# Apparently I faked the whole thing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlogiF2lL1M

[00:07] I just came.
[00:10] Well, I'm just going to tell you a little bit about my day really quickly.
[00:12] Uh, how are you?
[00:15] Let me drop it in the comments.
[00:16] Are you miserable?
[00:19] Are you in ecstasy? What's going on?
[00:21] Scale 1 to 10, what's your mood and why?
[00:25] Uh, I would say my mood's pretty good.
[00:28] It's pretty level.
[00:30] Maybe like a six or a seven.
[00:32] I feel slightly stressed, but good.
[00:35] I'm like in the action.
[00:37] So, um, every I'm filming this on a Friday, and every Friday morning for years, I've been going to my support group that I always tell you guys about of it's a women's support group.
[00:39] Average age is like 65 to 85, but there are some 20 and 30omes there, too, and 40omes.
[00:42] But these women are amazing.
[00:45] Um today this great woman shared and then the topic was how do you combat negative thoughts?
[00:52] What do you do when you have a negative thought?
[00:56] How do you get out of it?
[01:07] And I loved that question.
[01:10] And I was thinking about it and what came to me right away was service like right away.
[01:14] So my friend Vanessa says that people identify themselves in one of three ways.
[01:22] Hero, which is I've been through a lot of hard times.
[01:25] I had a very difficult life challenging things whether it's health or family or poverty or whatever it is and I overcame I overcame those obstacles and hardships and my life is peaceful or wonderful or whatever hero.
[01:42] Then you have the helper.
[01:45] Helpers are often people in service positions like nurses or teachers.
[01:49] They make amazing partners or friends, but sometimes to a fault because they're always give, give, give, give, giving.
[01:58] But they add a lot to the world.
[02:01] They're of service.
[02:03] They're givers.
[02:03] And then you have your third, which is victim.
[02:06] Victim is the same part of hero, the same first part.
[02:09] of hero where you have a really difficult life.
[02:11] Nothing's going your way.
[02:13] You've been met with a lot of challenges through your life, but you're still there.
[02:17] And you have this feeling like nothing goes right for me.
[02:18] My life is hard.
[02:21] Um, victim.
[02:24] So, you define yourself in one of three ways.
[02:26] How do you define yourself?
[02:29] Hero, helper, or victim?
[02:33] I definitely identify with the hero because I was a, you know, broke, depressed, anxious drug addict.
[02:48] Um totally unhinged in my you know late teens and early very very early 20s and then I um hit bottom and I found my way into sobriety and I part of uh the 12step program that I'm in uh is like a design for living and you it you just
[03:11] learn how to live and cope with the challenges of life in a healthy way and It's truly progress, not perfection.
[03:20] Like if I don't take little do little maintenance steps, like I revert back to crazy girl, right?
[03:27] But but I identify with that that like I overcame challenges.
[03:30] And you can also they're fluid how you define yourself.
[03:34] Like you could be a hero one year and then a victim the next and then a helper later on in life.
[03:42] Who knows?
[03:44] But I thought that was interesting.
[03:46] Anyway, so at this meeting we the topic was yeah, how do you combat negative thoughts and the first thing that came to my mind was uh service.
[03:56] And a lot of people said gratitude in the room and I think that that is so valid and important to just and I I always say even to you guys like what are five things you're grateful for cuz you can't be pissed off and grateful at
[04:11] the same time and I believe that and I am always making mental gratitude lists.
[04:17] uh every day.
[04:19] I actually thought it was really funny.
[04:21] I was in the shower and I just thought it would be really funny to make a kind of a gross gratitude list.
[04:25] Like I'm so grateful for my urine um because my bladder works um works properly.
[04:34] And I'm so grateful for the smell of my urine after I eat asparagus because I know I ate something healthy and that's proof.
[04:46] I don't know, just gross things to be grateful for.
[04:50] That was funny to me.
[04:53] Anyway, so uh yeah, but uh so that was a topic and I thought service because you know I know for me and the reason I trailed off into the different ways you people define themselves is because helpers I think are naturally almost to a fault too selfless.
[05:07] I find that like the untreated addict certain personalities are more
[05:14] naturally selfish, self-seeking, and you have to consciously make an effort to be selfless and to be of service.
[05:22] And then you you develop new habits and then it's just in you.
[05:23] So, I was one of those where I had to learn how to be um it didn't come supernaturally to me to be of service, you know?
[05:33] It was like ingrained into me.
[05:36] Like my mom, she would force me out of bed when I was, you know, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16.
[05:40] Let's go, Laura.
[05:44] At 4:00 in the morning, force me out of bed, get your shoes on.
[05:46] We're feeding the homeless.
[05:47] And we'd have to go every month.
[05:49] And you know, when I was there, it it did feel good.
[05:53] It was really hard to like get up out of bed at 4:00 a.m.
[05:55] And uh but she my mom is more just like it's just in her, whereas like she had to teach me that um skill.
[06:06] And so whenever I'm feeling like depressed or anxious or um it is because I've noticed for me it's because I'm in self.
[06:16] I'm thinking about do me.
[06:21] That's it.
[06:24] And so when I'm in selfish self-seeking mode,
[06:26] what can I get?
[06:28] Why is this happening to me?
[06:28] My life is so hard.
[06:28] I'm miserable.
[06:31] It's a horrible place to be.
[06:34] It doesn't feel good.
[06:38] And um when I shift my perception to like what can I give
[06:40] rather than what can I get man it just everything
[06:44] feels better um I feel more useful I'm
[06:47] out of self you know even if it's just
[06:50] like
[06:52] calling a friend and how are you like
[06:54] not how am I how are you calling my mom
[06:57] how are you you know being of service
[07:00] whether it's to your my kids to my
[07:03] friends through in my work.
[07:06] Whenever I feel
[07:07] depressed around my work or anxious
[07:10] around my work, oh my god, this video
[07:12] didn't do what I thought it was going to
[07:14] do and um I didn't make as much as I
[07:16] thought I was going to make or people didn't laugh as much as I thought they were going to laugh or you know that's again that's selfish self-seeking.
[07:25] you know if I shift it to what can I give well this person you know I did help people or I did entertain them for 30 seconds or whatever.
[07:36] When I shift my mindset to a service mindset, what can I give?
[07:39] How can I help?
[07:42] Everything opens up.
[07:45] And so I have to still after all these years be reminded of that.
[07:47] I forget.
[07:49] I still forget.
[07:53] I get caught up in the, you know, me me.
[07:55] And it's it's a nasty place to be.
[07:59] I don't like it to the point where th this episode is I was like not giving my awesome teammate a hard time, but I was like, I don't want to do this.
[08:06] I want to interview other people.
[08:08] And I'm grateful for that, but I don't want to talk about myself.
[08:12] He's like, well, we need an episode.
[08:14] It's like, okay.
[08:19] want to talk to other people.
[08:24] and learn about other people's stories
[08:26] and learn from them and grow from them
[08:28] and give them an audience.
[08:31] That's what I want to do and I'm excited because I am doing that.
[08:35] So, if you if you've joined my Patreon, you can submit to be a guest on my podcast and um there's already been like over a thousand submissions
[08:46] and we're reading every single one and um we already picked our first guest and she's I'm going to meet her on Monday and interview her and I'm so excited.
[08:58] But yeah, if you want to come hang out with me, tell me your story or a part of your story.
[09:03] Um, or you have, you know, a philanthropic cause that you want to get out there or a business that you want eyes on or just a crazy hilarious story or a compelling, heartbreaking one that
[09:19] you want to spread awareness around.
[09:21] just whatever it is you just want to talk about your boobs for 30 minutes,
[09:25] just hit me up and we can talk about your um and all you got to do is join my Patreon.
[09:33] patreon.com/loruracclary
[09:36] patreon.com/lorurclary
[09:39] and you can submit to be on my podcast um as well as other fun things when you join.
[09:46] Yeah.
[09:46] So, uh okay.
[09:46] Okay, so I did my women's recovery meeting and that was amazing.
[09:49] Although Sharon, shout out to you if you're watching, was like, "You don't need that nose ring. Take it out."
[09:58] And I was like, "What do you mean?"
[10:00] She's like, "It's distracting. It's the first thing I notice. Like, you don't need that.
[10:06] It's just screaming like, "Give me attention."
[10:11] And I was like, "Okay, I think it looks cute."
[10:14] Like, I just put a r like a gold ring in my nose.
[10:16] It was a stud before and then I just put a little ring.
[10:20] think it's a cute little b a little bop bop.
[10:24] She's like, "You don't need that. Get it off your face."
[10:29] I don't know. Could be a boomer thing.
[10:31] It really offended her, but I love her.
[10:34] Anyway, so after that, you guys, I went.
[10:38] Well, before that, I dropped the kids at school, and that was great.
[10:40] It was like one of those mornings, you know, the good mornings where we just all woke up at 7:00.
[10:47] There was no like, "Come on, get up over and over or the other horrible ones where they wake up at like 4:00 or 5," which rarely happens.
[10:53] Knock on wood.
[10:55] This was perfect.
[10:57] We all woke up at 7.
[11:00] Everyone got dressed right away, brushed their teeth, ate their breakfast, they like got in the car willingly.
[11:06] It was just very smooth.
[11:09] When we got when we when I parked the car and we walked out, Alfie held Puppy's hand and they walked safely across the street and down the street to get to the school.
[11:21] So very smooth all around 10 out of 10.
[11:25] Then I go to this amazing support women's group that I go to every Friday for years.
[11:30] I got to share about how I combat my negative thoughts, which was by being of service in whatever way I can.
[11:42] And then I went to my very first personal training session ever.
[11:44] So, of course, I'm taking it very easy because of my lower back, which is healing beautifully.
[11:54] It's just I can't do certain things.
[11:57] Of course, it's painful and but I'm still able to do other things.
[12:04] And this personal trainer reached out to me and was like, "Hey, like I think this fridge was a sign like you need strength training.
[12:10] Like you need to get strong."
[12:12] And I'm like, I do cuz we lose muscle as we age.
[12:18] And I'm naturally just so lanky.
[12:20] I mean, half the internet tells me I have Ellers's
[12:23] Danlo syndrome or whatever that is.
[12:25] Do you guys have Ellers's Danlo syndrome?
[12:28] whatever people are saying it and um so
[12:31] whatever I don't have a lot of muscle
[12:33] even though I'm a yogi for 20 years so I
[12:35] did my first session very gentle
[12:37] obviously and he also like did all these
[12:39] tests on me it was a lot of like just
[12:41] background asking me about like my
[12:43] dayto-day my sleep habits my diet my um
[12:47] stress levels um and then he like
[12:51] measured how what my body is made of
[12:55] what percentage water, fat, bone,
[12:59] muscle.
[13:00] And I'm like, "Well, what is it?"
[13:02] Like, he measured it all with this machine and
[13:05] then I did like all these like strength
[13:07] tests and stuff or I had to squeeze
[13:09] stuff and freaking pull-ups and all
[13:13] sorts of stuff.
[13:16] And um I'd never done that before.
[13:18] It's crazy.
[13:18] But it was very thorough.
[13:20] And he's going to send me all the results and we're going to do like
[13:23] five sessions and and go from there.
[13:27] But yeah, I mean I'm I'm not excited to do squats while holding heavy things.
[13:32] Like that doesn't sound fun to me.
[13:35] But I do need to get strong, you know, especially being a um you know u.
[13:42] I was going to say single mom, but like people get really mad because their dad is um in their life.
[13:46] But what would I call it then?
[13:51] What would I call if I'm the only adult in the house with two kids and I'm not married?
[13:56] What do you call that?
[13:59] Cuz I can't say single mom because they have a dad.
[14:01] I have them six nights a week, but he has them one night a week.
[14:10] Please let me know the non-offensive term for that.
[14:12] Um, everyone's getting offended by everything today.
[14:15] But yeah, so that was.
[14:17] And also like I get like not having
[14:25] although he wasn't involved for a period of time at all but now he he is more so.
[14:31] like I understand.
[14:35] you know that could I don't know dude I can't I can't.
[14:37] Okay, so also that's really good and I'm going to keep doing that and then um dude and then I should not be looking at the um controversy or whatever the around this fridge, but I keep like I'll be like on Tik Tok just scrolling and then it pops up.
[14:57] Like these crazy conspiracies pop up on my Tik Tok of people basically saying that I made it up that a fridge never fell on me.
[15:06] Um, it's just insane.
[15:13] Like there's several videos on Tik Tok of people adamant and like this one guy has made like 50 videos just like you're telling me that.
[15:28] The fridge where are the pictures?
[15:34] Well, first of all, fridge falls on me.
[15:34] I call 911.
[15:37] Firefighters break through the door.
[15:38] They pushed the fridge back in.
[15:41] So it was back in.
[15:45] Like nobody was taking pictures when it was on me, you know?
[15:48] It's just so funny.
[15:51] And like it is kind of amusing to watch.
[15:54] Like these some some women are just so sure that this is like a big conspiracy and that I planned this fridge because my book is coming out, which by the way, it's been available for pre-order since January.
[16:07] and I've been writing it for the last nearly four years.
[16:09] So h how the but okay.
[16:14] So they're convinced that either I pulled the fridge on myself or it just never happened and I just lied.
[16:21] Oh, and that the firefighters are paid actors.
[16:24] Yeah, I see that firefighters
[16:29] are paid actors or AI and yeah, that this is completely fabricated because I have a book coming out.
[16:39] There's a lot of conspiracies happening.
[16:43] Yeah.
[16:43] Oh, why didn't you take pictures?
[16:46] Because they pushed it back into place like and then I went straight to the ER.
[16:50] But whatever.
[16:50] I get it.
[16:50] I mean, part of me understands like I posted about it, so people are open to their own interpretation, but I had no idea that people would be thinking that I like made it up.
[17:02] Like, if I was going to make up an injury or like a traumatic event, I make them up a much cooler one.
[17:09] This that one's not even cool.
[17:12] It's like very lame that a massive fridge fell on me.
[17:18] Thanks to By Optimizers for sponsoring this episode.
[17:18] I used to think the 3:00 a.m. brain spiral was just a personality trait.
[17:24] Like, this is just how Laura's brain works.
[17:27] It saves all its big thoughts for 3 in the morning.
[17:31] is simply who she is.
[17:34] Waking up heartpounding immediately replaying something I said in 2014, unable to get back to sleep for 2 hours.
[17:41] That was just Tuesday.
[17:44] and the brain fog during the day, losing train of thought mid-sentence, walking into a room and having absolutely no memory of why.
[17:51] I thought I was just tired.
[17:54] I thought I needed to try harder.
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[19:58] But I do want to get the firefighters to come in and interview them.
[20:01] I think that would be really cool.
[20:02] And I want to hear their other stories, too.
[20:05] And I also want to hear if this has ever happened to them before.
[20:07] Okay, so that's that.
[20:08] Um, I'm going to try to stay out of the drama.
[20:10] like I find myself wanting to like respond and be like, "Hey, you know, um you're so outraged about this."
[20:13] Or they're like so outraged that I um told my ex to come by while I went
[20:37] to the hospital. Well, do you have an
[20:39] autistic child? Do you know how hard it
[20:41] is to have an adult over that actually
[20:44] knows them and that he trusts and you
[20:47] know that's their dad? And it's like,
[20:50] you know, at night and he lives a mile
[20:52] down the road. Like, of course I'm going
[20:53] to call their dad because he's sober and
[20:56] safe now. And so
[20:59] I'm going to call him. Like, how are
[21:02] you? You're outraged by that because
[21:05] of our past, but it's like he is their
[21:07] father and I was I needed help. Like
[21:11] anyway, so I'm tempted to like respond,
[21:16] but then
[21:18] I find that
[21:20] it just fuels the fire. You know, the
[21:23] other thing that some people were upset
[21:26] about was like the payw wall thing,
[21:28] which
[21:30] Okay, so I wrote I have someone that
[21:34] manages my Patreon and I send her weekly
[21:38] newsletters that I write and normally
[21:41] they are free and I didn't know that on
[21:44] this newsletter she made it so halfway
[21:47] through when you read the article then
[21:49] halfway through then you have to go to
[21:51] be a paid member.
[21:53] And I probably wouldn't have approved
[21:55] that because I can see why that upset
[21:58] people cuz it's like I want to know if
[22:00] you're okay or not and then now you're
[22:01] making me pay to to read the rest of
[22:03] like what happened and that doesn't feel
[22:06] fair. and we talked about it and she was
[22:08] like, "Oh, yeah. I totally see that."
[22:10] And like,
[22:12] you know, again, ultimately I should be
[22:14] like approving everything. But, you
[22:16] know, you you start you work with people
[22:18] and then you just like give them the
[22:20] green light to just no, do the thing.
[22:21] You know what you're doing. We all know
[22:23] what you're doing. You can't oversee and
[22:25] approve every little thing. And so, that
[22:27] thing like yeah, it just I didn't I
[22:31] wasn't aware of it. And then so when
[22:32] people are like, "What the hell?" I was
[22:34] like, "What do you mean my newsletters
[22:36] are free?" And then I was like, "Oh,
[22:39] um, that did happen, but then we've
[22:40] since like made it free." And like, I
[22:42] understand, you know, um, that makes
[22:45] sense. Like when it's like a health
[22:47] update, like it feels weird. I remember
[22:50] when I posted my birth vlog, this um guy
[22:53] who like used to run Paramount Pictures
[22:55] or whatever, he was like, "You should um
[22:57] charge uh you should make people pay to
[22:59] watch your birth vlog." And I remember
[23:01] just immed like no cuz like I just knew
[23:05] like even though I could have like it's
[23:06] a very vulnerable crazy thing that I
[23:09] decided to vlog and like I probably
[23:11] could have done that but I didn't it
[23:13] felt weird you know the whole idea that
[23:16] that I made the entire thing up and that
[23:18] it's AI or the firefighters are actors
[23:20] is like so bizarre to me and like the
[23:23] the fact that people like genuinely
[23:25] believe it. Oh, here's the other thing
[23:26] that I forgot earlier. They're saying
[23:28] that I reached out or like my team
[23:31] reached out to all these news outlets
[23:33] and that's why I was in all these news
[23:35] outlets. Well, that's not true. Um, I
[23:38] believe what happened was nobody I know
[23:41] reached out to any of these TMZ or any
[23:44] of these places. I believe that they
[23:48] saw, you know, the video getting 20, 30
[23:52] million views of of me on the stretch or
[23:54] whatever and they went with it. a fridge
[23:57] fell on her. That's like in it's a freak
[23:59] accident. It's a good headline because
[24:01] it's funny and stupid and like what
[24:04] happened? It's a freak accident. And so
[24:07] I think that's why they picked it up and
[24:08] I think one picked it up and then the
[24:10] other ones piggybacked and went, "Oh,
[24:12] okay. Well, here's another story we
[24:13] could easily put on and she already
[24:15] wrote about it on her Patreon. So we we
[24:17] don't even need to interview her because
[24:19] she already told the story." Um, so
[24:22] that's what I think happened. But it's
[24:25] funny because even in my recovery
[24:26] meeting, um, this woman was, they were
[24:28] like, "Oh my god, Laura, are you okay?"
[24:30] And I was like, "Yeah, I'm totally fine.
[24:31] Like, I have lower back pain, but
[24:33] nothing broke. Like, God willing." It's
[24:35] I'm It's amazing. It's like amazing that
[24:38] I was not more injured. And that I was
[24:41] rescued within 20. I was only under
[24:43] there for 20 minutes, which sounds like
[24:44] a long time, and it is a long time, but
[24:46] it could have been could have been a day
[24:48] and a half, you know? I mean, so
[24:52] everything worked out. And she was like,
[24:54] "Oh, but you uh" and someone was like,
[24:56] "Oh my god, I saw it in the Guardian or
[24:58] I saw it here." And then she was like,
[25:00] "Well, you like orchestrated that,
[25:02] right?" And this is like a 70-year-old
[25:04] woman was like, "Well, you you did that,
[25:05] right?" And I'm like, "No,
[25:08] no." Now, if I did do that, I would just
[25:11] say that I did that, but I didn't. They
[25:13] just chose to pick up that story.
[25:15] Anyway,
[25:18] but again, I think this is all part of
[25:20] like being, you know, someone in the
[25:22] public eye is people, they're allowed
[25:24] and entitled to talk about you and make
[25:27] up conspiracies and have ideas and
[25:30] thoughts and opinions and judgments.
[25:32] Like, that's just all part of it. So,
[25:33] like, I can't really be mad. Like if I
[25:35] was really mad, then I'd be a SLP or I'd
[25:38] be in uh I had to have another career
[25:41] that didn't involve me, you know,
[25:43] posting my life on the internet, you
[25:45] know. So, okay, there's that. Now, right
[25:49] after this, I'm very excited because I'm
[25:51] going to
[25:53] my daughter. She's in ballet jazz and um
[25:57] she has her performance on Sunday and
[26:01] they have a dress rehearsal today and
[26:03] they're pretty hardcore this this dance
[26:06] company. Um yeah, they're like she needs
[26:11] full hair and makeup for the dress
[26:13] rehearsal. We need a slick back high bun
[26:16] and full makeup. And they made her like
[26:19] a custom costume by the way that is
[26:22] right in there. Um, and I was like,
[26:24] "Okay, okay." I was like, "You want
[26:27] full?" I was like, "She's five. You You
[26:29] said full makeup." They were like, "Mhm.
[26:32] Foundation,
[26:34] eyeshadow, eyeliner, lashes, lips,
[26:38] blush." And I'm like, "So, like a full
[26:40] face beat." I'm like, "Do you want me to
[26:42] contour my 5-year-old? Do you want me to
[26:44] contour, too?" Like, what?
[26:47] I don't know. Maybe it's like a
[26:49] California thing. I don't recall the
[26:52] full face beat as a 5-year-old. And
[26:55] they're like, "It's so her features can
[26:56] pop on stage." Okay. And I'm like,
[26:59] "Okay. Um, I'm not going to put um
[27:03] foundation on my 5-year-old. She has
[27:05] literal perfect skin. She's five. Um, so
[27:09] I'm not going to do that." And then I
[27:11] talked to her about it and I was like,
[27:12] "Do are you okay with like eye shadow
[27:16] and lipstick?" And she was like, "I
[27:17] really don't want lipstick on." And I
[27:20] was like, "Okay."
[27:22] And she's like, "I just don't like the
[27:24] way it feels. I really don't." And I
[27:26] think," She goes, "And I think my lips
[27:28] look really nice." See?
[27:32] And I was like, "Your lips do look
[27:34] really nice." Like she was like, "I
[27:35] don't want or need lipstick." And she
[27:39] does. She has like naturally like dark
[27:41] pink lips. I always had really dark lips
[27:44] too, especially as a kid. and I would
[27:47] get in trouble for wearing lipstick in
[27:48] school. Poppy is fine. She goes, I'll do
[27:52] blush and eyeshadow. That's what she
[27:54] wants to do. So, I'm going to try that
[27:56] today and we'll see if we get in
[27:57] trouble, but they're pretty hardcore,
[28:00] you know? Like, I never seen dance moms.
[28:03] I mean, I've seen like clips of it and
[28:06] it kind of reminds me of that a little
[28:08] bit. Just it's not that's crazy. Like,
[28:11] her instructor is actually really sweet.
[28:14] There was one time that Poppy got in
[28:16] trouble. She came out, the instructor
[28:18] was like, "I just want you to let you
[28:19] know that Poppy did not get a sticker
[28:21] because she was disruptive. She wasn't
[28:23] listening and she was disrupting the
[28:25] class. So, she did not get a sticker."
[28:27] And I was like, "Okay." And Poppy's
[28:29] like, "Yeah, I didn't get a sticker.
[28:31] Mom, let's go." And I was like, "Okay."
[28:35] Um, but then Poppy and I walked away and
[28:38] she was like, "I ruined everything." And
[28:40] I go, "What do you mean? No, you
[28:42] didn't." And I said, "But what happened
[28:43] in there?" And she goes, "I was just
[28:46] trying to make him laugh."
[28:49] And I thought, "Oh, that's my fault.
[28:51] That's 100% my fault." But I will say
[28:55] from her not getting a sticker, she's
[28:57] gotten a sticker every time since. Like
[28:59] she knows there's a time and a place and
[29:01] she's listening to the teacher more. So
[29:03] that's good, you know. Um anyway,
[29:08] so I'm doing that the dress rehearsal.
[29:12] It's just funny that whole whole world.
[29:15] But I'll I'll make sure that they're
[29:17] treating her well and that it's not too
[29:20] crazy competitive cuz like they're
[29:23] little kids. And then of course she's
[29:25] doing a K-pop demon hunters dance camp
[29:28] too this summer that I'm very excited
[29:31] about.
[29:32] So, lots of fun things to look forward
[29:34] to. And yeah, I want to know what do you
[29:38] do to combat the negative thoughts? What
[29:41] works really well for you? Is it a
[29:42] gratitude list? Is it being of service?
[29:44] Is it something totally different? Um,
[29:47] sometimes for me too, just taking a walk
[29:49] really, really helps.
[29:52] Um, yeah. And then, oh, also I've been
[29:54] doing physical therapy twice a week,
[29:56] which is really amazing. Um, she's uh so
[30:01] good and I get to like do these crazy
[30:03] massages with these machines
[30:06] and that's pretty awesome. And then I
[30:07] see a psychologist twice a week too. And
[30:10] the psychologist
[30:11] um says that I have PTSD and she
[30:16] believes my kids have PTSD. And you
[30:20] know, Alfie like walks around the house
[30:22] all day going mommy hot, mommy hoot,
[30:24] mommy injured, mommy injured. And then
[30:26] he follows me around the house and puts
[30:28] bandages on my back.
[30:30] Isn't that so sweet? And I tell him and
[30:33] she helped me guide him because he's
[30:35] replaying that night is what she says
[30:38] that he's replaying the night.
[30:40] And she told me to um tell him, you
[30:44] know, mommy's healing cuz mommy is
[30:46] healing. Mommy's okay. Mommy's safe.
[30:48] Mommy's healing. We fix the fridge. The
[30:50] fridge is safe and that will never
[30:53] happen again. And we're safe. And so I
[30:55] say that over and over. She said also
[30:58] let him be a part of the healing
[30:59] process. Like let him rub the arnica on
[31:01] you. If he wants to put a bandage on
[31:03] you, like that's okay. He wants to feel
[31:04] in control. She was saying that they
[31:06] felt helpless in the situation. We were
[31:09] all helpless. I was stuck under the
[31:11] fridge. I couldn't get it off of me. I
[31:13] was helpless. They're five and seven.
[31:15] They also felt helpless. So now they're
[31:17] doing things to feel helpful, like put
[31:19] bandages on and things like that. Also,
[31:22] Poppy will yell at me at night. She'll
[31:23] be like, "You shouldn't have done that.
[31:25] You shouldn't have gone under there."
[31:26] Like, we'll just be like laying in bed
[31:28] and she goes, "You shouldn't have done
[31:29] that. You shouldn't have gone under
[31:31] there, Mom. Why did you go under there?
[31:32] Why didn't you just call a handyman and
[31:34] let them fix it? Why did you try to fix
[31:36] it? Why did you go under there? You
[31:38] shouldn't have gone under there like
[31:39] that."
[31:41] And again, I like try to validate her
[31:44] feelings and then assure her that it's
[31:46] fixed and that it's safe and um that it
[31:50] won't happen again. And um yeah, but
[31:55] anyway, she's teaching me tactics not
[31:57] just for me, but for the kids, too,
[32:00] because that was an incredibly
[32:01] terrifying night for them, especially.
[32:04] Um but anyway, we're all in the
[32:06] solution, getting therapy, and um going
[32:10] to recovery meetings and going to
[32:12] personal training now so I can get
[32:14] strong, so if any happens to me again,
[32:17] I'm just going to try and be the
[32:18] strongest version of myself I can be.
[32:20] Um, and of course, progress, not
[32:22] perfection. So, anyway, that's all. I'll
[32:25] wrap up. I'll let you go about your day.
[32:26] But, thank you for listening. If you
[32:28] guys haven't subscribed to my YouTube,
[32:30] please um, hit the subscribe button and
[32:33] hit the notification bell so you can see
[32:35] when an episode comes out. And, um, if
[32:38] you haven't subscribed to my Patreon, I
[32:39] strongly recommend you do. There's a
[32:41] free option. I believe there's a $1 a
[32:43] month option. And then if there's the
[32:44] full um the $10 a month option, which
[32:47] that one is really cool because we're
[32:49] doing um two we're starting like twohour
[32:54] Zoom meetings a month where it's topic
[32:56] discussion just like my favorite support
[32:57] groups and that'll be a really great way
[32:59] to get to know each other and connect
[33:01] and heal together and laugh together. Um
[33:04] but anyway, it's patreon.com/lorurclary.
[33:07] You can also submit there to be on my
[33:09] show so we can get to hang out and and
[33:11] chat. So, love you guys so much and uh
[33:14] talk soon.
[33:39] Heat.