# The PROS vs CONS of Marriage

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSD2WW8xieY

[00:00] [Music]
[00:09] Fewer and fewer men are looking to get married these days.
[00:11] The Pew Research Institute recently found that the number of men ages 18 to 34 saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent since 1997.
[00:24] The number of young adult women saying the same thing has risen from 28 percent to 37 percent in the same time.
[00:33] This statistic made me wonder why so many guys out there are saying they don't want to get married.
[00:40] There seems to be a growing subculture of guys who say they'd rather avoid it altogether.
[00:44] I grew up thinking that marriage is just what you do when you hit a certain age.
[00:49] Now I'm questioning it.
[00:52] Why do we get married?
[00:54] Where did the tradition come from and what are the pros and cons?
[00:57] This video will aim to answer these questions and see how.
[01:02] Marriage fits into modern-day culture.
[01:04] But first let's take a quick look at the history of marriage.
[01:07] The first humans who lived about 5 million years ago had very little use for marriage.
[01:12] Using the behavior of bonobos is the basis for how early humans would have behaved.
[01:17] It is presumed that early males and females had sex with many partners.
[01:21] They lived in open polyamorous communities where food was exchanged for sexual favors.
[01:27] Because females could collect food, fruits, nuts, and insects while still caring and protecting their babies, males were not needed as protectors or providers.
[01:37] This meant that neither partner gained from being in a committed pair.
[01:42] As the climate heated up, the forests receded and humans ventured out into the savanna.
[01:47] We began walking upright, hunting with tools, and our brains got bigger.
[01:53] Our large brain sizes are the reason human babies are born so helplessly early and require constant care from their mothers during the.
[02:03] Period of 1.8 million to 23,000 years ago, survival was hard and the offspring that had the best chance to reach adulthood were those that had two parents that worked together to raise and protect them.
[02:16] This survival strategy gave birth to the first marriages.
[02:18] These were not quite like the marriage as we imagine today.
[02:22] Couples in this period would stay together for about three or four years before one or the other would wander off to start another family.
[02:31] Perhaps this is why divorce rates peak between three to four years in modern-day marriages.
[02:38] Relationship dynamics completely changed when humans began to grow their own food.
[02:40] Agriculture meant that humans were permanently tied to the land.
[02:45] The most productive household arrangements were ones in which men and women divided their tasks.
[02:51] Men who were physically stronger worked the land while women stayed closer to home and cared for children.
[02:59] This is the era in which marriage became a lifelong union between two people that was.
[03:03] Recognized by their community, agriculture tied people to their land.
[03:07] Meaning that at the end of the four-year period, neither men nor women had any inclination to wander off and find a new family.
[03:14] And so they stayed together and worked as a unit to feed and care for their children.
[03:19] The creation of marriage is a legal contract between men and women came into being over time as communities settled and monogamous relationships became a necessity for a long productive life.
[03:31] So the real origin of marriage came from the biological desire of both men and women to see their children survive.
[03:37] It was the evolutionary dominant strategy in the last few thousand years.
[03:43] Marriage became less about a survival strategy and more about a way to control power.
[03:48] It became a tool to strengthen alliances, maintain wealth, solidify social class, control female sexuality, and fulfill religious duties.
[03:59] Arranged marriages were the norm around much of the world up until the.
[04:03] Mid 20th century, so now most of us watching this live in a society filled with abundance.
[04:09] We're at the top of the food chain.
[04:11] We don't have to defend ourselves from saber-toothed tigers anymore.
[04:14] Many of us are not strictly religious or rural farmers.
[04:16] Our parents aren't arranging us, and we don't need to form alliances between kingdoms like in Game of Thrones.
[04:23] So you may be wondering, why are we still getting married?
[04:27] We no longer need the institution of marriage to ensure the survival of our species.
[04:30] Life doesn't have to be a conveyor belt of common events where you graduate at this age, start a family at that age, and retire at this age.
[04:40] These are ideas that many Millennials are discovering and is a primary cause of the steady decline in new marriages each year, about 5%.
[04:53] It's beginning to be seen by many as an outdated, restricting institution that's simply not worth it.
[04:57] People keep getting married at older ages.
[05:00] In the 1960s, over half of Americans under 30 were married.
[05:06] The average age of marriage for a woman was about 20, and the average age for men was 23.
[05:11] Today, only 20 percent of people under 30 are married, and the average age for women is 26 and a half, and for men is nearly 29.
[05:19] So let's take a look at some of the pros and cons of modern day marriage.
[05:24] First, the pros: marriage is the ultimate showcase of commitment, an unbreakable love bond through sickness and health.
[05:32] But there are numerous legal, financial, social, and health advantages to getting hitched.
[05:38] The legal benefits: a married couple is seen as a single taxable unit in the eyes of the government in most cases.
[05:46] This will save money on taxes when you claim your spouse as a dependent.
[05:50] There are estate planning benefits, including inheritance rights, government benefits in receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for your spouse.
[05:59] Employment benefits, such as obtaining health insurance through your spouse's employer and the right to take.
[06:06] Medical leave to care for a spouse who becomes ill.
[06:08] Decision making benefits including the right to make medical decisions if your spouse is incapacitated.
[06:15] Consumer benefits such as family rates for health, home owners, auto, and other types of insurance.
[06:20] Financial benefits: a 2005 study at the Ohio State University found that after getting married, people saw a sharp increase in level of wealth.
[06:30] After 10 years of marriage, the couples reported an average net worth of around forty-three thousand dollars.
[06:37] Single people at the same age had net worth of only eleven thousand dollars.
[06:42] However, people who got divorced were worse off than any other group.
[06:46] After a divorce, the average man was left with $8,500 in assets, while the average divorced woman had only $3,400.
[06:52] Health benefits: research has continued to show that married people live longer.
[07:01] The stability of a long marriage can act as a support structure throughout life when.
[07:06] One spouse is weak, the other gives care.
[07:08] Happily wedded patients who undergo major surgery are more than three times as likely to still be alive 15 years later when compared to their unmarried counterparts.
[07:17] There are also many perceived social benefits.
[07:20] Married people appear to be more stable, committed, and reliable.
[07:25] Having a long-standing marriage shows the world that at least someone can tolerate you.
[07:29] In the history of America, there have only been two unmarried presidents.
[07:34] The last one was Grover Cleveland in 1886, and he got married shortly into his first term.
[07:40] So a successful marriage can certainly lead to a happy, healthy, long life.
[07:44] Now here are some of the cons.
[07:48] Let's start with the wedding.
[07:51] Sure, they're fun and we all like cake, but the average wedding costs about $30,000.
[07:56] Over a third of married couples go into debt to pay off the big day, and half of those newlyweds are still paying the tab five years later.
[08:03] Chances are by the time you're finished.
[08:08] Paying off your wedding, there will be time to start paying for your divorce.
[08:12] Roughly half of all marriages in the US end in divorce.
[08:14] This is another big reason Millennials don't see the value in marriage anymore.
[08:20] Why start something if it's probably going to fail?
[08:23] Much of the millennial generation grew up with single or divorced parents.
[08:27] Their entire youth was back and forth between bickering parents, overhearing never-ending conversations of legal disputes and custody battles.
[08:37] Another huge factor contributing to men's disinterest in marriage is the fact that marriage isn't what it used to be a hundred years ago.
[08:43] Having a wife meant having someone who would raise your kids, clean your house, and cook your meals.
[08:49] This may not be an ideal dynamic for everyone, but men used to have much to gain from getting married.
[08:57] Now there are more women than men in the workforce, and more women than men have college degrees.
[09:02] Much like the bonobos, many women today no longer need a man to provide for them, and they're not interested in being a.
[09:09] Homemaker, there seems to be a direct correlation between the liberation of women and the decline in men seeking marriage.
[09:16] In areas where women are highly educated and career oriented, the marriage rates are the lowest.
[09:22] Although marriage rates continue to decline, both men and women agree that parenting is still a high priority.
[09:27] 52% of Millennials say that being a good parent is one of the most important things in life, while only 29% assign high importance to getting married.
[09:40] This shows that Millennials don't think that they necessarily need to be married in order to have a family.
[09:44] Many are choosing to avoid the headache and create a love bond and raise kids on their own terms.
[09:50] There are plenty of legal alternatives to getting married, like a domestic partnership, civil union, or creating a will.
[09:57] The truth is you can have just about all the benefits of marriage without actually getting married.
[10:01] You can have a lifelong partner who supports your goals.
[10:05] You can have a soulmate.
[10:08] You can have a family, a shared home.
[10:10] Financial wealth and good health without the state mandated license, so maybe those bonobos had it right all along.
[10:19] Do your own research, assess your own goals, and list your priorities.
[10:25] If your goal is to travel the world and check out the tinder scene in every city, then maybe marriage isn't right for you.
[10:31] That's okay; do not pressure yourself.
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[10:52] [Music]