me when I said this on TikTok, but I still stand by it and I will say this to every single person I speak to, you should absolutely judge someone by their level of self-esteem before choosing to become friends with them.
[19:44] It is not honorable to make friends with insecure people.
[19:46] You are not doing a favor for them by giving them company and allowing them access into your life.
[19:51] All you're doing is self-sabotaging and allowing yourself to care and trust for a person who will inevitably turn around and either betray you or feel jealous by you.
[20:00] Now, listen to me.
[20:01] By no means am I saying you need to expect perfection and 100% confidence from everybody because that, of course, is a lifelong journey, but you need to be friends with the people that are on those journeys to bettering themselves, trying to fix their insecurities, trying to become more confident and caring and loving of others, trying to build up.
[20:17] their own lives so they stop comparing
[20:19] themselves to others. That is a green
[20:21] flag, but the people who pity
[20:22] themselves, who are always comparing
[20:23] other people, always putting other
[20:25] people on a pedestal above themselves,
[20:27] they are not ready for your friendship
[20:28] yet and they have their own journey to
[20:30] go on before they're ready for that. At
[20:32] the end of the day, you put the work in
[20:34] to do your self-love and to practice
[20:36] your confidence and to come a long way
[20:38] from the old mindset you used to have.
[20:41] If you could put all of that in a work
[20:42] in, you also deserve to be friends with
[20:44] people that put the same amount of work
[20:45] in for themselves. And as this video is
[20:47] coming to an end, I wanted to give you
[20:49] some final reminders. Remember that real
[20:51] friends will never compete or compare
[20:53] with you. All they want to do is
[20:54] collaborate on your journey of growth
[20:56] and and push you even higher and vice
[20:58] versa. Also remember that those fake
[21:00] friends, those jealous friends, they
[21:02] don't always want you to fail. Sometimes
[21:04] they just want to keep you close and
[21:05] they're scared that you're going to
[21:06] outgrow them and they want to keep you
[21:09] familiar and reachable and keep you as
[21:11] the same type of person they created in
[21:13] their head and for you not to outgrow
[21:15] that so they can feel comfortable about
[21:17] themselves. Also, fake friends are not
[21:19] always the villain and by no means am I
[21:20] am I trying to say that. Insecure people
[21:22] aren't these evil people, they're just
[21:24] people on their own journey who haven't
[21:26] been able to heal yet. It's not your
[21:28] responsibility to save them. It's not
[21:31] your job to train people how to put in
[21:34] the work and how to overcome their
[21:35] insecurities. They have to do that for
[21:37] themselves just like you did that for
[21:39] yourself and hopefully we can all become
[21:40] more healed and more loving and more
[21:42] confident so we can have healthier
[21:43] female friendships in our lives and just
[21:45] general friendships overall. And that
[21:47] brings us to the end of this video. So
[21:49] bye child, we love you. I loved making
[21:52] this video so much. I just love my
[21:54] ultimate guide videos that are many of
[21:55] them on my channel where I go super
[21:57] in-depth to a topic and there are so
[21:58] many chapters. So definitely check them
[22:00] out cuz I honestly have a video for
[22:02] almost everything at this point. But if
[22:04] there was a video that I haven't made on
[22:06] something,
[22:07] I bet you're going to struggle to find
[22:08] that. But in case there is, comment it
[22:10] down below and I would love to make it
[22:12] for you guys. Thank you so much for
[22:13] supporting me. I can't believe we're on
[22:15] 400 videos. That is insane. Just a
[22:17] little pat on the back for me for
[22:18] staying consistent for like what, 3
[22:20] years? I started in Jan I was like full
[22:23] time I think from Jan 23 but I was
[22:25] hustling from like September 22 trying
[22:28] to build up the YouTube. So yeah, it's
[22:29] just been crazy and I know there's been
[22:31] so many of you that are OGs and day ones
[22:33] cuz I've met some of you at my book
[22:34] signings and I love when you tell me
[22:35] that. So just thank you. I'm so
[22:37] appreciative and who knows where we're
[22:38] going to go next guys. Here's to the
[22:40] 1000th video. Okay, I love you. I
[22:43] appreciate [music] you and I'll see you
[22:44] in the next one. Bye.
[22:46] Bye.
[22:53] Play out.
[22:55] [music]