# My biggest fear is dying after having done nothing with my life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3hGGtQ8CBA
Translation: zh-CN

[00:00] My biggest fear is dying after having done nothing with my life.
  我最大的恐惧是在碌碌无为中死去。

[00:05] That is my greatest fear.
  那是我最大的恐惧。

[00:07] It's not really dying alone.
  并不是真的孤独地死去。

[00:07] It's not, you know, death itself, but it's looking back and realizing I wasted all of my time.
  并不是，你知道，死亡本身，而是回首往事，意识到我浪费了所有时间。

[00:16] It's looking back and realizing I did nothing.
  是回首往事，意识到我一事无成。

[00:19] I didn't make an impact.
  我没有产生任何影响。

[00:19] I didn't have any relationships.
  我没有任何人际关系。

[00:21] I didn't have any experience.
  我没有任何经历。

[00:24] I just either laid back, I was too lazy, or I was just too fearful, or too hesitant, and I ended up doing nothing.
  我只是要么无所事事，要么太懒惰，要么就是太害怕，或者太犹豫，结果一事无成。

[00:32] That is my greatest fear.
  那是我最大的恐惧。

[00:35] And you know, people would say, you know, "Oh, you're young."
  而且你知道，人们会说，你知道，“哦，你还年轻。”

[00:38] That's right. I am young.
  没错。我还年轻。

[00:40] But the only thing that I that I don't like about that is I could die tomorrow.
  但唯一我不喜欢的是，我可能明天就会死。

[00:43] Who knows how long I'm going to live.
  谁知道我能活多久。

[00:46] I don't know.
  我不知道。

[00:48] I could live 100 years.
  我可能活一百年。

[00:48] I could live till 20.
  我也可能活到二十岁。

[00:53] And it's that uncertainty that makes me realize that I can't live passively, no matter my age.
  正是这种不确定性让我意识到，无论我多大年纪，我都不能消极地生活。

[00:57] It doesn't matter how young you
  无论你多年轻

[01:03] are.
  是。

[01:05] It's not like, you know, life is this thing that you can just, I don't know, expect that you're going to live 80 years or 70 years.
  不像，你知道，生活是你可以期望活到八十岁或七十岁的那种事。

[01:13] I mean, I guess the average is like 73 years or something, but I I don't have that certainty.
  我的意思是，我猜平均寿命是七十三岁左右，但我没有那种确定性。

[01:16] No one does, yet we live like we do, but we don't have that.
  没有人有，但我们却像拥有那样生活，但我们并没有。

[01:22] And I don't want to just assume, okay, maybe I got another 50 years, 60 years ahead of me.
  而且我不想只是假设，好吧，也许我还有五十年，六十年可以活。

[01:31] Now, uh these years I can just waste.
  现在，呃，这些年我可以白白浪费。

[01:33] No.
  不。

[01:34] Like, I want to do something, and I don't want to look back, even a couple years from now, I don't want to have to look back and realize I wasted that time.
  比如，我想做些什么，而且我不想回头看，即使是从现在起几年后，我也不想回头看并意识到我浪费了那段时间。

[01:43] That is just the thing that that I wrestle with most.
  这正是我最纠结的事情。

[01:47] Just realizing that, you know, I had so much I could have done.
  只是意识到，你知道，我有很多事情本可以做。

[01:53] Whether it be, you know, I had potential, or I had talent, or I had an ability, but I just squandered it.
  无论是我，你知道，我有潜力，或者我有天赋，或者我有能力，但我只是挥霍了它。

[02:00] And that is just it's heartbreaking.
  而这简直是令人心碎的。

[02:06] And you know, when you hear old people like like their regrets, like really it's just they regret not traveling more or experiencing or facing their fears.
  而且你知道，当你听到老年人说他们的遗憾时，比如他们真的遗憾没有多去旅行，或者没有去体验，或者没有面对他们的恐惧。

[02:13] And really that's all just sums up into like just doing and living.
  而这一切真的都归结为去做和去生活。

[02:18] I don't I don't want to have that.
  我不想那样。

[02:19] Obviously, there's regrets.
  显然，有遗憾。

[02:21] I mean, I already have regrets.
  我是说，我已经有遗憾了。

[02:23] But I think I'm young enough to to reconcile those regrets and to I don't know, not make up for them, but learn from them without having to bear too much consequence.
  但我想我还年轻，足以去化解那些遗憾，去，我不知道，不是弥补它们，而是从中学习，而不用承担太大的后果。

[02:34] And I think the younger that you can realize this and the younger you can actually start living with with this type of I guess agency I feel like you will look back and be at least a little bit more satisfied.
  而且我认为你越早意识到这一点，你越早开始带着这种，我猜是自主性去生活，我觉得你回首往事时会感到至少满意一点点。

[02:51] And life life is not like this thing of worrying about not having regrets.
  而生活，生活不是那种担心没有遗憾的事情。

[02:57] It's like you don't plan that.
  就像你不会计划那样。

[02:58] You don't plan to have regrets or you don't plan to not have regrets.
  你不会计划去拥有遗憾，也不会计划去没有遗憾。

[03:03] It's just like you experience.
  这就像是你去体验。

[03:05] But that's the thing.
  但这就是问题所在。

[03:07] I just want to experience.
  我只想去体验。

[03:09] And I don't want my regret to be having not experienced.
  我不想我的遗憾是没有去体验。

[03:11] I want if I do have regrets, I want the regrets to be from having experienced, having lived life.
  我希望如果我有遗憾，那也是因为我曾去体验、曾活过人生。

[03:20] And right now I'm at this point where I feel like I'm just I'm just wasting my days.
  而现在我正处于这样一个阶段，我觉得我只是在浪费我的日子。

[03:27] I feel like, you know, I'm 18, I'm young, I'm supposed to be out there living life.
  我觉得，你知道，我18岁，我还年轻，我应该出去体验生活。

[03:32] Like you see you see the movies and you see like people in high school or college, like those movies of young people.
  就像你看你看电影，你看到高中或大学里的人，就像那些关于年轻人的电影一样。

[03:38] And you think, man, they're they're doing all this stuff, they're all this fun stuff, they're living their life.
  然后你会想，天哪，他们在做所有这些事情，他们做所有这些有趣的事情，他们正在过着他们的生活。

[03:43] Or even social media.
  甚至社交媒体也是。

[03:45] And I just think, man, what what am I doing?
  而我只是在想，天哪，我在做什么？

[03:47] What am I doing with my life?
  我的人生在做什么？

[03:48] I'm just here sitting.
  我只是坐在这里。

[03:51] And I should be out there in the world experiencing, making relationships with people, having friends, you know, all that stuff, but I'm not.
  我应该在外面体验世界，与人建立关系，交朋友，你知道，所有那些事情，但我没有。

[04:01] And it makes me I don't know.
  这让我，我不知道。

[04:05] In some extent, sad.
  在某种程度上，很难过。

[04:08] Maybe even a bit jealous or envious of other people.
  也许甚至有点嫉妒或羡慕别人。

[04:15] And it's it's like I don't I don't want to feel that way.
  而且感觉就像我不想那样感觉。

[04:19] I don't think it's about forcing these things, but more so cuz everyone has everyone has a different path.
  我不认为这是关于强迫这些事情，而是因为每个人都有不同的道路。

[04:25] I'm not saying I want to just live a careless young life.
  我并不是说我想过一种无忧无虑的年轻生活。

[04:29] You know, although that sounds nice, I'm not saying that would necessarily work for me.
  你知道，虽然听起来不错，但我并不是说那对我来说一定会奏效。

[04:34] Because I guess just the way the way I think.
  因为我猜只是我思考的方式。

[04:37] But I want to at least be someone who who does something with their life.
  但我至少想成为一个能做点什么事的人。

[04:48] And right now it's it's pretty minimal.
  而现在它，它相当有限。

[04:54] And I feel like it's been minimal for the past almost 4 years.
  我觉得在过去的将近四年里，它一直很有限。

[04:59] Where, you know, I I went to school, came back home, you know, you eat dinner and then you you go to bed.
  在那里，你知道，我上学了，回家了，你知道，你吃完晚饭然后你就去睡觉了。

[05:04] You don't you don't really do anything.
  你没有，你没有真正做什么。

[05:05] You're not growing.
  你没有在成长。

[05:07] And I do think, ironically, I did grow in maturity the past 4 years, you know, just like me as a person.
  而且我确实认为，讽刺的是，在过去的四年里，我的确成熟了，你知道，就像我作为一个人的成长一样。

[05:15] But it wasn't really through action.
  但那并不是真正通过行动实现的。

[05:18] It was just through so much thinking.
  那只是通过大量的思考。

[05:21] And I'm done with thinking so much.
  我不想再想那么多了。

[05:24] I mean, I think it's a part of me and it's not ever really going to go away, but like I just want to get out there.
  我的意思是，我认为这是我的一部分，它永远不会真正消失，但就像我想走出去一样。

[05:31] I want to do something.
  我想做点什么。

[05:33] I'm young.
  我还年轻。

[05:35] I got to I got to be somewhere doing something I'm going to remember.
  我必须在某个地方做些我将要记住的事情。

[05:41] And I And life is not this thing.
  而且我，生活不是这样的。

[05:43] It's not this competition of who has the most experiences?
  它不是一场关于谁拥有最多经历的比赛？

[05:49] But cuz living life that way is not enjoyable.
  但是因为那样生活并不愉快。

[05:51] Like trying to maximize it like I don't think life is something that should be maximized and you should be always thinking about how can I live my life to the fullest in that sense,
  就像试图最大化它一样，我不认为生活应该被最大化，你应该一直思考如何才能充分享受生活，

[05:59] but more so just not feeling like you're restricting yourself.
  但更重要的是，不要觉得自己限制了自己。

[06:05] You don't have to be pushing it to the limit, but you just got to at least
  你不必把它推到极限，但你至少得

[06:11] at least want more and then not not prevent yourself from trying to get it.
  至少想要更多，然后不要阻止自己去争取。

[06:17] And that is where I'm at.
  这就是我的现状。

[06:21] So, yeah.
  所以，是的。

[06:24] I don't want to look back and realize I did nothing.
  我不想回顾过去，才发现自己一事无成。

[06:28] I don't want to be 50, 60 years old, 80 years old, whatever and be like, man, I had all that time and I just did nothing.
  我不想等到五六十岁，八十岁，不管多少岁，然后说，天哪，我曾有那么多时间，但我却什么都没做。

[06:36] Cuz what would old age do me good, genuinely?
  因为年老对我有什么好处呢，说真的？

[06:39] How would living long do me any good if I did nothing with my life?
  如果我碌碌无为地度过一生，长寿对我又有什么好处呢？

[06:44] I I don't see the point in living long, but living just a blank life.
  我看不出长寿有什么意义，如果只是过着空虚的生活。

[06:48] And for for me personally, that just doesn't doesn't sound fun.
  对我个人而言，这听起来一点也不有趣。

[06:54] Like okay, someone said, okay, you're going to live to 100 years old, but you're just going to just do nothing for the rest of your life.
  比如有人说，好吧，你将活到100岁，但你余生都将一事无成。

[06:59] You're not going to go anywhere. You're not going to see anyone. You're just going to live a long time, but do nothing.
  你哪里也不去，见不到任何人。你只会活得很长，但什么也不做。

[07:03] I'd say that's that's horrible. I don't want to do that.
  我会说那太可怕了。我不想那样。

[07:06] And they say, okay, you could die young, but you could fill multiple lifetimes of
  他们说，好吧，你可能会英年早逝，但你可以填满多重人生

[07:13] experience within those years.
  这些年来的经历。

[07:15] I'd say, sign me up.
  我会说，报名吧。

[07:17] And I'm not sure how many people would say that, but to me, life isn't just the years.
  而且我不确定有多少人会这么说，但对我来说，生活不仅仅是岁月。

[07:24] Isn't just a number.
  不仅仅是一个数字。

[07:25] It isn't just the time.
  不仅仅是时间。

[07:27] Time is just a number.
  时间只是一个数字。

[07:29] Time is just like this construct just to measure change, but real experience, life, this thing that you can just like know and and it's so so to describe, but there's so much.
  时间就像这个构造，只是用来衡量变化，但真实的经历，生活，你可以知道的这件事，很难形容，但有很多。

[07:43] And I don't want to put it into this box of just thinking, "Okay, you get this set of years, you get this set of years.
  我不想把它框定在这样的想法里，“好吧，你得到了这几年的时间，你得到了那几年的时间。

[07:51] Okay, well, maybe waste some of it, maybe spend some of it doing good stuff.
  好吧，嗯，也许挥霍掉一些，也许花一些时间做些好事。

[07:55] No, I just want to I want to live for all of it.
  不，我只想，我想活出这一切。

[08:00] And I don't know how long it will be, but I want to live for all of it and as much as I can and I'm so tired of just like staying here.
  我不知道它会持续多久，但我想活出这一切，尽我所能，我厌倦了就待在这里。

[08:13] I don't know.
  我不知道。

[08:13] I'm like I've I've lived in the same town my whole life.
  我好像，我我住在我家乡的同一个镇上，我的一生。

[08:17] And you know, it's a it's a nice place, nice nice people and everything.
  而且你知道，这是一个，这是一个好地方，好人等等。

[08:21] You know, it's provided me a good upbringing.
  你知道，它给了我一个良好的成长环境。

[08:24] But I want to explore.
  但我想要去探索。

[08:24] I want to get out there.
  我想走出去。

[08:29] I'm not I'm not like necessarily like a homebody in in the full sense.
  我不是，我不是那种顾名思义的居家型的人。

[08:32] Like I I do find comfort at home, but also something something inside me longs to explore.
  比如我，我在家里确实感到舒适，但内心深处也有一些东西渴望去探索。

[08:44] And I just need I need to fulfill that.
  我只是需要，我需要去实现它。

[08:47] And if I didn't if I never did that, that would be my biggest regret.
  如果我没有，如果我从来没有那样做，那将是我最大的遗憾。

[08:52] Just just not having the courage to do something that's greater than me.
  只是，只是没有勇气去做一些比我更伟大的事情。

[08:59] Not having the courage to just, you know, defy whatever anyone else is saying would be the right way, but just going with what, I don't know, my heart or my soul or just like, I don't know, that my purpose tells me because
  没有勇气去，你知道，去反抗别人说的正确的方式，而是去跟随，我不知道，我的心或我的灵魂，或者只是，我不知道，我的目标告诉我的，因为

[09:14] I can feel that I I have a lot to offer.
  我能感觉到我我有很多东西可以提供。

[09:18] I I feel like I do.
  我我感觉我做到了。

[09:20] And I just want to be able to do that.
  我想能够做到这一点。

[09:22] Or at least give it my best shot.
  或者至少尽力一试。

[09:25] Because ultimately, even if I even if I failed at everything, at least I like knew that like I didn't waste my life because failure failure is one thing.
  因为最终，即使我即使我所有事情都失败了，至少我知道我没有浪费我的生命，因为失败是一回事。

[09:35] It's a whole different thing than doing nothing.
  这和什么都不做是完全不同的。

[09:37] Because I could fail and I'd be okay with it as long as I realize I just didn't waste my time.
  因为我可能会失败，我会接受的，只要我意识到我没有浪费我的时间。

[09:46] That's the main thing.
  这是最重要的事情。

[09:49] So, maybe take this as my declaration or something that I won't waste my life.
  所以，也许把这当作我的宣言或者我不会浪费我生命的某种声明。

[09:55] That I won't die having done nothing.
  我不会死得一事无成。

[09:59] And hopefully I won't have any regrets either.
  而且希望我也不会有任何遗憾。

[10:04] But no guarantees.
  但没有保证。

[10:06] We'll see.
  我们拭目以待。