# Stanley Tucci, Sophie Turner, Professor Brian Cox & Inua Ellams Discuss Their Dreams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkQGbB7V_Io

[00:01] We all have our own answer to the question, who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
[00:07] After all, a good meal is nothing without great company.
[00:12] So Allbirds is asking people to put their cards on the table and get to know each other's true nature.
[00:21] Nice to meet you all.
[00:22] Nice to meet you.
[00:33] Could you please introduce yourself?
[00:36] Do you want my full title?
[00:37] Yeah, yeah.
[00:38] I'm Brian Cox.
[00:40] I'm professor of Particle Physics at the University of Manchester and Royal Society Professor for Public Engagement of Science.
[00:46] It's a shame you're not successful.
[00:49] My name is Inua Ellams.
[00:50] I'm primarily a writer of poems, but now and then I get big ideas which branch into various other art forms.
[00:59] I'm Sophie Turner and I'm just an actor.
[01:04] Hardly.
[01:10] Okay, here we go.
[01:13] What's the protocol when someone cuts the line or swoops your parking spot?
[01:19] Rage silently.
[01:21] Yeah.
[01:23] Yeah, that's the English way.
[01:25] No, that's the wrong way.
[01:26] Show your hand just so they can see you.
[01:30] No, I'd remind them that there's a queue.
[01:32] Would you?
[01:33] Yeah, it starts here.
[01:34] It ends there.
[01:35] You should join it.
[01:36] Because sometimes I've been that guy and I've realized, and I've asked, is there a queue.
[01:40] And then I follow protocol.
[01:42] But doesn't it depend what the queue's for?
[01:44] Because if it's a queue full of wrestling fans, I don't think they form queues.
[01:51] So really it's are you afraid of being beaten up or not?
[01:55] Yeah, so you assess whether it's worth.
[01:57] The danger levels.
[01:58] If it's kid, you step right in.
[02:06] Describe your fantasy world as a child.
[02:10] It's a tough one, I mean, I think all I can think of is that when I was a kid, I literally all day, every day would play hotels by myself.
[02:23] And I would be checking into the hotels, and then I would be the concierge.
[02:27] And then my bedroom was the room.
[02:30] And I would print out keys and I would like run that shit.
[02:35] And I would play it for hours and hours and hours and hours.
[02:39] And truly, that was my fantasy world.
[02:41] By yourself?
[02:42] By myself, yeah.
[02:44] I had a little pink phone and I would, Hello? Sophie's Hotel.
[02:47] That's the cutest thing I've ever heard in my life, that's like so sweet.
[02:51] It was quite sad.
[02:53] It's a little sad.
[02:54] Did you complain?
[02:55] Did you complain to yourself?
[02:57] I ordered room services an hour ago now.
[03:01] Mine was, not surprisingly, I suppose it was science fiction, it was astronomy, anything to do with space.
[03:06] Right as far back as I can remember.
[03:08] I was at the right age for Carl Sagan's "Cosmos,"
[03:11] and I remember him saying those points of light in the sky.
[03:14] So you look up and you see the points of light in the sky, and then the more you know about them, the more wonderful it becomes.
[03:21] And so I got more and more drawn into that the night sky.
[03:25] Wow.
[03:26] It's very interesting to sit at this table 'cause I've watched you so much, like it's almost kind of weird.
[03:31] I know where you mean.
[03:32] You talking, I'd like to sit here and have you be right here talking about, I was just watching you yesterday on television.
[03:39] Yeah, I was, I fell asleep.
[03:43] Tons of people say that.
[03:44] They say he's kind of, it's kind of relaxing and meditative.
[03:47] It's soothing.
[03:49] Yeah, no but, I was watching you yesterday, You were talking about when Mars was created.
[03:53] And how it once had life.
[03:57] Is that what?
[03:58] Well, we don't know.
[03:59] It had oceans.
[04:00] It had oceans, right?
[04:01] At least, yeah, big lakes and rivers.
[04:03] So about 4 billion years ago, it was as earth like, perhaps more earth like than Earth in some sense.
[04:09] As we think about.
[04:10] So it was certainly a second earth for a while, but pretty rapidly it lost its atmosphere, lost its oceans, and became the arid world that we see today.
[04:21] And so one of the interesting questions that we don't really know the answer to this is how is earth unusual?
[04:29] Or is it relatively normal for planets around these distance stars?
[04:33] But you can make an argument that the number of civilizations like this in a galaxy like the Milky Way, 400 billion suns is one.
[04:42] So you can make that argument.
[04:43] So it's a good working hypothesis, I think.
[04:46] We tend to think that this place is okay.
[04:49] It's not that important, is it?
[04:50] I hear it a lot.
[04:51] You know, in the scheme of things, surely it doesn't matter too much what we do, but it could be that flips you around from a feeling of insignificance to a feeling of immense value.
[05:02] Wow.
[05:03] Less elaborate and fantastical.
[05:05] When I was a kid, my fantasy world.
[05:07] Oh yeah, as a child.
[05:12] I claimed the entire universe for my fantasy world.
[05:16] Sorry.
[05:18] Mine was much more down to earth.
[05:21] We weren't a wealthy family.
[05:23] So when my father came to the UK for holiday, he'd return with an Argos catalog.
[05:30] Oh, love those.
[05:31] And he would, he couldn't afford certain things, but he'd show us the intention to buy them.
[05:37] So one of my fantasy worlds was entirely constructed from the toys section of the Argos catalog.
[05:45] And my sisters and I, we'd build whole worlds.
[05:48] Not with the toys we had, but the toys we could have had.
[05:50] The imagination of them enough was enough to construct silly battles between hoards of Barbies and the various types of cities fighting against Transformers.
[05:59] Hoards of Barbies, no one has ever said that before.
[06:02] Hoards of Barbies.
[06:04] So my world was this conglomerate of toys we didn't have, but my father wished we had.
[06:12] My wife will find this really funny 'cause the question is, have you ever danced your heart out or are you too self-conscious to even dare?
[06:20] I'm the worst dancer.
[06:22] Have you ever?
[06:22] Are you?
[06:23] See, when I was about 17 or so, I was basically goth.
[06:26] I was into Bauhaus and those bands, you know, and Sisters of Mercy.
[06:29] So my dancing would just walking backwards and forwards in an overcoat, staring at the ground.
[06:34] So I can do that.
[06:35] So is that what you do at weddings?
[06:36] Do you bring an overcoat and start marching back and forth?
[06:40] I should do, because what I actually do is sit self-consciously in the corner as it says on the second bit and just go, yeah, no.
[06:47] I do recall once dancing my heart out, there was a warehouse rave somewhere in East London.
[06:55] And my friends were saying, Jazzy Jeff is DJing in this other place.
[06:59] No way.
[07:00] And I said, I mean, he's famous, whatever.
[07:02] But he's just pressing play like the other DJs.
[07:06] I crossed the threshold and I don't know what Jazzy Jeff was doing, but three hours later I was still dancing.
[07:15] And that's when I began to really respect DJs and what it is to know how to read that many people.
[07:22] Understand the exact song to play to pump them, but also to do so that you don't tire them out, to keep them up.
[07:34] Pick one.
[07:34] All right.
[07:36] What is a smell that makes you feel safe?
[07:39] Oh, that's nice.
[07:40] The smell of marinara.
[07:42] Mari what?
[07:43] Marinara tomato sauce.
[07:45] Marinara.
[07:46] Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
[07:48] You know what makes me feel safe is the smell of your spaghetti alla Nerano that I make.
[07:53] Really?
[07:54] Yeah, your recipe.
[07:55] It's my favorite.
[07:57] Oh, good.
[07:58] It reminds me of home every time I smell it.
[08:00] So that's a good one.
[08:01] I'm so glad.
[08:02] Yeah.
[08:03] But you do it better than my mom did.
[08:04] Don't tell my mom that.
[08:09] What's the most embarrassing thing about you?
[08:12] I'm embarrassed that I can't.
[08:14] I can't think of something.
[08:15] I don't, yeah.
[08:16] That I don't have that mind.
[08:18] I can barely add and subtract.
[08:21] I'm proud of the things that I can do well.
[08:25] But what I think of most is what I can't do as opposed to what I can do.
[08:30] And those things that I can't do make me feel embarrassed.
[08:35] Yeah.
[08:36] It's practice though, isn't it?
[08:38] Kind of.
[08:39] I mean, you mentioned that mathematics, for example, I was never particularly good at it in the sense that it took me a long time to, and it still does.
[08:49] I have to work quite hard really to do.
[08:53] And it taught me a good lesson if I wanted to do physics 'cause I was interested in astronomy.
[08:57] I had to actually do work in this area.
[09:00] And I say that when I go into schools now, I don't think anyone should think, I can't do that thing.
[09:05] It's a question of how much work are you prepared to put in?
[09:08] And some people are naturally quicker.
[09:11] I think that's it, I think people are naturally quicker.
[09:13] Maybe that's it, but not naturally better.
[09:16] There was a kid I once taught.
[09:19] I asked him if he could play the piano and his response was, I don't know, I haven't tried.
[09:24] As opposed to, no, I can't.
[09:25] Yeah.
[09:25] That's great.
[09:28] Are you someone who's comfortable asking for help?
[09:33] Oh, absolutely.
[09:34] There's so many reasons why I don't feel in any way, shape, or form about asking for help.
[09:39] Firstly, I left Nigeria in 1996, but it took 26 years to get a British passport to get settled.
[09:46] Here I was throughout that entire period where I wasn't sure if I'd be in the country to finish plays that I was writing for actors.
[09:56] My sanity was maintained by asking for help or telling people this is what's up.
[10:01] And people say, okay, cool, I got you.
[10:03] People bending the rules to make me sane, to keep me here from writing support letters to members of the home office staff for those who are kind, it fulfills an insatiable need in.
[10:17] Them to offer kindness.
[10:18] You build community, friendship, trust, whole societies are built on asking for help on non-commercial, non-transactional bonds.
[10:28] You know?
[10:29] So yeah.
[10:30] I have no qualms about asking for help at all.
[10:34] It makes absolute sense, as you said, to get as many, as much help as possible if your goal is just to make progress and understand.
[10:43] And I love what you said actually, just thinking about there's that non-transactional transaction asking about is the fabric, it's the thing that weaves society together.
[10:55] That's a beautiful point.
[10:56] I hadn't thought of it that way, but if we didn't think of the alternatives a society where nobody asks or receives any help.
[11:05] It's not a society, is it?
[11:07] No.
[11:08] I have a big problem asking for help.
[11:09] Really?
[11:11] I do.
[11:11] I am so, I'm such a socially anxious person and I just can't, I can't, I barely talk to people.
[11:18] Really do.
[11:20] Well, yeah, I mean, I'm better at it now, but I'm very socially anxious.
[11:25] But I put on a front, so you guys probably wouldn't know.
[11:28] You're doing very well.
[11:29] Unless I talk about it, people don't tend to know.
[11:32] But I, yeah, I have a big problem asking for help.
[11:37] Do you have a recurrent dream?
[11:39] And what do you think it's trying to tell you?
[11:43] Ooh, that's a good one.
[11:45] I am about to graduate high school and I have avoided going to maths class all year.
[11:54] And somehow I've gotten away with it and I'm about to graduate and I think somebody's gonna find out and they won't let me graduate.
[12:03] And I'll have to go back and really do it if I can.
[12:07] It's all about to be exposed.
[12:10] And I'm not gonna get out and I'm gonna have to go back.
[12:13] Well, that's a horrible dream.
[12:15] What do you think these dreams are trying to tell you?
[12:17] It's embarrassment.
[12:18] There are certain things I do well.
[12:19] But that thing, those things I can't do.
[12:21] They weigh heavily.
[12:23] I don't have recurring dreams at all.
[12:25] I've had sleep paralysis.
[12:27] Has anyone had sleep paralysis before?
[12:29] That's horrible.
[12:30] Oh my God, I've only had it twice in my life, but it was awful.
[12:35] That's the only interesting dream I've ever had.
[12:38] What happened?
[12:38] How old were you?
[12:40] So both times I was staying, I think it was where they, it it was where they built the Titanic and they'd converted it into a hotel.
[12:49] The Titanic Hotel, is it?
[12:50] Yeah, it was the Titanic Hotel.
[12:53] It was just creepy.
[12:54] And I arrived and I got there and they said, you know, the phone doesn't work in your room, and by the way, the doors don't really lock that well.
[13:02] So immediately I was like, oh.
[13:04] Yeah, it was terrifying.
[13:05] Before I'd gone to sleep, I put my suitcase in front of the door because I was like, I just want to hear if someone tries to come in.
[13:10] And I woke up and my, I couldn't move my body and I moved my eyes and I could see the door being pushed open, hear my suitcase rattling.
[13:18] And then this woman in white, like, you know,
[13:22] Stereotypical ghost walks in and just like, turns her head and looks at me.
[13:27] That was it, I woke up the next night, I fell back asleep and I could feel like this scratching on my feet and I couldn't move my body.
[13:38] And I moved my eyes down and the same woman was there like this at the end of my bed going, scratching my feet.
[13:46] That was awful.
[13:47] That is actually terrifying, isn't it?
[13:49] It was terrifying.
[13:50] Terrifying.
[13:51] Yeah and you can't scream.
[13:52] You can't do anything.
[13:53] Oh, it was horrible.
[13:54] Oh my God.
[13:55] Yeah.
[13:56] Do you have recurring dreams?
[13:58] No, I don't tend to remember dreams.
[14:02] Really?
[14:03] Yeah and again, my wife said, it's 'cause you've got no inner life.
[14:11] Jesus.
[14:13] She's kind of joking, I think.
[14:21] I think it's back to you.
[14:22] Tell us about a work of poetry or art that changed you.
[14:28] I mean, I recently, not too recently, but I.
[14:31] You saw one of my films?
[14:32] Yeah, yeah.
[14:33] It was just, I know it.
[14:35] No, I recently began to appreciate classical music in a way that I hadn't thought of before.
[14:42] Often for me anyway, musically from the turn of the 20th century, there were eloquent explorations of the problems and the challenges that arise when you think about the universe as we see it today.
[14:53] And Mahler was asked once actually what he was trying to say in this beautiful music.
[14:58] And he said, well, if I could say it, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have written the music.
[15:01] So it tells you there were different languages to which are all not only valid, but necessary sort of tools that we have to explore this challenge.
[15:14] This is what makes poetry so impossible.
[15:17] John Keats.
[15:18] He says, poets are the midwives of reality, which is very grandiose.
[15:24] But I like it, the idea that the possibilities are endless and poets are there just to catch what may be and then bring them into reality.
[15:35] And a poem which really demonstrates this is by Jack Gilbert an American poet.
[15:41] The poem is called "The Forgotten Dialect of the Heart."
[15:44] And it talks about how language ultimately fails, at the same time, they're the only tools we have to try and describe what is undescribable.
[15:56] And each just approaches the truth, but is never quite quite there.
[16:00] But this is what music does.
[16:03] Music answers the question that poetry can't quite answer or articulate.
[16:08] Music picks up the baton and keeps on running.
[16:12] But it's like any form of art is first of all necessary.
[16:17] And we think it's not necessary.
[16:18] I think it's a luxury, but it isn't.
[16:20] It's absolutely vital to a healthy society.
[16:24] And to who we are.
[16:26] It's about distillation in the end, there was a thing that Hemingway said, somebody said, well, short stories are really hard to write you so many words.
[16:36] Somebody this, but to try to keep it.
[16:37] And he goes, no, no, no.
[16:40] They said, can you give us one right now?
[16:41] And he said, okay, do you know this one?
[16:44] I know this very well.
[16:46] For sale pair of child's shoes, never worn something like that.
[16:51] For sale baby shoes never worn.
[16:54] Six word story.
[16:56] Yeah.
[16:56] Wow.
[16:57] Exactly.
[16:58] And that just.
[16:59] Yeah, it's a whole, it's a what you find yourself doing is building a world around the six words, was it said during the Russian Revolution, was it in the time of extreme poverty or extreme wealth.
[17:11] And you know, all of these questions, you bring characters to it.
[17:14] And then you build a whole pyramid and all, you have the capstone of those six words.
[17:20] That poem like, makes me want to cry.
[17:22] Yeah, I know it's beautiful.
[17:24] That and Rilke's letters to a young poet.
[17:27] Yeah, did you read this at a pivotal time in your life?
[17:30] I read it just when I got out of university.
[17:34] And it just went.
[17:36] Wow.
[17:36] Yeah.
[17:43] All right, here, who is that changed your life and might not have a clue?
[17:48] I would say my granddad changed my life and I never told him that he changed my life before he died.
[17:54] He was like an amateur dramatics actor.
[17:58] Like we were all so proud of him.
[17:59] He'd been an extra in a TV show.
[18:02] He really kind of brought me up into, you know, the passion and the love of theater and acting and film.
[18:10] And I remember thinking like a month before he died, you know, I must tell granddad how much those conversations mean to me.
[18:18] And then he passed away before I could.
[18:21] But he was everything to me.
[18:24] Mine was my first English teacher in the UK.
[18:29] When I left Nigeria.
[18:30] She sent us homeworks, which captured my imagination.
[18:33] We had to write a short story.
[18:35] And I adapted The Man in the Iron Mask, which she liked, but not only did she like it.
[18:41] She read it to the entire class.
[18:44] Wow.
[18:45] And I got a standing ovation from my peers, my class.
[18:48] I was like, you know, 13, whatever, 14.
[18:51] And the girl that I had a crush on ran across the class and gave me a hug, like a proper full body contact hug.
[18:59] It just meant everything to me.
[19:01] So it was the first time I created something that moved people.
[19:05] And that English teacher always told me, "I think you could be a good writer."
[19:09] And it obviously took years for me to come around to that.
[19:12] But that simple act of constant encouragement and validation, that completely changed my life.
[19:18] It's amazing she saw that in you so early.
[19:20] Yeah.
[19:21] You know, we forget sometimes, don't we?
[19:23] You know, like you said, a teacher said you could be a good writer.
[19:25] That's one thing that she might not have said, and then changed someone's way.
[19:32] Changed your life, yeah.
[19:36] What do you see as a sign of a good relationship?
[19:40] I wouldn't know.
[19:43] Oh Jesus.
[19:44] I think mine is to be able to sit silently without feeling compelled to say anything.
[19:51] Yeah.
[19:53] And just, and just to know?
[19:55] You know?
[19:56] Yeah.
[19:57] And it takes a lot of time with the person to get to the point where there isn't an awkward silence in any way, shape or form.
[20:05] And you know, the person so well you sort of said everything to each other.
[20:09] I don't know the ability to communicate openly would be a great sign for me.
[20:15] Yeah, for any relationship.
[20:18] I do a thing called Safe Space Saturdays with my girlfriends and my boyfriend.
[20:22] And every Saturday we just put it all out on the table.
[20:26] Oh really?
[20:27] But you can't judge and you work through it.
[20:29] Oh, that's great.
[20:30] Yeah.
[20:30] I should start it with my family too.
[20:32] I think it's great for everyone.
[20:33] - Yeah.
[20:34] - I agree with them both absolutely.
[20:36] I often find the answers
[20:39] to complex questions are in colliding ideas,
[20:42] could they collide your ideas?
[20:44] Your idea is communicate and verbalize
[20:46] and put everything out in the open.
[20:49] And then your position is yes but also there's
[20:51] this place for silence.
[20:53] And I think it's in the intersection between these ideas
[20:56] that you get the truth.
[20:58] So I'm gonna go for the intersection between your two ideas.
[21:02] Is that a cop out?
[21:03] - No it's not, I would go there too.
[21:10] Now I'm worried.
[21:11] - I am too.
[21:14] What is the main source of your courage?
[21:17] I would say my kids actually, my kids are the main source
[21:21] of my courage for like a multitude of reasons.
[21:24] Like I'll fight to the death for my kids
[21:29] if anyone comes near them.
[21:32] I'll ax them to death.
[21:35] - Did you learn that on "Game of Thrones?"
[21:39] - Where's your nanny now?
[21:46] - But also I suppose like, like it leads,
[21:49] it feeds into the acting
[21:51] because I was never as uninhibited until I had children.
[21:55] And then you just want to make them happy
[21:57] and feed their imagination.
[21:58] And so you will be the silliest, most wild version
[22:01] of yourself you can be to feed their imagination.
[22:05] And then that in turn feeds my acting I think.
[22:08] - What about you Stanley?
[22:11] - Some of it is
[22:13] sort of learned behavior, like watching your parents,
[22:18] you know, in, you know, times of trouble,
[22:22] emotional trouble or something like that.
[22:25] And you know how they
[22:29] had the courage to get through things,
[22:33] through death, through illness, through all that.
[22:37] And then there's the courage.
[22:41] You summon up courage to do what you want to do
[22:44] to be successful.
[22:45] And part of that part of courage is ambition, I think.
[22:52] What surprised you most tonight?
[22:56] - I didn't realize you guys were all such a******s.
[23:03] I knew it was gonna be a fascinating
[23:04] conversation coming into it.
[23:06] - Yeah.
[23:07] - And yeah, it lived up to all my expectations
[23:10] - But I knew it would be great, like you said,
[23:12] but it's even greater than I thought it would be.
[23:15] - And the depth of it all.
[23:16] And these questions are great.
[23:18] - A good idea.
[23:20] - A really good idea.
[23:20] - Yeah.
[23:21] - It was all my idea.
[23:25] Cheers.
[23:26] - Cheers everyone.
[23:27] - Cheers.
[23:28] - So nice to meet you all.
[23:29] - What a lovely dinner.
[23:31] - Really great.
[01:00:04] - We all have our own answer to the question,
[01:00:06] who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
[01:00:10] After all, a good meal is nothing without great company.
[01:00:15] So Allbirds is asking people to put their cards on the table
[01:00:19] and get to know each other's true nature.
[01:00:24] - Nice to meet you all.
[01:00:25] - Nice to meet you.
[01:00:36] - Could you please introduce yourself?
[01:00:39] - Do you want my full title?
[01:00:40] - Yeah, yeah.
[01:00:42] - I'm Brian Cox.
[01:00:43] I'm professor of Particle Physics
[01:00:45] at the University of Manchester and Royal Society Professor
[01:00:48] for Public Engagement of Science.
[01:00:49] - It's a shame you're not successful.
[01:00:52] - My name is Inua Ellams.
[01:00:53] I'm primarily a writer of poems, but now and then
[01:00:57] I get big ideas which branch into various other art forms.
[01:01:03] - I'm Sophie Turner and I'm just an actor.
[01:01:07] - Hardly.
[01:01:13] Okay, here we go.
[01:01:16] What's the protocol when someone cuts the line
[01:01:19] or swoops your parking spot?
[01:01:22] - Rage silently.
[01:01:24] - Yeah.
[01:01:26] - That's the English way.
[01:01:28] - Yeah that's the English way.
[01:01:28] - No, that's the wrong way.
[01:01:30] - Show your hand just so they can see you.
[01:01:33] - No, I'd remind them that there's a queue.
[01:01:35] - Would you?
[01:01:36] - Yeah, it starts here.
[01:01:37] It ends there.
[01:01:38] You should join it.
[01:01:40] Because sometimes I've been that guy and I've realized,
[01:01:42] and I've asked, is there a queue.
[01:01:44] And then I follow protocol.
[01:01:45] - But doesn't it depend what the queue's for?
[01:01:47] Because if it's a queue full of wrestling fans,
[01:01:53] - I don't think they form queues.
[01:01:54] - So really it's are you afraid of being beaten up
[01:01:58] or not?
[01:01:58] - Yeah, so you assess whether it's worth.
[01:02:00] - The danger levels.
[01:02:01] - If it's kid, you step right in.
[01:02:09] - Describe your fantasy world as a child.
[01:02:13] - It's a tough one, I mean, I think all I can think of is
[01:02:18] that when I was a kid, I literally all day,
[01:02:22] every day would play hotels by myself.
[01:02:26] And I would be checking into the hotels,
[01:02:28] and then I would be the concierge.
[01:02:31] And then my bedroom was the room.
[01:02:33] And I would print out keys and I would like run that shit.
[01:02:38] And I would play it for hours and hours and hours and hours.
[01:02:42] And truly, that was my fantasy world.
[01:02:44] - By yourself?
[01:02:45] - By myself, yeah.
[01:02:47] I had a little pink phone and I would, Hello? Sophie's Hotel.
[01:02:51] - That's the cutest thing I've ever heard.
[01:02:53] Like, that's like so sweet.
[01:02:55] It was quite sad.
[01:02:56] It's a little sad.
[01:02:57] - Did you complain.
[01:02:58] Did you complain to yourself?
[01:03:00] I ordered room services
[01:03:01] an hour ago now.
[01:03:04] Mine was, not surprisingly,
[01:03:06] I suppose it was science fiction, it was astronomy,
[01:03:08] anything to do with space.
[01:03:10] Right as far back as I can remember.
[01:03:11] I was at the right age for Carl Sagan's "Cosmos,"
[01:03:15] and I remember him saying those points of light in the sky.
[01:03:18] So you look up and you see the points of light in the sky,
[01:03:20] and then the more you know about them,
[01:03:22] the more wonderful it becomes.
[01:03:24] And so I got more
[01:03:26] and more drawn into that the night sky.
[01:03:29] - Wow.
[01:03:30] - It's very interesting to sit at this table
[01:03:31] 'cause I've watched you so much,
[01:03:33] like it's almost kind of weird.
[01:03:34] - I know where you mean.
[01:03:36] - You talking, I'd like to sit here
[01:03:37] and have you be right here talking about,
[01:03:40] I was just watching you yesterday on television.
[01:03:43] - Yeah, I was, I fell asleep.
[01:03:46] - Tons of people say that.
[01:03:47] They say he's kind of, it's kind of relaxing and meditative.
[01:03:50] - It's soothing.
[01:03:52] - Yeah, no but, I was watching you yesterday,
[01:03:54] You were talking about when Mars was created.
[01:03:57] And how it once had life.
[01:04:00] Is that what?
[01:04:01] - Well, we don't know.
[01:04:02] It had oceans.
[01:04:03] - It had oceans, right?
[01:04:04] - At least, yeah, big lakes and rivers.
[01:04:06] So about 4 billion years ago, it was as earth like,
[01:04:09] perhaps more earth like than Earth in some sense,
[01:04:12] as we think about.
[01:04:13] So it was certainly a second earth for a while,
[01:04:16] but pretty rapidly it lost its atmosphere,
[01:04:20] lost its oceans,
[01:04:22] and became the arid world that we see today.
[01:04:25] And so one of the interesting questions
[01:04:27] that we don't really know the answer to this is
[01:04:30] how is earth unusual?
[01:04:32] Or is it relatively normal for planets
[01:04:35] around these distance stars?
[01:04:36] But you can make an argument that the number
[01:04:38] of civilizations like this in a galaxy like the Milky Way,
[01:04:41] 400 billion suns is one.
[01:04:45] So you can make that argument.
[01:04:47] So it's a good working hypothesis,
[01:04:49] I think you tend to think that this place is okay.
[01:04:52] It's not that important, is it?
[01:04:54] I hear it a lot.
[01:04:54] You know, in the scheme of things,
[01:04:56] surely it doesn't matter too much what we do,
[01:04:58] but it could be that flips you around from a feeling
[01:05:02] of insignificance to a feeling of immense value.
[01:05:05] - Wow.
[01:05:06] - Less elaborate and fantastical.
[01:05:08] When I was a kid, my fantasy world.
[01:05:11] - Oh yeah, as a child.
[01:05:15] - I claimed the entire universe for my fantasy world.
[01:05:20] Sorry.
[01:05:21] - Mine was much more down to earth,
[01:05:25] weren't a wealthy family.
[01:05:26] So when my father came to the UK for holiday, he'd returned
[01:05:31] with an Argos catalog.
[01:05:33] - Oh, love those.
[01:05:34] - And he would, he couldn't afford certain things,
[01:05:37] but he'd show us the intention to buy them.
[01:05:41] So one of my fantasy worlds was entirely constructed
[01:05:45] from the toys section of the Argos catalog.
[01:05:48] And my sisters and I, we'd build whole worlds.
[01:05:51] Not with the toys we had, but the toys we could have had.
[01:05:53] The imagination of them enough was enough
[01:05:56] to construct silly battles between hoards of Barbies
[01:05:59] and the various types of cities fighting
[01:06:02] against Transformers.
[01:06:02] - Hoards of Barbies, no one has ever said that before.
[01:06:06] - Hoards of Barbies.
[01:06:07] So my world was this conglomerate
[01:06:09] of toys we didn't have, but my father wished we had.
[01:06:16] - My wife will find this really funny
[01:06:18] 'cause the question is, have you ever danced your heart out
[01:06:21] or are you too self-conscious to even dare?
[01:06:24] I'm the worst dancer.
[01:06:25] - Have you ever?
[01:06:26] - Are you?
[01:06:27] - See, when I was about 17 or so, I was basically goth.
[01:06:29] I was into Bauhaus
[01:06:31] and those bands, you know, and Sisters of Mercy.
[01:06:33] So my dancing would just walking backwards
[01:06:34] and forwards in an overcoat,
[01:06:36] staring at the ground.
[01:06:37] So I can do that.
[01:06:38] - So is that what you do at weddings?
[01:06:40] Do you bring an overcoat and start marching back and forth?
[01:06:43] - I should do, because what I actually do is sit
[01:06:45] self-consciously in the corner
[01:06:47] as it says on the second bit and just go, yeah, no.
[01:06:51] - I do recall once dancing my heart out,
[01:06:54] there was a warehouse rave somewhere in East London.
[01:06:58] And my friends were saying, Jazzy Jeff is DJing
[01:07:01] in this other place.
[01:07:02] - No way.
[01:07:03] - And I said, I mean, he's famous, whatever.
[01:07:06] But he's just pressing play like the other DJs.
[01:07:09] I crossed the threshold
[01:07:12] and I don't know what Jazzy Jeff was doing,
[01:07:15] but three hours later I was still dancing.
[01:07:19] And that's when I began to really respect DJs
[01:07:22] and what it is to know how to read that many people.
[01:07:25] Understand the exact song to play
[01:07:27] to pump them, but also to do so
[01:07:29] that you don't tire them out, to keep them up.
[01:07:37] - Pick one.
[01:07:38] - All right.
[01:07:39] What is a smell that makes you feel safe?
[01:07:42] Oh, that's nice.
[01:07:43] - The smell of marinara.
[01:07:46] - Mari what?
[01:07:46] - Marinara tomato sauce.
[01:07:48] - Marinara.
[01:07:49] - Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
[01:07:52] - You know what makes me feel safe is the smell
[01:07:54] of your spaghetti alla Nerano that I make.
[01:07:57] - Really?
[01:07:57] - Yeah, your recipe.
[01:07:59] It's my favorite.
[01:08:00] - Oh, good.
[01:08:01] - It reminds me of home every time I smell it.
[01:08:03] So that's a good one.
[01:08:04] - I'm so glad.
[01:08:05] - Yeah.
[01:08:06] - But you do it better than my mom did.
[01:08:08] Don't tell my mom that.
[01:08:13] What's the most embarrassing thing about you?
[01:08:15] - I'm embarrassed that I can't.
[01:08:17] - Think of something.
[01:08:18] - I don't, yeah. I can't think of something
[01:08:20] that I don't have that mind.
[01:08:22] I can barely add and subtract.
[01:08:25] I'm proud of the things that I can do well.
[01:08:28] But what I think of most is what I can't do
[01:08:31] as opposed to what I can do.
[01:08:33] And those things that I can't do make me feel embarrassed.
[01:08:38] - Yeah.
[01:08:40] - It's practice though, isn't it?
[01:08:41] - Kind of.
[01:08:42] - I mean, you mentioned that mathematics, for example,
[01:08:46] I was never particularly good at it in the sense
[01:08:48] that it took me a long time to, and it still does.
[01:08:53] I have to work quite hard really to do.
[01:08:56] And it taught me a good lesson if I wanted to do physics
[01:08:59] 'cause I was interested in astronomy.
[01:09:00] I had to actually do work in this area.
[01:09:03] And I say that when I go into schools now,
[01:09:06] I don't think anyone should think, I can't do that thing.
[01:09:09] It's a question of how much work are you prepared to put in?
[01:09:12] And some people are naturally quicker.
[01:09:14] I think that's it, I think people are naturally quicker.
[01:09:16] Maybe that's it, but not naturally better.
[01:09:20] - There was a kid I once taught,
[01:09:22] I asked him if he could play the piano
[01:09:24] and his response was, I don't know, I haven't tried.
[01:09:27] - As opposed to, no, I can't.
[01:09:29] - Yeah. - That's great.
[01:09:31] Are you someone who's comfortable asking for help?
[01:09:36] - Oh, absolutely.
[01:09:37] There's so many reasons why I don't feel in any way, shape,
[01:09:41] or form about asking for help.
[01:09:42] Firstly, I left Nigeria in 1996,
[01:09:44] but it took 26 years
[01:09:47] to get a British passport to get settled,
[01:09:49] here I was throughout that entire period where
[01:09:53] I wasn't sure if I'd be in the country to finish plays
[01:09:57] that I was writing for actors.
[01:10:00] My sanity was maintained by asking for help
[01:10:03] or telling people this is what's up.
[01:10:05] And people say, okay, cool, I got you.
[01:10:06] People bending the rules to make me sane,
[01:10:09] to keep me here from writing support letters to members
[01:10:13] of the home office staff for those who are kind,
[01:10:17] it fulfills an insatiable need in
[01:10:20] them to offer kindness.
[01:10:22] You build community, friendship, trust, whole societies
[01:10:25] are built on asking for help on non-commercial,
[01:10:29] non-transactional bonds.
[01:10:32] You know?
[01:10:33] So yeah.
[01:10:33] I have no qualms about asking for help at all.
[01:10:37] - It makes absolute sense, as you said, to get as many,
[01:10:40] as much help as possible if your goal is just
[01:10:43] to make progress and understand.
[01:10:46] And I love what you said actually,
[01:10:48] just thinking about there's that
[01:10:51] non-transactional transaction asking about is the fabric,
[01:10:56] it's the thing that weaves society together.
[01:10:58] That's a beautiful point.
[01:10:59] I hadn't thought of it that way, but if we
[01:11:01] didn't think of the alternatives
[01:11:04] a society where nobody asks or receives any help.
[01:11:08] It's not a society, is it?
[01:11:10] - No.
[01:11:11] - I have a big problem asking for help.
[01:11:13] - Really?
[01:11:14] - I do.
[01:11:15] I am so, I'm such a socially anxious person
[01:11:17] and I just can't, I can't, I barely talk to people.
[01:11:22] Really do.
[01:11:23] Well, yeah, I mean, I'm better at it now,
[01:11:26] but I'm very socially anxious.
[01:11:28] But I put on a front,
[01:11:30] so you guys probably wouldn't know.
[01:11:32] - You're doing very well.
[01:11:32] - Unless I talk about it, people don't tend to know.
[01:11:35] But I, yeah, I have a big problem asking for help.
[01:11:40] - Do you have a recurrent dream?
[01:11:42] And what do you think it's trying to tell you?
[01:11:47] - Ooh, that's a good one.
[01:11:48] - I am about to graduate high school
[01:11:51] and I have avoided going to math class all year.
[01:11:57] And somehow I've gotten away with it
[01:12:00] and I'm about to graduate
[01:12:02] and I think somebody's gonna find out
[01:12:05] and they won't let me graduate.
[01:12:06] And I'll have to go back and really do it if I can.
[01:12:11] - It's all about to be exposed.
[01:12:13] And I'm not gonna get out
[01:12:14] and I'm gonna have to go back.
[01:12:16] - Well, that's a horrible dream.
[01:12:18] - What do you think these dreams are trying to tell you?
[01:12:20] - It's embarrassment.
[01:12:21] There are certain things I do well,
[01:12:23] but that thing, those things I can't do.
[01:12:25] They weigh heavily.
[01:12:26] - I don't have recurring dreams at all.
[01:12:29] I've had sleep paralysis.
[01:12:30] Has anyone had sleep paralysis before?
[01:12:32] - That's horrible
[01:12:34] - Oh my God, I've only had it twice in my life,
[01:12:37] but it was awful.
[01:12:38] That's the only interesting dream I've ever had.
[01:12:41] - What happened?
[01:12:42] How old were you?
[01:12:43] - So both times I was staying, I think it was
[01:12:47] where they, it it was where they built the Titanic
[01:12:51] and they'd converted it into a hotel.
[01:12:53] - The Titanic Hotel, is it?
[01:12:54] - Yeah, it was the Titanic Hotel.
[01:12:56] It was just creepy.
[01:12:57] And I arrived and I got there
[01:13:01] and they said, you know,
[01:13:02] the phone doesn't work in your room,
[01:13:03] and by the way, the doors don't really lock that well.
[01:13:05] So immediately I was like, oh.
[01:13:07] - Yeah, it was terrifying.
[01:13:08] - Before I'd gone to sleep, I put my suitcase in front
[01:13:10] of the door because I was like,
[01:13:12] I just want to hear if someone tries to come in.
[01:13:13] And I woke up and my, I couldn't move my body
[01:13:17] and I moved my eyes
[01:13:18] and I could see the door being pushed open,
[01:13:20] hear my suitcase rattling.
[01:13:22] And then this woman in white, like, you know,
[01:13:25] stereotypical ghost walks in
[01:13:28] and just like, turns her head and looks at me.
[01:13:30] That was it, I woke up the next night, I fell back asleep
[01:13:34] and I could feel like this scratching on my feet
[01:13:38] and I couldn't move my body.
[01:13:41] And I moved my eyes down
[01:13:43] and the same woman was there like this
[01:13:46] at the end of my bed going, scratching my feet.
[01:13:50] That was awful.
[01:13:51] - That is actually terrifying, isn't it?
[01:13:52] - It was terrifying.
[01:13:53] - Terrifying.
[01:13:54] - Yeah and you can't scream.
[01:13:55] You can't do anything.
[01:13:56] Oh, it was horrible.
[01:13:58] - Oh my God.
[01:13:58] - Yeah.
[01:13:59] Do you have recurring dreams?
[01:14:01] - No, I don't tend to remember dreams.
[01:14:05] - Really?
[01:14:06] - Yeah and again, my wife said,
[01:14:09] it's 'cause you've got no inner life.
[01:14:14] - Jesus.
[01:14:17] - She's kind of joking, I think.
[01:14:24] - I think it's back to you.
[01:14:26] - Tell us about a work
[01:14:27] of poetry or art that changed you.
[01:14:31] - I mean, I recently, not too recently, but I.
[01:14:34] - You saw one of my films?
[01:14:35] - Yeah, yeah.
[01:14:36] - It was just, I know it.
[01:14:39] - No, I recently began to appreciate classical music
[01:14:43] in a way that I hadn't thought of before.
[01:14:45] Often for me anyway, musically from the turn
[01:14:47] of the 20th century, there were eloquent explorations
[01:14:51] of the problems and the challenges
[01:14:53] that arise when you think about the universe
[01:14:55] as we see it today.
[01:14:56] And Mahler was asked once actually what he was trying
[01:14:58] to say in this beautiful music.
[01:15:01] And he said, well, if I could say it, I wouldn't have,
[01:15:03] I wouldn't have written the music.
[01:15:04] So it tells you there were different languages to
[01:15:07] which are all not only valid,
[01:15:11] but necessary sort of tools that we have
[01:15:15] to explore this challenge.
[01:15:17] - This is what makes poetry so impossible.
[01:15:21] John Keats.
[01:15:21] He says, poets are the midwives of reality,
[01:15:25] which is very grandiose.
[01:15:27] But I like it, the idea that
[01:15:29] the possibilities are endless
[01:15:32] and poets are there just to catch what may be
[01:15:35] and then bring them into reality.
[01:15:38] And a poem which really demon demonstrates this is
[01:15:42] by Jack Gilbert an American poet.
[01:15:44] The poem is called "The Forgotten Dialect of the Heart."
[01:15:48] And it talks about how language ultimately fails,
[01:15:53] at the same time,
[01:15:54] they're the only tools we have to try
[01:15:56] and describe what is undescribable.
[01:15:59] And each just approaches the truth,
[01:16:01] but is never quite quite there.
[01:16:04] But this is what music does.
[01:16:06] Music answers the question that poetry
[01:16:08] can't quite answer or articulate.
[01:16:11] Music picks up the baton and keeps on running.
[01:16:15] - But it's like any form of art is first
[01:16:18] of all necessary.
[01:16:20] And we think it's not necessary.
[01:16:21] I think it's a luxury, but it isn't.
[01:16:23] It's absolutely vital to a healthy society
[01:16:28] and to who we are.
[01:16:29] It's about distillation in the end, there was a thing
[01:16:32] that Hemingway said, somebody said, well,
[01:16:35] short stories are really hard to write you
[01:16:37] so many words.
[01:16:39] Somebody this, but to try to keep it.
[01:16:41] And he goes, no, no, no.
[01:16:43] They said, can you give us one right now?
[01:16:45] And he said, okay, do you know this one?
[01:16:47] - I know this very well.
[01:16:49] - For sale pair of child's shoes,
[01:16:52] never worn something like that.
[01:16:54] - For sale baby shoes never worn.
[01:16:57] Six word story.
[01:16:59] - Yeah.
[01:17:00] - Wow.
[01:17:01] - Exactly.
[01:17:01] - And that just.
[01:17:02] - Yeah, it's a whole, it's a what you find yourself doing
[01:17:06] is building a world around the six words, was it said
[01:17:09] during the Russian Revolution, was it in the time
[01:17:11] of extreme poverty or extreme wealth.
[01:17:14] And you know, all of these questions,
[01:17:16] you bring characters to it.
[01:17:17] And then you build a whole pyramid
[01:17:20] and all, you have the capstone of those six words.
[01:17:23] - That poem like, makes me want to cry.
[01:17:25] - Yeah, I know it's beautiful.
[01:17:26] It's beautiful.
[01:17:27] That and Rilke's letters to a young poet.
[01:17:31] - Yeah, did you read this at a pivotal time in your life?
[01:17:34] - I read it just when I got out of university.
[01:17:37] And it just went.
[01:17:40] - Wow. - Yeah.
[01:17:46] All right, here, who is that changed your life
[01:17:49] and might not have a clue?
[01:17:52] - I would say my granddad changed my life
[01:17:54] and I never told him that he changed my life before he died.
[01:17:58] He was like an amateur dramatics actor.
[01:18:01] Like we were all so proud of him.
[01:18:03] He'd been an extra in a TV show.
[01:18:05] He really kind of brought me up into, you know, the passion
[01:18:10] and the love of theater and acting and film.
[01:18:13] And I remember thinking like a month
[01:18:16] before he died, you know, I must tell granddad
[01:18:19] how much those conversations mean to me.
[01:18:21] And then he passed away before I could.
[01:18:24] But he was everything to me.
[01:18:27] - Mine was my first English teacher in the UK
[01:18:32] when I left Nigeria.
[01:18:33] She sent us homeworks, which captured my imagination.
[01:18:37] We had to write a short story.
[01:18:39] And I adapted the man in the iron mask, which she liked,
[01:18:44] but not only did she like it.
[01:18:45] She read it to the entire class.
[01:18:47] - Wow.
[01:18:48] - And I got a standing ovation from my peers, my class.
[01:18:52] I was like the you know 13, whatever, 14.
[01:18:55] And the girl that had a crush on ran across the class
[01:18:58] and gave me a hug, like a proper full body contact hug.
[01:19:03] It just meant everything to me.
[01:19:05] So it was the first time I created something
[01:19:07] that moved people.
[01:19:08] And that English teacher always told me,
[01:19:11] I think you could be a good writer.
[01:19:13] And I obviously took years for me to come around to that.
[01:19:15] But that simple act of constant encouragement
[01:19:18] and validation that completely changed my life.
[01:19:21] - It's amazing she saw that in you so early.
[01:19:24] - Yeah.
[01:19:24] - You know, we forget sometimes, don't we?
[01:19:26] You know, like you said, a teacher said
[01:19:27] you could be a good writer.
[01:19:29] That's one thing that she might not have said.
[01:19:32] And then changed someone's way.
[01:19:35] - Changed your life, yeah.
[01:19:40] - What do you see as a sign of a good relationship?
[01:19:44] - I wouldn't know.
[01:19:46] - Oh Jesus.
[01:19:47] - I think mine is to be able to sit silently
[01:19:52] without feeling compelled to say anything.
[01:19:55] - Yeah.
[01:19:56] - And just, and just to know?
[01:19:58] - You know?
[01:19:59] - Yeah.
[01:20:01] - And it takes a lot of time with the person to get
[01:20:03] to the point where there isn't an awkward silence
[01:20:07] in any way, shape or form.
[01:20:08] And you know, the person so well you sort
[01:20:11] of said everything to each other.
[01:20:13] - I don't know the ability
[01:20:14] to communicate openly would be a great sign for me.
[01:20:18] - For any relationship.
[01:20:19] - Yeah, for any relationship.
[01:20:21] - I do a thing called Safe Space Saturdays
[01:20:24] with my girlfriends and my boyfriend.
[01:20:26] And every Saturday we just put it all out on the table.
[01:20:29] - Oh really?
[01:20:30] - But you can't judge and you work through it.
[01:20:32] - Oh, that's great.
[01:20:33] - Yeah.
[01:20:34] I should start it with my family too.
[01:20:35] I think it's great for everyone.
[01:20:37] - Yeah.
[01:20:38] - I agree with them both absolutely.
[01:20:40] I often find the answers
[01:20:42] to complex questions are in colliding ideas,
[01:20:46] could they collide your ideas?
[01:20:47] Your idea is communicate and verbalize
[01:20:50] and put everything out in the open.
[01:20:52] And then your position is yes but also there's
[01:20:55] this place for silence.
[01:20:57] And I think it's in the intersection between these ideas
[01:21:00] that you get the truth.
[01:21:02] So I'm gonna go for the intersection between your two ideas.
[01:21:05] Is that a cop out?
[01:21:07] - No it's not, I would go there too.
[01:21:14] Now I'm worried.
[01:21:15] - I am too.
[01:21:17] What is the main source of your courage?
[01:21:21] I would say my kids actually, my kids are the main source
[01:21:24] of my courage for like a multitude of reasons.
[01:21:28] Like I'll fight to the death for my kids
[01:21:32] if anyone comes near them.
[01:21:35] I'll ax them to death.
[01:21:38] - Did you learn that on "Game of Thrones?"
[01:21:43] - Where's your nanny now?
[01:21:49] - But also I suppose like, like it leads,
[01:21:52] it feeds into the acting
[01:21:55] because I was never as uninhibited until I had children.
[01:21:58] And then you just want to make them happy
[01:22:00] and feed their imagination.
[01:22:02] And so you will be the silliest, most wild version
[01:22:05] of yourself you can be to feed their imagination.
[01:22:08] And then that in turn feeds my acting I think.
[01:22:12] - What about you Stanley?
[01:22:14] - Some of it is
[01:22:17] sort of learned behavior, like watching your parents,
[01:22:22] you know, in, you know, times of trouble,
[01:22:26] emotional trouble or something like that.
[01:22:29] And you know how they
[01:22:32] had the courage to get through things,
[01:22:36] through death, through illness, through all that.
[01:22:41] And then there's the courage.
[01:22:44] You summon up courage to do what you want to do
[01:22:47] to be successful.
[01:22:49] And part of that part of courage is ambition, I think.
[01:22:56] What surprised you most tonight?
[01:22:59] - I didn't realize you guys were all such assholes.
[01:23:06] I knew it was gonna be a fascinating
[01:23:08] conversation coming into it.
[01:23:10] - Yeah.
[01:23:10] - And yeah, lived up to all my expectations.
[01:23:14] - But I knew it would be great, like you said,
[01:23:15] but it's even greater than I thought it would be.
[01:23:18] - And the depth of it all.
[01:23:19] I mean, these questions are great.
[01:23:22] - A good idea.
[01:23:23] - Yeah, a really good idea.
[01:23:24] - Yeah, it was all my idea.
[01:23:29] Cheers.
[01:23:30] - Cheers everyone.
[01:23:30] - Cheers.
[01:23:31] - So nice to meet you all.
[01:23:33] - What a lovely dinner.
[01:23:35] - Really great.