# How to Force Yourself To Achieve Your Goals (when you don’t feel like it)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2hLwfV1zxk

[00:00] I have this four-step method that I use
[00:02] to force myself to be productive and get stuff done, especially on the days where
[00:07] I feel tired or lazy or even burnt out.
[00:10] Over the past 11 years, I have
[00:13] been working 60 to 100 hours a week,
[00:15] studying full-time, graduating medicine,
[00:18] starting my own business, working as a
[00:19] learning coach while working as a
[00:21] doctor.
[00:21] And most people think that I'm a
[00:23] highly motivated person, but I actually
[00:25] think that I'm quite lazy and I've been
[00:28] demotivated and burnt out, honestly more
[00:31] times than I can remember.
[00:31] But by using this four-step method, I've been able to
[00:34] stay productive and work towards my goal
[00:37] in a way that is actually sustainable
[00:40] and mentally healthy.
[00:40] I call this four-step method diffuse,
[00:44] because by following each of these four
[00:46] steps, you're able to activate something
[00:48] called thought-action
[00:49] diffusion, which is a cognitive
[00:51] technique commonly used in clinical
[00:53] psychology.
[00:53] Being able to activate
[00:54] thought-action diffusion is almost like
[00:57] a superpower and virtually anyone can
[00:59] learn to do it.
[00:59] I'll go over each of the
[01:01] four steps of diffuse in more detail,
[01:03] but before that, we need to understand
[01:05] that there are actually two
[01:07] different ways that we can use motivation.
[01:09] One of them is healthy and productive, but the other, much more common way, can actually ruin our productivity and lead to burnout.
[01:18] And once we understand the right versus wrong way of using motivation, you'll see why the diffuse method works so well.
[01:23] So, let's say that we have a goal for the day.
[01:25] And that goal might be to go for a run, it might be to do some study or whatever other task that you have on your mind.
[01:34] Naturally, in order for us to accomplish this goal, we first need to want to accomplish it, and that's where we have intention.
[01:40] And after that, we take a series of actions to help us reach that goal.
[01:45] Now, if our goal was to uh go for a run, it might be putting on our shoes.
[01:48] If it was to study, it might be going to our desk, opening up our laptop, getting our textbook out, starting to read and write some notes.
[01:56] These are the actions that help us achieve the goal.
[01:58] But in reality, what actually happens when we
[02:02] try to reach the goal?
[02:05] What happens is that we get distracted.
[02:07] We procrastinate.
[02:09] We tend to overthink things.
[02:09] We get paralyzed.
[02:11] Or maybe we start feeling lazy or tired.
[02:14] So, between the intention and our first few actions, all of these barriers start forming that stop us from achieving our goal, which means no running, no studying, task incomplete.
[02:25] And that is where motivation comes in.
[02:27] Motivation gives us that extra energy, the extra incentive to overcome these barriers, to peel our eyes away from those distractions, to uh persevere and push through even though we feel lazy or that we feel tired.
[02:40] At the end of the day, motivation is this feeling that allows us to push through and overcome these barriers.
[02:48] This is the first and most common way that people use motivation, and that is a major problem.
[02:55] Because this way of using motivation is something that I call motivation-dependent.
[03:02] And before I go through the diffuse method, you
[03:03] have to understand why this is such a problem,
[03:06] because I genuinely believe that if you are motivation-dependent,
[03:10] you will struggle to get stuff done for most of your life.
[03:13] Because here's the fundamental flaw with motivation that you need to know.
[03:17] There's a lot of research around motivation, what it is, where it comes from, what influences it.
[03:24] If you want me to go deeper in this, let me know in the comments.
[03:27] But what we know is that motivation originates from many different sources.
[03:31] We can be extrinsically motivated by things like money, a reward, our social status, or even fear of punishment.
[03:39] But we can also be intrinsically motivated, which is where the motivation comes from within our own mind.
[03:43] This includes things like a sense of satisfaction from fulfilling something or overcoming a challenge or a sense of purpose and fulfillment from doing something that feels aligned to your values and sense of identity.
[03:57] And it includes also just simply enjoying the task itself.
[03:59] And here is where being
[04:05] motivation-dependent becomes problematic
[04:08] and therefore why the diffuse method is so much better.
[04:12] Extrinsic motivators tend to be more out of our control and they go up and down, they fluctuate.
[04:16] For example, what happens if we get paid less or more or we're around different people who value different things and so they judge you differently.
[04:25] When we are motivated by those extrinsic things, then our motivation fluctuates wildly.
[04:30] It feels unstable and insecure because they depend on things that we can't control.
[04:37] On the other hand, intrinsic motivators tend to be more stable.
[04:39] For example, our values or the things that we enjoy don't tend to fluctuate so rapidly.
[04:45] But even intrinsic motivators can fluctuate.
[04:48] For example, how much sleep we get and how energized we feel, our mood on that day, or our physical health.
[04:57] All of these things affect our level of motivation on any given day.
[05:00] So, why is that actually a problem?
[05:03] Well, what all of that means
[05:05] is that our motivation is always going to go up and down.
[05:08] It's always going to fluctuate.
[05:11] And if your ability to get stuff done depends on your motivation, then your ability to be productive is also going to fluctuate.
[05:18] And if what you do depends on how you feel, then the only way to be consistent is to feel consistently great.
[05:27] That is not a realistic or a reliable way to reach our goal.
[05:30] In fact, there's even some research around something called willpower depletion, which says that if we consistently rely on our motivation and willpower to get stuff done and resist temptations, then eventually we'll sort of run out of willpower.
[05:48] And some researchers think that this is actually what burnout is.
[05:50] They call it the burnout cycle where you constantly try to do something and then you have to have more and more effort and willpower to get it done and then you're constantly overcoming barriers until there's no more motivation or energy left to give.
[06:03] So, that's motivation-dependent.
[06:05] So, what is the alternative way of using
[06:07] Motivation?
[06:09] The alternative, much healthier and more consistent way of using motivation, is something that I call motivation-enhanced.
[06:14] And becoming motivation-enhanced, rather than motivation-dependent, is what the entire diffuse method is based on.
[06:21] Being motivation-enhanced means that you can be motivated, but you don't need to be.
[06:26] Personally, I don't feel motivated most days.
[06:29] I don't feel demotivated, but I just don't live every day like full of hype.
[06:35] I keep that motivation in reserve on the days that I really need to use it.
[06:40] Motivation is used strategically when I really need it, instead of just using it to get through my daily tasks.
[06:47] So, if I'm not using motivation to get me through day-to-day, then how am I overcoming those barriers of laziness or being distracted or feeling tired on a daily basis?
[06:58] We do it by following the four steps of the diffuse method.
[07:01] The first step of diffuse, the D, is for distinguish.
[07:06] Distinguish means to recognize the difference.
[07:09] between feelings, thoughts, and action.
[07:12] For example, think about when you feel hungry.
[07:13] Hunger is a physical sensation, it's a feeling.
[07:16] And when we feel hungry, we have the thought, I must eat.
[07:23] And then we perform the action of eating.
[07:24] [music] And normally, all three of these are actually fused together, but they don't have to be.
[07:29] We could feel hungry as, okay, I just feel this sensation in my stomach that tells me that I am hungry.
[07:38] We just notice it.
[07:40] We don't have to act on it, we just notice it, just like how we might notice that there's a breeze touching our arm.
[07:46] And by doing that, we can see hunger as a physical sensation that isn't always connected to the thought, I must eat.
[07:54] And that actually makes the feeling of hunger not bother us as much, because we no longer have to do something about it.
[08:01] This is actually a strategy I used to use all the time as a doctor where I'd often not have enough time to have lunch or dinner, but I still needed to work effectively.
[08:08] Now, of course, this is
[08:10] temporary, you will eventually have to eat.
[08:12] You can't just thought-action diffuse your way to immortality.
[08:16] Now, in clinical psychology, when what we do, our actions, are directly tied to our feelings and our thoughts, that's called thought-action fusion.
[08:25] And so, being able to separate that is thought-action diffusion.
[08:26] This actually comes up a lot in anxiety therapy.
[08:28] The feelings of anxiety are a physical sensation.
[08:33] Our hands are getting clammy, they're shaking a bit, we feel that our heart racing.
[08:37] We're actually feeling these physical symptoms of an adrenaline response, our body entering the fight or flight mode.
[08:42] And it's actually the exact same response as if you were really excited about something.
[08:48] The physical sensations aren't inherently negative, but if you have anxiety, you notice these symptoms and then you tell yourself, I am anxious.
[08:57] And we enter an anxious spiral where realizing that we are feeling these things and therefore we are anxious makes us feel even more anxious.
[09:05] So, step one of diffuse is to distinguish between a feeling
[09:10] and a thought, to recognize that we can feel something, but we can control the way we respond and react to that feeling.
[09:18] I actually used this method before my TEDx Talk a couple of years ago where I was feeling really nervous beforehand.
[09:23] I felt those physical sensations and my brain was saying, "Hey, you're getting anxious."
[09:29] And instead of letting myself think, "I feel this and therefore I'm anxious,"
[09:32] I reframed it to be, "Hey, I'm getting this adrenaline response.
[09:35] I'm excited.
[09:37] I'm about to crush this thing.
[09:39] And by reframing that physical feeling and changing the thought I had from it, it actually helped me to be a lot more confident.
[09:46] And that TEDx Talk ended up becoming one of the top 1% most viewed TEDx Talks of 2022.
[09:54] By the way, I've summarized the main points from that TEDx Talk into my free weekly newsletter as well, where I try to impart the advice that will improve your learning efficiency every week through your inbox.
[10:05] It's completely free, and if you're interested in joining, I'll leave a link in the description for you.
[10:09] So, next
[10:11] time you feel tired or lazy, recognize that it's just a feeling.
[10:16] You feel tired? Cool.
[10:16] Feeling lazy? That's fine.
[10:18] But, we distinguish between that feeling and then what comes after that, which is the thought, which we can control.
[10:24] [music] And controlling those thoughts is step two of diffuse.
[10:29] The F, which stands for fake.
[10:32] You've heard of fake it till you make it.
[10:34] Well, it's kind of the same for this as well.
[10:36] Think about this.
[10:36] When you watch [music] a movie and you see an actor or an actress, you know that they're not actually that character.
[10:41] You know that they are acting.
[10:43] And if an actor arrives on set feeling tired or lazy, guess what?
[10:48] They [music] still act like their character who is not tired or lazy.
[10:53] So, instead of "I feel lazy and tired, therefore I must rest" and then not do anything, we can use fake to say, "I feel lazy and tired, I'm just going to pretend like someone who's not lazy and tired."
[11:10] Which [music] means this feeling
[11:12] doesn't lead to the thought of I must rest.
[11:14] We don't have to change how we feel.
[11:17] We can keep feeling lazy or tired.
[11:19] But, by pretending and faking it, pretending and doing the actions of someone who doesn't feel that way, we're able to keep doing the actions that we need to do.
[11:29] My old powerlifting coach put it the best when one day I asked him, "Hey, I'm feeling really tired today. I don't think I'll be able to train very well. How do you stop feeling tired?"
[11:41] And he replied back, "Just train tired."
[11:41] What a man.
[11:43] And the ridiculously powerful part of this relationship between feelings and thoughts and actions is that it goes both ways.
[11:51] When we do the actions of someone who isn't lazy or tired, even if it's just pretending and faking it, then our mind observes the fact that we're taking these actions and starts thinking, "Hey, maybe I'm not so lazy."
[12:05] Maybe I'm kind of productive.
[12:07] And that actually makes us feel less lazy and tired in the first place.
[12:12] Doing that, we have actually made ourselves more motivated.
[12:16] So, feelings don't just lead to thoughts which lead to actions, it goes the other way.
[12:20] Actions can lead to thoughts which lead to feelings.
[12:23] So, by doing step one and step two of diffuse and unlocking thought-action diffusion, we're able to act without feeling the need to act.
[12:33] We're no longer a slave to motivation, and that is a huge win.
[12:38] But, once we get to this point, we'll realize that we can only maintain this diffused state for a short period of time.
[12:44] And so, now we want to maintain this diffusion for a longer time period.
[12:50] If we don't maintain it, we just end up being dependent on our feelings again, which brings us all the way back to motivation dependent.
[12:55] And that's why we have step three of diffuse, the U, which stands for uptime.
[12:59] We want to gradually increase the amount of time we're able to activate that thought-action diffusion state and do those actions even if we don't feel like it.
[13:10] At first, we might only be able to get through 10 minutes of
[13:13] Studying. Great, that's fine.
[13:15] Tomorrow, we try 12 minutes and then 14 and 20 and then 30.
[13:19] Gradually increase the uptime that we can maintain thought-action diffusion.
[13:23] And as we continue to expose our brain to this pattern of thinking and acting, thanks to this cognitive phenomenon called neuroplasticity, our brain will mold and adapt and eventually just get better and better at activating thought-action diffusion.
[13:38] Now, some people when I teach this to them, they say that it seems like we're kind of training ourselves to become mindless robots.
[13:45] It doesn't really feel natural or right.
[13:47] But, it's important to remember that a lot of our modern-day challenges and goals and pressures are not natural to begin with.
[13:55] Back when we were living in caves and foraging for food, we didn't come back to our campfire every night to sit an exam on the herbs that we foraged.
[14:06] And caveperson society probably didn't care which cave university you went to.
[14:11] Most of our modern-day goals and pressures are
[14:14] modern-day creations.
[14:17] And to meet these artificial demands while staying healthy, we need to use these deliberate frameworks [music] and techniques to help overcome them.
[14:26] Using strategies like diffuse is what gives us the freedom to live our lives in alignment [music] to how we want to live and spend our time.
[14:34] Having said that, just because we are constantly exposed to and surrounded by these artificial distractions, [music] doesn't mean we just have to sit there and struggle through them.
[14:43] After all, if there were just literally fewer barriers in place, then it would be easier to achieve our goal.
[14:51] Which is why step four, the Z in diffuse, is so important, which stands for zone.
[14:57] To maintain consistency and reduce our need for motivation, we have to create a zone of focus free from distraction and procrastination [music] triggers.
[15:05] A great technique I teach in my program for this is the distraction cheat sheet.
[15:09] Do some work or study, [music] and anytime you get distracted, write down on a piece of paper what it
[15:15] was you got distracted by.
[15:16] Try to be specific.
[15:19] It could be the icon of an app that you saw on your desktop or on your phone.
[15:22] Maybe it was a notification that you got, or you saw a game controller sitting on the table.
[15:27] Then, when you're feeling a little less lazy, pack your game controller away, remove apps from your home screen, or deactivate accounts, use app blockers like Focused Work, and create a focused workspace with all of your study or work materials laid out there, just ready for you to sit down and start.
[15:46] Over time, your zone of focus becomes an area that distractions cannot touch.
[15:51] And by this point, you've completed all four steps of diffuse.
[15:54] You are motivation enhanced.
[15:56] You're free from the shackles of motivation dependent.
[15:59] You're never going to look for another motivational video ever again.
[16:02] Now, it's not a magic pill.
[16:04] It does take time to practice this and get better at it, but it is a proven strategy that pretty much anyone can do.
[16:08] Now, if you found this video helpful, you'll also find my weekly Learning Drops newsletter helpful.
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[16:21] Basically, the most important points and concepts from my 11 years of coaching people to learn more efficiently.
[16:28] I pack as much value into these emails as possible.
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[16:33] But, thank you so much for watching, and I'll see you next time.