# An honest conversation about marriage after a decade together

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhVZPqAGtGo

[00:00] I didn't prioritize my marriage after starting our family.
[00:04] I feel like I mentally cut you out of the picture for a little bit there.
[00:07] It took me months to just be like, "Oh my gosh, I freaking love you.
[00:11] This is why we did this in the first place.
[00:11] Keep a secret bank account in case your husband leaves you.
[00:14] I have a friend's parent that
[00:15] No way.
[00:16] When their husband ended up finding out about it.
[00:19] He started giving her money to put in her special bank account.
[00:21] That's actually really sweet.
[00:23] What's the difference between alimony and child support?
[00:25] Alimony is for you.
[00:26] Child support is for the child.
[00:27] Wait, why do you guys talk about this?
[00:28] I'm getting some ducks in a row.
[00:30] What?
[00:30] Oh goodness.
[00:34] Welcome back to Always Here Unplanned.
[00:37] Was that a joke or was that I was going to say, my goodness, not the right podcast.
[00:46] Back to unplanned podcast.
[00:49] This will tell you literally how my brain has been operating recently.
[00:51] If you guys didn't know, Aby's pregnant, fourth pregnancy, third baby boy.
[00:57] Things are happening, guys.
[00:59] The belly is it's popped and and it's also dropped, too.
[01:02] Well, I feel like it was just always low.
[01:04] It's just always This was the lowest I've ever carried a baby.
[01:07] We just had an appointment today and the doctor had all good things to say, but baby's coming in at 68%.
[01:14] 58.
[01:15] 58%.
[01:16] Yes.
[01:17] So, so for us, that's still tiny little guy.
[01:20] Yeah.
[01:21] Amazing.
[01:22] I'm pumped.
[01:23] Yep.
[01:23] But not as plan is still in action.
[01:25] Not as pumped as as the kids were.
[01:28] the car earlier.
[01:28] Can you tell can you can you give me
[01:30] I wish I we could have started just recording the podcast at 12:37 when I was in the car in the in-n-out drive-thru with the boys and we were singing
[01:38] Hi.
[01:39] Oh, let's go.
[01:43] Let's go.
[01:46] That's from Jimmy Neutron.
[01:47] Wait.
[01:47] Oh, that's why.
[01:48] Babe, it's so I'm so happy that they love the Jimmy Neutron movie cuz that shaped my whole childhood.
[01:53] I'm telling you, it can turn their whole mood around if I just start going if I'm trying to get them to leave.
[01:56] I'm like, "All right. Oh, let's go next."
[02:00] Wait, what's what movie has Who
[02:03] Let the Dogs Out?
[02:04] Every single movie that was made in like
[02:06] No, wait.
[02:06] That was the Rugrats movie.
[02:08] Oh, really?
[02:08] Remember the Rugrats movie?
[02:09] I feel like it's in Shaggy Dog.
[02:09] I was afraid of that movie as a kid, actually.
[02:12] I need to show them the Rugrats movie.
[02:13] That was my
[02:14] No, I feel like that was not a good
[02:16] There was a lot of good Nickelodeon movies.
[02:17] Oh, no.
[02:17] I was a little bit I was deterred from Nickelodeon by my parents.
[02:21] They were very pro Disney.
[02:21] A little bit like
[02:23] See, I was a Nickelodeon.
[02:23] I was a Nickelodeon kid.
[02:25] O.
[02:27] Yep.
[02:27] That's tough.
[02:27] That's tough to to learn now 10 years into our relationship.
[02:32] Well, do you want to give everyone a rundown what we'll be talking about today on the podcast?
[02:35] Well, we have officially been together for 10 years.
[02:39] A decade.
[02:41] Years.
[02:42] A decade.
[02:43] June 18th, 2016 was when I took Abby on our first ever date.
[02:46] And then on a couple days later, Abby said to me the famous line,
[02:53] "I hate this line."
[02:54] Why do you hate this line?
[02:54] because it's just so cringey.
[02:57] Well, do I guess now?
[02:57] Should I not say it?
[03:00] I don't.
[03:00] No, you can say it.
[03:01] Basically, Abby said, "Well, am I
[03:05] also should I say that?
[03:07] That was our first kiss.
[03:09] That was my both of our ever's first kiss.
[03:10] First kiss June 18th, 2016.
[03:13] And then a couple days later, Abby said the famous line to me,
[03:15] Are we dating?
[03:17] Because I can't be macking on a guy that's not my boyfriend.
[03:19] That is so cringey.
[03:21] That's what she said.
[03:21] I'm literally just cringing my skin.
[03:23] She re and she really said that and then I said,
[03:26] Yeah, we're dating.
[03:28] Cuz I think I had actually told somebody.
[03:29] She had overheard.
[03:29] You did tell someone that I was your girlfriend.
[03:31] I overheard it.
[03:32] I was like, "Well, I did not consent."
[03:33] And you, you know, I didn't really understand like the rules.
[03:34] I I was like, "Yeah, we're dating."
[03:37] You know, like we've been on going on some dates.
[03:39] That's fair. But you can't call me your girlfriend.
[03:39] I didn't know.
[03:43] Asked to for me to be my girlfriend.
[03:45] And then officially became my girlfriend.
[03:47] We sorted it all out and 10 years later, we're still together.
[03:49] A lot yes has happened in that time.
[03:53] We've gotten married.
[03:54] We went to college together.
[03:56] We graduated high school.
[03:57] Lived in Hawaii for a year.
[03:59] Wait, wait, wait.
[04:01] Start over.
[04:02] We went to high school.
[04:02] Uh-huh.
[04:03] Or graduated high school.
[04:05] That's right.
[04:05] Followed each other to college, got
[04:07] Engaged, got.
[04:08] We got into we got into theater school.
[04:09] We both auditioned at like 20 different schools.
[04:11] Guys, I don't think you understand how like hardcore we were about this.
[04:16] Well, it was a public university.
[04:17] Imagine, okay, imagine if you and your boyfriend in high school wanted to follow each other to college, but you're both trying to make it in athletics.
[04:28] Like, let's say you're both cross country runners, like to both make it on a team school.
[04:31] Exactly.
[04:31] So, like that's essentially what we did, but in the arts.
[04:33] So, we to to increase our odds of getting in at the same school, we just auditioned everywhere.
[04:38] And what's funny is like I kind of followed I would say I more so followed you because I had some opportunities that came up where I got good scholarships but Missouri State was the prospect that like really wanted you and I got on the wait list like I wasn't even fully accepted but it was the cheapest school that we got into and my mom had been you know reading some Dave Ramsey at the time really kind of putting a you know putting some ideas in my ear about hey you really don't want
[05:07] to go into a bunch of debt for college
[05:08] cuz then you have to pay all that money
[05:09] back.
[05:10] And so I'm very thankful.
[05:12] Probably especially for an arts degree.
[05:14] Yeah.
[05:14] An arts like you don't want to go
[05:15] into hundred thousands of dollar like if
[05:17] you're going to be a doctor and you got
[05:18] like a $100,000 of student loans.
[05:20] You're like you're going to get a job
[05:22] that's going to pay that off.
[05:23] That's a great bet.
[05:23] Yeah.
[05:23] Cuz you're
[05:24] going to make way more than that even in
[05:25] your first year after residency, right?
[05:28] But for like singing and dancing, that's
[05:30] risky.
[05:30] So anyway, um followed each other
[05:33] to college and then what happened?
[05:37] We got engaged.
[05:38] We started social media.
[05:42] That kind of started to take off.
[05:44] Yeah.
[05:44] I think you know really what
[05:45] happened you guys is
[05:46] we switched our majors.
[05:48] I had this dream of like
[05:52] basically this dream didn't even exist
[05:53] until after we had switched for majors.
[05:56] I found Abby watching couples vlogs on
[05:58] YouTube and I'm like people are like
[06:01] vlogging their their life as a couple
[06:03] and that like that can pay their bills.
[06:06] And she's like, "Yeah."
[06:07] And I'm like, "Babe, my entire life I've made videos
[06:09] up until recently, like I was a part of our TV station in high school doing the editing, production, filming.
[06:17] I made videos for every project I had in middle school cuz when I had a tumor discovered on my back, I couldn't really do theater anymore.
[06:23] So, I had to find a new way to express myself through, you know, the arts.
[06:28] Anyway, this YouTube channel, this YouTube channel though was a flop.
[06:31] Like, it like nobody was watching our videos.
[06:33] But then when COVID hit, we were, you know, stuck inside and we're like, "All right, let's just like do some Tik Tok dances for a fun little like YouTube video."
[06:42] And that is how it all started.
[06:44] Yeah.
[06:45] Then we moved to Hawaii cuz now we worked like remote essentially like we didn't have to be where we were.
[06:52] We started our family shortly after.
[06:55] We moved to Arizona and then we kind of like now have a mini compound in Arizona because now our whole family lives here.
[07:01] Yeah.
[07:01] We have launched two podcasts.
[07:04] We have a new launch.
[07:07] Yeah,
[07:07] that's finally happening.
[07:09] Do you want to talk about that new
[07:10] Launch?
[07:10] Yeah.
[07:10] I'm so nervous because I feel like I have talked about this so much and it's gotten edited out of so many things.
[07:17] I've like been like, you guys, we're doing this.
[07:20] It's so exciting.
[07:22] And then every time I'm like, were people excited?
[07:24] And they're like, it didn't make the cut.
[07:26] Abby, we're launching a mascara.
[07:33] Mascara.
[07:35] Is this going to get cut again?
[07:37] It's not going to get cut.
[07:38] This process, you guys, has really stretched me cuz I'm going to be so for real with y'all.
[07:43] I am not I'm not an entrepreneur.
[07:46] It's just not really in me.
[07:48] You know what I mean?
[07:48] And I wish it was because I feel like it just with the way my life has just started to develop, it would have be it would be really handy to have that skillset.
[07:59] I'm certainly not.
[07:59] But what I do love is makeup and I've always loved makeup ever since I was able to wear it.
[08:07] Specifically, I really love mascara and I always felt conflicted when it came to
[08:12] mascara.
[08:13] Am I giving like the whole birth story right now of this?
[08:15] If this gets cut, then that's fine.
[08:18] But um I always felt conflicted because especially since becoming a mom and just like learning more about ingredients,
[08:24] you hear a lot of sketchy stuff that can go into products and I always felt like I had to like kind of sacrifice either on the way my lashes looked or like what was in them.
[08:32] Mhm.
[08:33] And so because I was like there is literally like there's a hole in the market here and I couldn't find one that I really loved.
[08:40] I was like it would be so cool if we could ever just create one from scratch of our own.
[08:42] Yeah, the process has been extremely long.
[08:49] Just for context, you guys, we thought this mascara was launching in November of 2025,
[08:55] and it's it's now like way past that, obviously.
[08:59] But can I have a secret?
[09:01] I have been literally using my own formula for over a year.
[09:04] Over a year, guys.
[09:04] So, when anyone has been leaving comments like asking about my mascara, like, what mascara do you use?
[09:10] I've never answered it.
[09:11] And I feel so bad because I am not a gatekeeper.
[09:13] who I am.
[09:15] it's not it's not in my DNA.
[09:17] I want to share.
[09:18] I want to share everything with everyone.
[09:19] I'm a girls girl.
[09:19] Come on.
[09:19] Yeah.
[09:19] But why share about it if they can't even buy it?
[09:21] Exactly.
[09:22] Until now, baby.
[09:23] Also, I feel like people are always like, "Ah, I'm not allowed to tell."
[09:26] I'm like, "Well, who's telling you not to tell?"
[09:27] There are forces that be that tell you not to tell.
[09:28] I'm telling you that right now.
[09:30] I've learned a lot.
[09:32] And so now it's finally it should be there.
[09:35] I don't know that we did everything strategically or right or entrepreneurial, but I really believe in this.
[09:40] I'm really excited about it.
[09:41] I know that it makes my day better just to have a little mascara on.
[09:45] And I can talk more about it later, but this isn't really the time, but just to say like I really believe in this.
[09:51] And I feel like this has been a really cool project that we were able to work on together.
[09:57] Obviously, you're not like a super big fan of mascara, but you bring so much to like I wouldn't have done it without you.
[09:58] Well, I think what I appreciate about you, babe, in this whole process is you really did your due diligence.
[10:04] You've compared the mascara formulas to mascara
[10:13] that you used to use in the past for your eyelashes because you want it to be even better than the products that you've used.
[10:20] So many tests for brushes, bottles, formulas, and and that's why pigments.
[10:25] In addition to that, too, Aby's given out the formula to her friends to try to get their feedback.
[10:30] They've all loved it.
[10:31] And you're wearing it right now.
[10:33] Wearing it literally every single day.
[10:35] If you've seen me for the past over a year, I've been wearing it.
[10:41] Yeah, it has just been such a process.
[10:43] But, um, I really am proud of it.
[10:46] I am scared crapless.
[10:47] And the company name is Biswell Beauty.
[10:50] If you go to bisell-beauty.com, that is where you can buy the mascara.
[10:53] It's incredible.
[10:55] Everyone Everyone that's tried it has loved it.
[10:58] Oh, Biswell's my maiden name, by the way.
[11:00] Oh, yeah.
[11:01] You're probably like, yeah, you're probably wondering why is it called Explain why it's called Biswell Beauty.
[11:05] Uh cuz it's my maiden name.
[11:08] Okay, that's it.
[11:10] There you go.
[11:10] It's very um And I feel like my family
[11:14] was very thrilled about that.
[11:15] Yeah.
[11:16] So anyway,
[11:17] yeah, lots
[11:18] I was thinking we could call it Howard Beauty and then Abby was like, it's got to be didn't roll off the tongue as well.
[11:23] Didn't Yeah. No.
[11:24] Dang it. Dang it.
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[12:30] Well, this episode is going to be really fun.
[12:31] We've actually we've we've planned a lot.
[12:35] I got to be honest though, this is called the unplanned podcast, but we've planned a lot cuz we've been really reflective.
[12:39] We have been together a decade now.
[12:41] Um we have done this podcast for gosh feels like a decade.
[12:47] Nearly 200 episodes.
[12:50] Oh my.
[12:50] And um there's just like a lot to reflect on and um throughout our entire relationship, we have changed so much.
[12:57] But I think it'd be fun to start off with some quick relationship trivia.
[13:02] Yeah.
[13:02] Okay, let's do it.
[13:03] I feel like you're going to be really good at this cuz I feel like you really like locked in on a lot of our first together.
[13:10] Okay.
[13:10] What was our first date?
[13:12] Were you nervous planning it?
[13:14] What do you remember?
[13:15] I was so nervous.
[13:15] Our first date was
[13:18] three different dates in one.
[13:20] So, we started off with lunch at uh Chick-fil-A.
[13:23] Yes.
[13:24] Abby got chicken nuggets.
[13:25] I couldn't eat cuz I was so nervous.
[13:27] I got the number one meal with the lemonade.
[13:30] My god.
[13:30] So, you were consistent with who you were.
[13:31] I just couldn't eat.
[13:33] So, I was like, just get chicken nuggets.
[13:35] Like, and then I think I ate them for you.
[13:37] Like, I probably couldn't eat.
[13:38] I was so nervous.
[13:39] I think I you know, I can I can really throw down some food.
[13:42] So, when you didn't eat them, I'm like, I guess I'll eat these.
[13:43] Uh then we proceeded to go see I did.
[13:45] You buy my Chick-fil-A?
[13:47] I did buy your Chick-fil-A as a gentleman would.
[13:49] It was like a whole $6 back in 2016.
[13:52] Did you pay for my movie ticket?
[13:53] I did.
[13:54] This is so weird, you guys.
[13:56] After this, we went to The Conjuring.
[13:57] We saw The Conjuring Part Two.
[13:59] Why did we do that?
[14:00] I just wanted to take you to a scary movie so you would get all like nervous.
[14:03] You literally took me to a demonic movie.
[14:05] I did.
[14:07] Yeah.
[14:07] Yeah.
[14:07] I guess that was strategic, too, cuz then it was like, "Okay, we'll get scared so we can have an excuse to cuddle."
[14:13] I remember how nervous I was.
[14:13] my arm around you.
[14:15] I remember how nervous I was to move my hand off your leg.
[14:18] When you put your hand on my leg, I
[14:19] thought like there was so much happening inside my head.
[14:22] I was just so thrilled.
[14:26] I remember I distinctly remember that my hip started to lock up because I was like kind of leaning towards you and I was like, I cannot move.
[14:32] I simply cannot move.
[14:34] So, I was like, I'm going to stay frozen like this.
[14:37] I remember when I kissed you the first time, I said that was awkward and then I think I did it.
[14:40] Did I redo it after that?
[14:42] You did it twice.
[14:43] We did two kisses.
[14:45] The first one was awkward.
[14:45] The second one was just right.
[14:46] We remember every detail because you guys, this was literally Matt's first date ever.
[14:49] This was both of our first kisses ever.
[14:51] Like it was there was a lot going on like emotions wise.
[14:57] It was super fun
[14:59] and I remember detail cuz then afterwards we went and we went hiking.
[15:03] Yeah, we went hiking.
[15:03] We went to Castlewood State Park in Missouri.
[15:06] It was like a six-hour date.
[15:08] It was a long date.
[15:08] All on my 18th birthday, which made it very memorable.
[15:13] My golden birthday.
[15:13] We have a show that night.
[15:15] Golden birthday, by the way.
[15:16] Uh, and yeah, and then after all of that, we went and performed in a production of
[15:20] Mary Poppins at the Municipal Opera in St. Louis, Missouri.
[15:24] It was not Mary Poppins, also known as the MUN.
[15:27] The It was definitely Mary Poppins.
[15:29] No, wait. That was the first Sorry.
[15:31] That was the first show that we were in.
[15:32] We That was Wizard.
[15:33] Yeah. So, our first show together was when we were in middle school.
[15:35] We were just friends and like played cards together when we weren't needed on on stage, which was a lot of times.
[15:41] And then our second show together was when we started dating.
[15:44] Perfect.
[15:45] We crushed that.
[15:47] Who initiated the first kiss?
[15:47] Me.
[15:48] Matt did.
[15:49] I was never going to do that.
[15:51] I wanted you to kiss me, but I was never going to initiate that.
[15:53] Who said I love you first?
[15:55] I think that was me.
[15:58] Was it me or you? I think it was me.
[15:59] It was you.
[16:01] And I think you were like, I think I love you.
[16:03] If I remember correctly, I think I Yeah, I think I did, too.
[16:05] And I think it was when you were facetiming me, like a month into us dating.
[16:08] I It might have even been sooner than that.
[16:10] Wow.
[16:10] It was fast.
[16:12] We moved really fast.
[16:13] Did I say it back right away?
[16:14] I think you did.
[16:15] I think I did, too.
[16:17] Yeah, we said dove head first, you guys.
[16:19] That's what's crazy about dating in high school.
[16:19] You just
[16:20] No.
[16:20] Abandon.
[16:22] Yeah.
[16:23] Um, what was our first fight about?
[16:26] I can't remember.
[16:26] I think I remember.
[16:29] Oh, it was about which college we were gonna go to.
[16:33] And I think what happened is I was a rare dude in the theater world that could dance cuz I had taken dance like my whole life.
[16:42] And I think well a lot of guys can dance, but I feel like a lot of like high school going into college, they don't do formal dance training like a lot of them in musical theater.
[16:52] So basically, how would you describe this this argument?
[16:57] What what's your memory of it?
[16:59] Because I feel like you have a better I don't remember details but I just remember that was like the first time we actually had conflict because like what were we gonna fight about before in high school?
[17:07] You know what I mean?
[17:08] It was it we were in Chicago.
[17:08] We were there for unified auditions where a bunch of different schools auditioning kids for their musical theater programs.
[17:17] Like they they hold just auditions at this hotel and so you can audition for
[17:21] like we're there with our moms staying at my grandma's condo.
[17:24] Yeah.
[17:24] So it was it was stressful.
[17:28] Like we both were doing multiple auditions and I think and I wasn't having a good time.
[17:33] It was probably my fault honestly.
[17:34] I think you were just discouraged because I think you were getting shut down because
[17:39] Oh yeah, that's what it was.
[17:39] Like I feel like I kept like I think you had like these rosecolored glasses on because you would show up to the doors of these auditions and usually they have like a fee of like $60 just to audition here and like for us to look at your headshot and resume and you would like walk up to the doors and they'd be like we'll wave the fee like a tall man like he's so rare.
[18:00] And so then they just like would let you in and then I feel like you just had these like rosecolored glasses on of the whole experience of then like being like a girl just dime a dozen, you know, at one of those like those open call essentially auditions like it was and I'm sure it was just something that I
[18:21] don't even remember the details of it
[18:22] but I just remember that was the first time that we were like experiencing conflict.
[18:25] I think I was just super excited.
[18:27] You were discouraged and then it it like provided this disconnect where we just didn't feel the same way about how the college audition process was going.
[18:36] Yeah.
[18:36] I don't really remember much more than that.
[18:39] Yeah.
[18:39] I I remember we were at some sort of like corner bakery.
[18:43] It was like Corner Bakery in downtown Chicago and we were just and and we had gotten in like what we I guess we got into it.
[18:50] We were there was like no like we weren't yelling.
[18:52] We were just kind of like I know.
[18:54] I mean, obviously our moms were there, too.
[18:56] So, just like a sad conversation.
[18:59] It was just sad cuz I think it was just like, "You go on without me."
[19:02] Like, "Leave me behind."
[19:05] I think you said something along those lines.
[19:06] Yeah.
[19:08] That's good times, good memories to remember.
[19:10] But that was just like the first time that it was just like, "Oh, we have we're making a life decision together."
[19:17] Yeah.
[19:17] Which I don't know if that was even really right to make at that point, but
[19:21] we surely did.
[19:24] So, what was our first vacation together?
[19:26] That would be Fort Myers, Florida with my family.
[19:29] Yeah.
[19:30] For spring break.
[19:31] Yeah.
[19:33] That was 2018.
[19:34] 2017. Yeah.
[19:34] I woke up my whole family throwing up cuz you cannot throw up like a normal person.
[19:38] He like coughs when he throws up.
[19:41] Your whole entire family, your mom especially, was very concerned.
[19:44] Yeah, Matt.
[19:46] It sounded crazy.
[19:46] I think your family is just terrified of throwing up or whatever.
[19:50] I think you and your mom just have a fear of vomiting.
[19:52] It was like
[19:54] I felt way I felt way better afterwards.
[19:58] We were at like a crab shack and then Matt just disappeared for like 45 minutes.
[20:02] Threw up in the bathroom.
[20:04] I think you had diarrhea.
[20:05] I got the stomach bug.
[20:06] No, I think I was throwing up in the bathroom.
[20:08] Or Oh, actually, no.
[20:08] Maybe it was diarrhea first and then throwing up later.
[20:12] What great memories.
[20:14] Yeah.
[20:14] Um, no, that was just exhilarating like getting to travel and like you like actually get really close.
[20:19] You were already really close with my family, but
[20:21] like getting to travel together for the
[20:23] first time. That felt like a big
[20:24] milestone, especially cuz we were in
[20:25] high school. Are we going to let our
[20:26] kids in high school bring their
[20:28] girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever?
[20:30] I don't know about that. We'll see. It
[20:32] depends.
[20:34] Yeah. Actually, I don't know about that.
[20:36] If we like them, if we like them,
[20:38] they can sleep in the
[20:39] You can bring yours, but you can't bring
[20:41] yours.
[20:41] Yeah, that's what we'll do. We'll pick
[20:42] favorites. That's great. Um, what first
[20:46] apartment rent amount?
[20:48] Uh, I think it was 650
[20:53] a month, I think.
[20:54] Was it that much? Cuz I feel
[20:56] Was it less than that?
[20:57] I think it was a little less, but that
[20:58] didn't It included internet.
[21:01] No, no, it included trash and water.
[21:03] No, I think it I think like I I I want
[21:07] to say allin
[21:09] it was like around 650. I think it was
[21:12] 550 a month or something.
[21:13] Yeah. And then after our other utilities
[21:15] it was like 650.
[21:16] Yeah. So it was pretty it was pretty
[21:18] affordable.
[21:18] It was pretty affordable.
[21:20] Um perks of living.
[21:21] I don't think you can really find that
[21:22] anymore.
[21:23] Yeah. Perks of living in low- inome
[21:24] housing. I'm curious what the price is
[21:26] for uh that that low-income housing
[21:30] um apartment complex. I wonder if
[21:32] they've I'm sure they've raised it over
[21:33] the past 5 years.
[21:34] Probably had to.
[21:35] Yeah. Cuz that was
[21:36] I mean it is subsidized by the
[21:37] government though, so maybe they like
[21:39] kind of covered that.
[21:39] Yeah. Maybe they do.
[21:41] What was our first big purchase? It was
[21:44] the Taurus.
[21:45] Yeah, the Ford Taurus.
[21:47] Yeah.
[21:47] For I think that was $6,000.
[21:49] We bought a car together. Yeah. For
[21:52] $6,000 before we were even engaged.
[21:54] Yeah.
[21:55] We were just dating our freshman year of
[21:57] college, but we were trying to save up
[21:59] money to like eventually get married,
[22:02] but we couldn't do that if we didn't
[22:04] have a car to get to a job. So, we got a
[22:07] car and then we just went and just
[22:09] looked at any restaurant that would hire
[22:11] both of us
[22:12] and we took the first restaurant that
[22:14] said we could work together there
[22:16] and share a vehicle and that was
[22:18] Bellisinos
[22:19] in Springfield, Missouri.
[22:21] Wait, no. Okay, that was when I had that
[22:23] was before buying the car together cuz
[22:25] Flame hired me when I had my brother's
[22:28] car cuz he didn't need it that semester
[22:30] and then he needed it back
[22:31] and
[22:32] Gosh dang it, Caleb. Well, it was
[22:33] because my parents needed My parents
[22:36] originally had bought, this is actually
[22:39] kind of sad, my parents had originally
[22:40] bought me and Caleb like a truck because
[22:42] Caleb got his car for my uncle on his
[22:45] 16th birthday. And then when I turned
[22:46] 16, my parents bought a used truck that
[22:48] we like would like share and trade. And
[22:50] you picked me up in that truck on our
[22:51] first date.
[22:52] Yeah. Sometimes I drive the truck,
[22:53] sometime I drive the Camry. And then
[22:55] when money was tight, my parents needed
[22:58] the truck cuz my mom's car I think
[23:01] wasn't working anymore. So then my mom
[23:02] started driving the truck to get to her
[23:04] job and then my brother and I only had
[23:07] one car between the two of us. So we had
[23:09] to buy a car.
[23:09] You did you lived in different towns?
[23:11] Yeah.
[23:13] Um first video that went viral.
[23:17] Uh like actual viral I would say would
[23:20] be the video of
[23:22] me trying on the prom dress.
[23:24] It was either you trying on your prom
[23:25] dress and getting my reaction. Was that
[23:27] what the wedding dress or a prom dress
[23:28] reaction video?
[23:29] I don't know. It might have been your
[23:30] wedding dress.
[23:32] I can't remember. But the Okay. No, the
[23:35] first
[23:35] Don't ask me to put those back on
[23:38] actually ever again in my life.
[23:39] Both of those videos went viral. That
[23:41] was like in April, May of 2020. But the
[23:44] video
[23:44] so basically I just surprised Matt by
[23:46] putting on the dress that we wore to our
[23:48] high school prom again like when we were
[23:49] already married. And then or my wedding
[23:51] dress. We don't remember which one.
[23:52] And then the other video that went viral
[23:54] on Tik Tok was of us doing like the
[23:56] third or fourth video we ever posted and
[23:58] it was like the dance like of the It
[24:00] sounded like it was like in a different
[24:01] language.
[24:03] Yeah. Da da da da da. And then you like
[24:06] put your hands up and you like do this
[24:07] dance.
[24:08] That's just like it was really dumb. It
[24:10] was a really dumb Tik Tok dance.
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[24:28] We're big fans of Square because about a
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[24:35] stand and realized, "Oh my gosh, we
[24:36] don't have cash to buy the hot
[24:38] chocolate.
[24:38] We never have cash."
[24:39] But then this kid pulled out his Square
[24:41] so that we could use our credit card to
[24:43] pay him. And it was it was genius. I was
[24:45] like, you're you're an expert
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[25:20] Get started today. See that? This is
[25:22] what I'm not excited about cuz that's
[25:24] exactly what this next segment is.
[25:25] What is it? It's reliving memory lane.
[25:28] Oh gosh.
[25:28] Of cringy stuff we have posted.
[25:31] All right. That's okay.
[25:32] We
[25:33] There's been a lot of it.
[25:35] I can't even rewatch anything that we
[25:37] ever film.
[25:38] Really?
[25:38] Yeah. It just makes my skin crawl.
[25:42] Feel like there's been some good stuff.
[25:43] No, it's No, I'm like I'm proud of it,
[25:45] but I also I'm like I can't watch it.
[25:48] Okay.
[25:48] Does that make sense?
[25:49] No.
[25:50] I think it's weird to watch yourself.
[25:52] Um, fair. But, uh, this one is called
[25:56] Who Said That?
[25:57] Okay.
[25:57] And we were talking in preparation for
[25:59] this episode how like most people don't
[26:01] even necessarily remember things that
[26:03] they said like when they first got
[26:04] married. Don't remember things that they
[26:06] said like I mean, you just don't
[26:08] remember like or like how you thought or
[26:12] I don't know any of your trains of
[26:13] thoughts. But not only do we have it
[26:16] documented, but we have it documented
[26:17] publicly. So, um, we have the privilege,
[26:21] one could say, of being able to reflect
[26:24] back on things that we have said.
[26:25] I love it.
[26:26] Okay, the quote is, "Will I be judged
[26:28] for not wearing a shirt in Utah?"
[26:32] I feel like that was me.
[26:33] Yeah, I don't really think it's going to
[26:35] be me.
[26:36] Okay, let's play the video. Let's see
[26:37] who it was.
[26:38] We really liked Hawaii in the sense that
[26:40] it was very laidback and chill and
[26:44] didn't really It didn't matter what you
[26:45] looked like or
[26:46] what you had. And I feel like Arizona
[26:49] has more of that going for it than Utah.
[26:52] You're saying that people in Utah are
[26:53] materialistic. That is so rude.
[26:55] I'm not talking about the people. I'm
[26:56] talking about the culture of the state
[26:57] is different as far as like the things
[26:59] that they prioritize.
[27:01] That's true.
[27:02] They prioritize looks and achievements
[27:04] more than
[27:04] Oh, major stereotype.
[27:07] Will I be judged for not wearing a shirt
[27:08] in Utah?
[27:10] That was us deciding if we're literally
[27:11] going actively deciding if we're going
[27:13] to live in Utah or Arizona.
[27:15] Yeah. Also, wow, my voice that really
[27:18] sounds like that.
[27:20] Your voice has always sounded like that.
[27:21] I think it's cute. I like your voice.
[27:24] Um, so yeah, that was definitely Matt. I
[27:25] would love to think that I would wear a
[27:26] shirt in Utah and in Arizona.
[27:29] Yeah,
[27:29] anywhere I am.
[27:31] Yeah. Um, still crazy that I mean, we
[27:35] legitimately were deciding where we were
[27:37] going to move and hadn't made up our
[27:38] minds. Now we have a family.
[27:39] We posted that and my parents were also
[27:42] involved. Like you can hear my mom
[27:44] commenting on where she thought we
[27:46] should move
[27:47] and I felt the pressure like to be
[27:49] honest I selfishly wanted to move to
[27:53] Utah but like everyone in our family as
[27:56] well as you was like move to Arizona. So
[28:00] we moved to Arizona.
[28:02] But do you feel like a part of you
[28:03] wanted to move to Utah because other
[28:05] people were saying to move to Arizona?
[28:07] Cuz I know you and I feel like you're
[28:08] just like
[28:09] No, it was it was for the snow.
[28:10] Just a tiny bit. Just a tiny bit. for
[28:12] the snowboarding.
[28:13] Well, for me it was like if I can't
[28:15] surf, I want to be somewhere where I can
[28:16] snowboard.
[28:17] Okay.
[28:17] But luckily now Arizona has a surf park.
[28:20] So that was and that was just by chance.
[28:23] Like there was no I did not know that
[28:25] was happening when we moved.
[28:26] No one could have known. This one says,
[28:28] "I would rather do like the Irish
[28:30] goodbye." That was certainly me. I hate
[28:32] saying goodbye. So
[28:34] what is the Irish goodbye?
[28:35] Where you you don't say goodbye, right?
[28:36] You just leave.
[28:40] That's really funny. I would much rather
[28:41] do that than have like a like a hug and
[28:44] like a slow like it just makes me too
[28:46] sad.
[28:46] Which video is that from?
[28:47] Probably us leaving Hawaii.
[28:49] I also hope that we can make time to say
[28:50] goodbye to our friends today too cuz we
[28:52] haven't really told some people about
[28:54] leaving Hawaii. I feel kind of bad.
[28:55] It happened so fast and I personally
[28:58] hate goodbyes. I would rather I mean
[29:00] this sounds bad but I like I don't want
[29:02] my last moment to be like a sad like
[29:04] goodbye with someone. So I'd rather do
[29:06] like the Irish goodbye. Is that what it
[29:08] is? where you just like
[29:09] dip out and then you're just like, "Oh,
[29:11] by the way, I'm not there anymore, but I
[29:13] I'm still your friend." And just pretend
[29:14] I'm there. I don't know.
[29:15] So So just leave and don't say anything.
[29:17] We can't do that.
[29:18] Moving out of Hawaii.
[29:19] Yes. That's That's when was that to our
[29:20] friends Eric and Olivia who are our next
[29:22] door neighbors?
[29:23] Probably. Oh, that's so sad. That makes
[29:26] me sick to think about saying goodbye to
[29:27] them.
[29:28] Yeah.
[29:28] Our neighbors in Hawaii we got really
[29:30] close with.
[29:31] Which, by the way, kids dad on TikTok,
[29:34] that's our buddy Eric.
[29:35] Yeah.
[29:35] So he was our neighbor in in Hawaii. He
[29:38] does social media now, too.
[29:39] He does
[29:40] has for a while.
[29:41] Yeah.
[29:42] Um, this is the next quote. We're going
[29:44] to reconvene after college because a
[29:46] child is a huge commitment.
[29:49] Uh,
[29:51] that was you. Me? That was me.
[29:56] We're going to rec
[29:57] reconvene. I feel like I would say
[29:59] reconvene. That sounds like something I
[30:00] would say.
[30:01] So, we're going to reconvene after
[30:02] college and kind of figure out, okay,
[30:04] where we at? Because a child is a huge
[30:05] commitment. like having a baby is huge.
[30:08] That's a a massive commitment to make.
[30:10] So, we want to make sure that we're
[30:12] prepared for that when that comes.
[30:13] That was Matt saying it and it was from
[30:15] when are we having kids is the title of
[30:17] the YouTube video.
[30:18] That was Matt saying it.
[30:19] I remember when we posted that video,
[30:21] your mom was like, "Why did you post
[30:22] that video?"
[30:23] Oh, I do remember that.
[30:25] Well, she's probably like, "Why did you
[30:26] post any video?" Because at that point,
[30:27] it m it was very weird.
[30:29] It's the start of the podcast. It's just
[30:31] a sit down video. Like you guys sitting
[30:33] there the whole time for a long time.
[30:36] That's right.
[30:37] Um, this one, this quote is along
[30:39] similar lines. We can't be done having
[30:42] kids at 24.
[30:44] That was certainly me.
[30:45] That was certainly, Abby.
[30:46] You're done.
[30:47] This is going to be a lot. This is going
[30:48] to be a lot, dude.
[30:49] I'm 24.
[30:50] I know.
[30:50] I can't be done having kids at 24.
[30:52] Be young and hot like empty nesters.
[30:54] Wouldn't that be so fun?
[30:55] We're having four children.
[30:56] Four. Four.
[30:57] One is already crazy. You want to
[30:59] quadruple that?
[31:00] That was Abby.
[31:01] Yeah.
[31:02] The unplanned podcast.
[31:03] That was the unplanned podcast. the
[31:05] first episode.
[31:06] Yeah, because Matt, remember you were
[31:07] like so convinced that we were like done
[31:08] having kids after having two.
[31:11] Yeah, that was a lot. Having two was a
[31:13] lot. Especially Especially that quickly,
[31:15] you know, back to back.
[31:16] I will say upon further reflection,
[31:20] I do think one to two was a pretty hard
[31:22] transition for
[31:23] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All All of it was.
[31:26] Yeah. You know, a lot to learn. We can
[31:28] dive more into that later. Um, this one
[31:30] says, "You're never going to catch me
[31:32] joining a time share." You're never
[31:34] going to catch me timing. I think that's
[31:36] going to be you.
[31:36] No, it's definitely you.
[31:38] Was that me? That was from the video.
[31:40] That was when we went to Hawaii for the
[31:42] first time. Start of
[31:43] 201 free luau.
[31:45] And to get a free luau, we did a time
[31:47] share meeting and it was a horrible
[31:48] experience.
[31:49] One thing my spouse would never do is
[31:51] What would you say?
[31:52] What did I just think of this one? I was
[31:54] like, join a time share.
[31:55] You're never going to catch me joining a
[31:58] time share. I hate time shares. They're
[32:00] a waste of time. They're waste of money.
[32:02] It was Matt saying it and this is
[32:04] clipped
[32:05] from the unplanned podcast, but but that
[32:08] might be what we were talking about.
[32:08] That's definitely what we were talking
[32:09] about.
[32:10] Let me tell you something. I could
[32:12] definitely be conned into joining a a
[32:14] time share.
[32:15] Don't ever do that.
[32:16] Someone could tell me all the deals and
[32:18] all the perks. I'd be like, "That sounds
[32:20] like a heck of a deal."
[32:22] it like
[32:23] you could catch me joining a time share
[32:25] if I wasn't married to someone that is
[32:28] shares are so hard to get out of and
[32:30] they try to act like it's like an
[32:32] investment like they they salespeople in
[32:35] time share meetings are so good at what
[32:37] they do. They have an opener that's like
[32:39] all warm and fuzzy and like brings you
[32:41] cookies and drinks and gets you all
[32:44] excited and then they have
[32:45] Yeah, we had like Pog juice.
[32:47] Yeah. And then they have the next person
[32:48] that comes in maybe even champagne
[32:50] and puts the pressure on. They've got
[32:51] like the next level of sales and then if
[32:53] you don't they've got the the a-hole guy
[32:56] that comes in and just
[32:57] I'll never forget that guy
[32:59] really lays it on. Like goes like why
[33:00] didn't you sign?
[33:01] You're like we don't we don't have any
[33:03] money.
[33:03] Yeah. We kind of did lie about our
[33:05] income to do that time share meeting. It
[33:06] said you have to make at least $75,000 a
[33:08] year and I think our married filing
[33:10] jointly tax return
[33:11] was like 13,000.
[33:13] Yeah. Yeah. It was like 11,900.
[33:16] So we could not afford.
[33:18] We were like we definitely make 75. We
[33:20] just wanted the free luau. And honestly,
[33:21] the luau was a lot of fun.
[33:22] Oh my gosh, it was worth it.
[33:23] It did get rained out, so we had to go
[33:24] inside and it wasn't outside,
[33:26] but you know, we got to eat some pork.
[33:28] Yeah, there's some good food.
[33:30] Uh, this one says, "You were such a
[33:31] little player."
[33:33] I definitely called you a player.
[33:34] You definitely called me a player.
[33:35] You were cuz you sang. I bet I was
[33:37] referring to you singing to girls at
[33:39] football games in high school.
[33:45] Gosh, that's such a little player.
[33:49] That makes me sad to watch. Like I miss
[33:51] those days.
[33:53] This is a reaction video and Abby said
[33:55] it.
[33:56] It was reacting. That's right. Cuz I we
[33:58] reacting to the video of me singing
[33:59] Baby, which is posted on YouTube from
[34:02] when I was 12.
[34:03] Oh, that's from that video.
[34:04] I was 13, guys. I really thought that
[34:07] posting one video of me singing was
[34:08] going to get me discovered like Justin.
[34:10] Yeah. Well, you were also 13, so I mean,
[34:15] life is just
[34:16] You learn a lot. You learn a lot. Okay.
[34:19] Well, we got those. All right.
[34:21] We did.
[34:21] We know each other pretty well. Now, we
[34:23] are going to move into best or worst
[34:27] relationship advice. And we actually
[34:29] pulled you guys on the Unplanned podcast
[34:30] Instagram. If you're not already
[34:32] following us there or engaging with our
[34:34] post there, it's really, really fun when
[34:36] you do because we get to hear from you
[34:38] on the podcast and it's just fun to
[34:41] interact in that way and kind of,
[34:42] I don't know, build this community out
[34:44] some more. Um, so we pulled you guys for
[34:46] the best and worst relationship advice
[34:48] you've ever received. Let's start with
[34:49] the worst. Get the
[34:50] worst advice ever. Go.
[34:53] What do you think our First of all, what
[34:54] do you think our worst advice we ever
[34:55] received was? Something comes to mind
[34:56] for me.
[34:57] I actually can't think of it. What What
[34:59] was it?
[34:59] This was advice we received when we were
[35:01] dating and it really stuck out in our
[35:03] minds. They were like because we wanted
[35:05] to get married and we were uh sitting
[35:09] down with someone that was married but
[35:12] they were like trying to tell us why we
[35:13] should wait to get married and they were
[35:15] telling us that we should be selfish.
[35:17] Oh yeah.
[35:18] For a little while longer.
[35:19] Be selfish for a little bit longer.
[35:20] I just don't think that Here's my here's
[35:23] my argument against that. I see where
[35:26] they're coming from because it totally
[35:28] changes your life to when you're like
[35:30] considering somebody else in literally
[35:32] basically everything, every major
[35:34] decision you do, all those things. But I
[35:36] don't think that selflessness is
[35:37] something you can just turn on. I think
[35:39] that dating is the time to practice
[35:42] selflessness.
[35:43] And so you're getting deep.
[35:45] No, I Well, all of my things I prepared
[35:47] for this episode are actually kind of
[35:48] deep.
[35:49] Oh, okay. I'm
[35:50] so I'm sorry. I don't know. I was
[35:51] excited.
[35:52] I take this seriously. Um, but I think
[35:56] it's something that you have to
[35:56] practice. So, I'm like, I don't think
[35:58] that that's necessarily good advice to
[35:59] give to someone while they're dating,
[36:01] especially if they're dating seriously,
[36:02] like talking about engagement. I don't
[36:04] think you say just put it all off. Be
[36:07] selfish a little longer. I think that's
[36:09] something you kind of have to start
[36:10] exercising before you get married.
[36:13] That's just my opinion. But here's what
[36:15] you guys said. The number one worst
[36:16] advice is don't say I love you too often
[36:18] because it loses value.
[36:20] I've heard that, too. I've heard that
[36:22] piece of advice, too.
[36:23] We say I love you all the time. We say
[36:25] it so often.
[36:26] Yeah, we do.
[36:27] And why why would you not say it? That's
[36:29] what I'm saying. If you feel like it,
[36:31] just say it.
[36:32] Well, here's my other piece of advice
[36:33] that I think is a little bit I disagree
[36:36] with when I hear it. Okay.
[36:37] Now, I think there's probably a good
[36:38] argument against it.
[36:39] What is it?
[36:40] But people tell people to wait to say I
[36:41] love you.
[36:44] And I get why, but this maybe just says
[36:47] something about my personality.
[36:50] You never know what happened. what's
[36:51] going to happen in life. Me getting so
[36:53] deep again. You never know what's going
[36:54] to happen in life. So, I think it would
[36:56] be such a shame if you if you were loved
[36:59] by somebody and you didn't know it.
[37:01] Like if I would have died in a car
[37:02] accident and you never told me I you
[37:04] love what I'm saying.
[37:05] Here you go.
[37:06] I'm just saying just say if you love
[37:08] someone just tell them it's way too
[37:11] short. And
[37:12] yeah, there was somebody Sorry to
[37:13] interrupt.
[37:14] I tell my friends I love them.
[37:15] There was somebody that posted a video
[37:17] about how they did they Oh gosh, I'm
[37:21] botching this so bad. You saw a video on
[37:23] social media about somebody that lost
[37:24] their boyfriend in a car wreck
[37:27] and they were basically saying exactly
[37:29] what you're saying now, which is to say
[37:30] I love you.
[37:31] I'm going to pee
[37:31] because you never know when
[37:33] Yeah. That's why I always think it like
[37:35] that, which is probably not a good way
[37:36] to think, but gosh, you'll never catch
[37:38] me not saying I love you if I love
[37:40] someone. So
[37:41] Mhm. And that's why we have to say it to
[37:42] each other every night before we go to
[37:43] bed.
[37:44] Yeah. Do you guys know this about me? If
[37:46] I literally if we like say good night,
[37:49] love you, and then say we just start
[37:51] talking about something else and it's
[37:52] like, "Oh, by the way, like tomorrow,
[37:54] blah blah." Then it's like quiet for a
[37:56] little bit. I'm like, "Good night, love
[37:58] you." It has to be the last thing I say.
[38:01] I've been this way since I was a kid.
[38:02] It's like a freakish thing. Like if my
[38:04] parents like would like come in and say
[38:07] something after we'd gone to bed, I'd be
[38:09] like, "N, love you." AND BE LIKE, "LOVE
[38:12] YOU." OH, like I needed to hear it
[38:14] again. Like I just needed to hear it a
[38:16] lot. So maybe that's where I'm coming
[38:18] from.
[38:19] Next advice says, "Even postpartum, you
[38:21] need to make sure your husband doesn't
[38:23] lose interest."
[38:25] Make sure your husband doesn't lose
[38:27] interest.
[38:28] I think they're talking about like sex
[38:30] appeal.
[38:31] Oh goodness,
[38:32] that's so messed up.
[38:35] No, no, no, no, no. That is not your
[38:37] job, honey. Postpartum. You have a lot
[38:38] of other jobs at that point. That is not
[38:40] your job.
[38:41] That's right. That is not your job.
[38:43] Yeah. I I think you know there's nothing
[38:45] wrong with wanting to like
[38:47] postpartum. It's just not
[38:50] that's not the that's not the focus.
[38:53] Yeah.
[38:53] Yeah.
[38:54] Also, just here in general, it's really
[38:56] not you need to make sure your husband
[38:59] doesn't lose interest.
[39:01] Yeah.
[39:01] Like that's like I think you can do
[39:02] things obviously to like keep spark
[39:05] alive, keep passion, but ultimately
[39:08] don't put that on yourself, honey. Gosh.
[39:11] Next one is men are like cars. You need
[39:14] to test drive them before you decide to
[39:16] keep them. That's on worst advice.
[39:20] And that's that's on worst advice.
[39:24] Yeah, that's on good advice.
[39:26] I think you should make out a little
[39:27] bit, you know, make at least make sure
[39:28] they're a good kisser. You know,
[39:30] might as well kiss.
[39:31] I feel like we definitely heard test
[39:32] driving cars. We we we heard uh bringing
[39:35] sand to the beach.
[39:36] Yeah, we heard that one.
[39:37] We didn't follow any of those advices.
[39:39] Yeah, we
[39:41] I do I do agree that that is bad advice.
[39:43] Yeah. Yeah.
[39:46] Next one.
[39:47] Next one we have is um Oh my gosh, I
[39:50] can't believe this is real. Keep a
[39:52] secret bank account in case your husband
[39:54] leaves you.
[39:56] And a lot of people do this,
[39:57] actually.
[39:58] Yeah.
[39:58] You're kidding me.
[40:01] Have you ever listened to anything on
[40:02] Ramsay?
[40:03] No way.
[40:04] Yeah. Actually, I know I have a friend's
[40:06] parent that did that.
[40:08] No way. Yeah.
[40:09] Did their husband leave them?
[40:10] Nope.
[40:11] Oh.
[40:11] When their husband ended up finding out
[40:13] about it, he started giving her money to
[40:15] put in her special bank account.
[40:18] I think that's sweet.
[40:19] That's actually really sweet.
[40:21] Oh my god.
[40:22] And he was like, "Your mom's loaded."
[40:26] That's sweet.
[40:27] I think that's really sweet. I think
[40:29] that could have gone a couple ways. And
[40:31] I think that just shows that they were
[40:32] really solid.
[40:33] Yeah, that I I like I like that the
[40:36] husband had that reaction. Um, you know,
[40:40] I I just I just think first of all, yes,
[40:44] you got to you got to make sure you're
[40:45] protected. Like, I think it's important
[40:47] to have have like all that. I mean, I
[40:49] think, okay, let me get on my soap box
[40:51] here for a second. Boy, this is why
[40:52] marriage is important because if you
[40:54] let's say you're a stay-at-home spouse,
[40:56] I'm saying stay at home spouse because
[40:58] there's a lot of people that are stay at
[40:59] home dads now. It's not just like a mom
[41:01] thing like we're, you know, there's a
[41:02] lot of like
[41:04] different ways that people manage a
[41:05] household. And if you're the one staying
[41:08] home and managing the household, but
[41:10] you're not married.
[41:11] Now, if you split up, you are screwed.
[41:14] If you've not been working a job, like
[41:15] you you're going to have to make some
[41:17] huge adjustments.
[41:18] And so, if you're married, protect,
[41:20] you're protected. Marriage protects you.
[41:22] Um, when it comes to finances, it's
[41:24] mainly like think of marriage almost as
[41:26] a business decision. It's honestly like
[41:28] a business decision really, when it
[41:30] comes down to it.
[41:30] Alimony.
[41:31] Alimony.
[41:33] Yeah, it's alimony. What even? Remind me
[41:36] of what alimony is.
[41:37] That's exactly what you're talking
[41:38] about,
[41:39] right? I don't know. We're not divorced.
[41:42] This is so bad. This is so bad.
[41:44] That's when you get checks from your ex.
[41:46] Alimony is when you Okay. They Yes. Yes.
[41:48] Yeah.
[41:48] Um
[41:49] but it's not child support.
[41:51] Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't even know what's
[41:54] the difference between alimony and child
[41:55] support.
[41:56] Alimony is for you.
[41:58] Child support is for the child.
[41:59] How do you know this? And how do I not
[42:01] know this?
[42:02] We just talked
[42:02] We just talked about this at family
[42:04] dinner. Ah, wait. Why did you guys talk
[42:05] about this?
[42:06] Cuz I'm I'm getting some ducks in a row.
[42:08] What is goodness?
[42:10] I think I don't know what we were
[42:12] talking about. I actually don't I know
[42:12] what we were talking about, but I don't
[42:13] want to say it. So
[42:14] now I'm so that like I'm I'm going to be
[42:17] real right now. Like I feel I feel so
[42:19] stupid for for not knowing alimony.
[42:21] No, you don't need to. I mean we had a
[42:23] whole conversation because we disagreed
[42:25] on what alimony was. So Matt, I think
[42:27] you were there.
[42:29] I think you were there.
[42:30] I was there?
[42:31] Yeah, you were there for sure. When was
[42:33] this
[42:34] family dinner like a couple weeks ago?
[42:36] Oh goodness, that's bad.
[42:37] I'm not surprised. It's okay.
[42:39] Anyway, um yeah, get married. You know,
[42:43] if you're having if you're especially if
[42:44] you're having kids, get married.
[42:47] You're protected.
[42:48] I mean, and in Arizona, too, like here's
[42:50] the other thing. Like everything's
[42:51] everything's 50/50 here. So, your spouse
[42:54] could have like, you know, XYZ in their
[42:57] name. Doesn't matter. You still get half
[42:59] if you're married.
[43:00] Booyah.
[43:00] Booya. Next question. Next worst bit of
[43:04] advice is he only cheated once, so don't
[43:07] bother breaking up. I I've got a
[43:10] He only cheated once, so don't break up.
[43:12] Pretty. Yeah. I I don't think I don't
[43:15] think that's good.
[43:16] Well, I would like to know more of this
[43:18] poor person's story. Probably what
[43:22] didn't end at once.
[43:24] Yeah. I feel like a lot of people that
[43:25] cheat have probably done it before.
[43:27] Well, you know what they say? What?
[43:29] You need to completely The only way to
[43:31] make it work. I do think that someone
[43:32] could cheat and you could make it work
[43:34] again.
[43:34] Yeah,
[43:35] you just need to completely
[43:38] scrap everything you had before and
[43:39] rebuild it. And then I think the person
[43:41] that got cheated on gets to make the
[43:43] rules for a while there.
[43:45] I think that's
[43:46] of like you can't
[43:49] go in public without me. I don't know.
[43:51] They're allowed to do that. They're
[43:53] allowed to. Thank you to Factor for
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[45:28] is marry your first one for love and
[45:31] then marry for money.
[45:34] Not a bad idea.
[45:36] I'm just kidding.
[45:38] You know
[45:39] why do you read it? You read it in a way
[45:40] that it's hard to understand it, but it
[45:42] makes sense when I like think about the
[45:43] words, but your inflection confused me.
[45:45] I'm sorry. I don't know.
[45:47] They're talking about marry your first
[45:48] spouse for love.
[45:49] Okay.
[45:49] And marry your second spouse for money.
[45:51] Got it. Why would you do that? What?
[45:53] Like, what is the rationale there?
[45:56] So, it's just more of a financial
[45:59] Why would you plan to get married twice?
[46:02] It's bad. That's why it's bad advice.
[46:05] It's bad advice.
[46:07] I'm just still I know it's bad advice.
[46:08] I'm just trying to understand like where
[46:10] this where's this person even coming
[46:11] from you know
[46:12] like you get a love
[46:14] and then you get taken care of.
[46:17] Ah
[46:18] like maybe you've been there done that
[46:20] had the love experience and then it's
[46:22] like ah
[46:23] yeah there's a lot of bad advice and
[46:27] honestly good advice for one person can
[46:30] be bad advice for another person too.
[46:32] Oh boy
[46:33] that was something that I just thought
[46:35] of. So
[46:36] that just blew my mind. I can't even
[46:38] think about that.
[46:39] Next one is he will change for you.
[46:42] That's really actually not good. That
[46:44] that is actually truly bad advice.
[46:46] Yeah. I think if you're in a
[46:47] relationship trying to change somebody
[46:49] like like you need to be aligned from
[46:52] say you can't date a project.
[46:54] Yeah. Yeah. Dating a project
[46:55] certainly can't marry a project.
[46:57] Yeah.
[46:58] I think in relationships you should bend
[47:00] and mold to each other.
[47:03] Uhhuh. But that's a totally different
[47:06] thing than like, oh, he needs to do X,
[47:09] Y, and Z so then he can be the perfect
[47:10] partner for me. Never go to sleep angry.
[47:14] And then I think this is theirs them
[47:15] saying we've got to think rationally and
[47:18] surely that requires sleep.
[47:19] Yeah, I'm going to I'm going to agree. I
[47:21] think I think that going to sleep angry
[47:24] is actually okay.
[47:26] Yeah, honestly, I never would have said
[47:28] that, but maybe in the past few months,
[47:30] yes. Something about being pregnant and
[47:33] like in being in the third trimester
[47:34] takes really takes the wind out of my
[47:36] sails for a fight at night. I used to
[47:38] have so much wind in my sails at night
[47:39] time.
[47:42] There's no more wind. I'm like, "You're
[47:44] right. Now I'm going to bed.
[47:47] Put mama to bed right now." Um, so no, I
[47:50] think that is actually yeah, probably
[47:51] bad advice, but we probably got that
[47:54] advice as well. Someone told me, "Don't
[47:56] apologize because if you do, you lost."
[47:59] Oh boy.
[48:01] That's not good.
[48:03] Yeah, if you're going into a
[48:05] disagreement with the goal to win,
[48:07] you've already lost.
[48:08] I I already have an image of the type of
[48:10] person who would say this in my head,
[48:12] and I just really wish I would ever be
[48:14] able to figure out who gave this advice.
[48:16] The final worst advice is follow your
[48:18] heart.
[48:20] Follow your heart.
[48:21] Um,
[48:22] why do I like that advice though?
[48:24] Yeah. Know, I'm like
[48:25] I think it's good to follow your heart.
[48:27] I like following my heart. really
[48:29] following my heart, too.
[48:30] My heart led me to you.
[48:31] That's what I'm saying. We followed our
[48:33] hearts, so here we are.
[48:34] Worked out.
[48:35] Um, let's move on to best advice.
[48:37] Yeah, that's good.
[48:38] Never stop flirting. Been together since
[48:40] 14, 23 years now, and we still feel like
[48:42] teens.
[48:43] I think that's good.
[48:44] That's great advice. I think that's
[48:45] cute. I think a little fun text, a
[48:48] little
[48:48] Yeah,
[48:49] I don't know. Give him a little
[48:50] surprise. You get me flowers. I think
[48:52] that's cute.
[48:52] Keep the love the romance alive.
[48:54] This one says, "Don't fight in the
[48:56] bedroom. That's your place of rest and
[48:57] your body keeps the score. Oh, that's
[49:00] good advice.
[49:02] Yeah,
[49:02] I think I need to apply that.
[49:04] That's good.
[49:05] This one says, "Love isn't finding the
[49:06] perfect person. It's choosing the same
[49:08] person over and over again."
[49:10] That's cute.
[49:11] I agree. That's beautiful.
[49:12] That's cute.
[49:13] Totally agree with that one. This one
[49:14] says, "Have sex with your husband often.
[49:17] Everything will be better."
[49:18] I love that advice.
[49:22] Uh, next piece of advice says separate
[49:25] toothpaste. We share toothpaste often.
[49:28] What's wrong with separate? What's wrong
[49:29] with the same toothpaste?
[49:30] Well, I feel like a lot of people a
[49:32] common like early marriage fight is like
[49:34] how they what they do with their
[49:36] toothpaste.
[49:37] Why would people fight about that?
[49:38] We I don't know.
[49:41] We like that was like the whole toilet
[49:43] paper thing. Fighting about that,
[49:44] fighting about toothpaste, all of that.
[49:46] We've never once
[49:48] we've only fought about the serious
[49:49] stuff.
[49:51] I'm just kidding.
[49:53] And like jokingly, I'll get on you about
[49:55] using my toothbrush.
[49:56] I I don't think we really get on each
[49:57] other about like life habit things.
[50:00] I don't really care.
[50:01] I do think after 10 years, you kind of
[50:02] just give get over it, you know?
[50:04] Yeah.
[50:04] This next piece of user submitted best
[50:06] advice is it's got to be so easy at the
[50:09] beginning and if it's not, it's not
[50:10] worth your time.
[50:11] I think that's good. If you're in a
[50:12] relationship and from the start it's
[50:14] rough, things aren't working out, might
[50:16] not be a good one to say. do kind of
[50:18] think that when people have major
[50:19] conflicts early on in dating, I'm kind
[50:21] of like, "Oh boy,
[50:22] buckle up." The only caveat is if life
[50:24] is giving you a lot of hard
[50:25] circumstances at that time
[50:28] and it's not necessarily the
[50:29] relationship that's causing like say one
[50:30] of you goes through a loss. Yeah.
[50:32] Like early on in dating, that'll make it
[50:34] hard on your relationship, but it
[50:35] doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad
[50:36] relationship.
[50:37] I agree. I think so much of
[50:38] relationships is timing and so maybe
[50:40] that relationship could work out in the
[50:41] future but I think right now you know
[50:44] they're this the person that you're
[50:45] talking to might need to like figure out
[50:47] their life stuff and you know in that
[50:49] season that
[50:50] could bond you really quickly too.
[50:52] It could. You're right. I mean I guess
[50:53] if you're obsessed with this person and
[50:54] you're willing to walk through that with
[50:57] them
[50:58] at that time you could probably speed up
[51:00] that process.
[51:01] It would speed up the bonding. You're
[51:02] right.
[51:03] This one says never vent to your family
[51:04] about your partner. I think that's good
[51:07] advice.
[51:08] Yeah.
[51:08] And I think you also need to be careful
[51:09] about your friends, too.
[51:10] You don't need grandma and your mom like
[51:13] hating your partner because
[51:14] it just puts them in a bad position,
[51:16] too, cuz like they probably want to
[51:17] speak life into your marriage, but then
[51:18] it's like, oh, but I'm also always
[51:21] in your corner being your mom, your
[51:24] grand, you know?
[51:24] Exactly.
[51:25] Um, yeah, you just have to be careful.
[51:27] You always want to be championing your
[51:29] loved one.
[51:30] Yeah.
[51:30] You know, um, be with someone who loves
[51:33] you more than you love them. That's
[51:35] sweet.
[51:37] Is it though?
[51:38] Is that good advice?
[51:40] I don't know. I don't know if you can
[51:42] measure love like that.
[51:43] It's probably best to try to one up the
[51:45] other person. I think it's best to try
[51:47] to be giving in more like
[51:49] I love you more.
[51:50] It's like that quote don't. It's not
[51:52] about what you can do for your country.
[51:54] It's not about what your country can do
[51:56] for you. It's about what you can do for
[51:57] your country.
[51:58] Thank you.
[51:58] And let's apply that to marriage. And so
[52:01] I actually Yeah, I don't think that's
[52:02] actually good advice because I feel like
[52:03] they should say like what do they say?
[52:05] Oh, I think this is a John Deloney
[52:06] thing, but they're like marriage should
[52:08] be a race to outserve one another.
[52:10] That's good. I like that.
[52:12] And so I feel like that might be
[52:14] I like that
[52:14] counterproductive. This one says have
[52:17] deep talks frequently so when hard
[52:18] things come up it's easier to talk about
[52:20] them.
[52:21] I don't know about that one.
[52:22] I don't think you should talk about deep
[52:23] I think you should keep it light.
[52:25] Yeah. Sometimes when you're having too
[52:26] many deep combos it's like what are we
[52:27] even doing? Like how about we just talk
[52:29] about some fun stuff, you know?
[52:31] Cuz ultimately I feel like marriage is a
[52:33] lot about companionship.
[52:35] Yeah.
[52:35] And like being friends and buddies,
[52:37] having fun,
[52:38] having small talk and just like laughing
[52:39] and being s like
[52:40] if you can't have fun together, you
[52:42] might want to find somebody else.
[52:44] Well, if you're married, we that's a
[52:45] different conversation.
[52:46] Then you got to refine Well, I think
[52:47] like you need to know that you can have
[52:49] fun together from the start.
[52:51] You need to know that you you are able
[52:53] to have deep conversations.
[52:54] Yeah.
[52:55] Um that's extremely important. But I
[52:57] don't think intentionally having deep
[52:59] talks often is necessarily the direction
[53:04] because I do know I do know some you
[53:06] know I know couples like that where I'm
[53:07] like oh no they're having another
[53:10] like super deep
[53:11] super deep feeling thing
[53:12] late night yeah
[53:14] late night feelers.
[53:15] Yeah.
[53:15] The last one says love is a verb. I
[53:18] believe that especially as someone that
[53:20] my love language is acts of service.
[53:22] I believe that love is a verb. Show me
[53:25] you love me. Do you know what that
[53:26] means? Matt, love is a verb.
[53:27] No.
[53:28] Like a verb is like an action word.
[53:31] Mhm.
[53:32] It's like not a feeling.
[53:33] You're taking action with with the love.
[53:35] You're doing things. You're you're do
[53:38] it. You're planning.
[53:39] So now you're taking it a different
[53:40] direction.
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[55:28] What are we to say? What's good advice
[55:30] and what's bad advice? But we surely are
[55:33] going to say what we think is good
[55:34] advice. Well, really we're going to just
[55:35] talk about what we personally have
[55:37] learned through our own experience of
[55:38] being together for a decade.
[55:40] Yeah,
[55:40] we each came up with five. So, we would
[55:42] have 10 things we've learned from 10
[55:45] years together.
[55:46] That's right.
[55:46] That's pretty sweet.
[55:48] Yeah. Should I go first?
[55:50] Yeah. I'm really curious what you put in
[55:52] yours.
[55:52] My first advice is make friends with
[55:57] other married couples. Your problems
[55:59] aren't unique.
[56:00] That was really good.
[56:02] So, one of my favorite things about
[56:05] having couple friends is that they will
[56:07] talk about the real stuff they're going
[56:09] through in their life. and I will also
[56:12] do the same. And it's so connective and
[56:16] enlightening to realize, oh my gosh,
[56:19] my I I'm I'm not alone in this. Like
[56:22] this the hard things I'm dealing with,
[56:24] you know, when it comes to kids or when
[56:26] it comes to maybe a marriage problem
[56:28] that came up. Everybody's going through
[56:31] the same thing,
[56:32] right? Everybody is. Especially when it
[56:35] comes to the newborn stage, that can be
[56:37] really tough. and you know I've been
[56:40] able to show up for my friends that have
[56:42] been through some difficult times there
[56:45] and same thing you know on on the flip
[56:47] side. So I don't know I think it's just
[56:50] very comforting to know that you're not
[56:52] alone. It's very comforting to know that
[56:55] um
[56:57] I mean yeah just just not being alone is
[56:59] is huge.
[57:00] That's so good be we I'm actually going
[57:02] to say that that was a deep combo we had
[57:04] last night. So we are hypocrites. Last
[57:06] night we were brushing our teeth was
[57:08] when we talked about this because when I
[57:09] said like we I didn't say this like in a
[57:13] like just I was like talking about how
[57:15] important it is to have community cuz
[57:17] you realize your problems aren't unique.
[57:18] Yeah.
[57:19] And just like with having like we said a
[57:21] lot of friends that are married like
[57:22] talking about marriage and like things
[57:24] that they're going through, things that
[57:25] we've gone through like it's so
[57:29] like it's not like we're having like a
[57:30] gripe session. We're all just like down
[57:32] afterwards. It's like, oh, okay. I feel
[57:34] like,
[57:35] you know, it's not it's not all over.
[57:37] It's not all lost. Like, we're getting
[57:39] through it. We're going to get through
[57:40] it. We can get advice from each other.
[57:42] Talk it out. I feel like we have like
[57:45] It's also nice to hear like, "Oh, your
[57:47] husband does that, too." Okay. Like your
[57:49] your wife does that, too? Okay.
[57:51] And something that I told Abby, and
[57:53] being completely honest, you guys, we've
[57:55] vlogged multiple trips that we've been
[57:56] on before. We're going to, you know,
[57:58] take a hiatus from traveling with a
[58:00] newborn. Um, we we vlogged our trip to
[58:02] Tahoe. We vlogged our trip to um, Maui.
[58:06] And then we did some social media, some
[58:08] some short form videos of our trip to
[58:11] Dest, Florida. And I told Abby that the
[58:13] trip that I enjoyed the most was the one
[58:16] with our friends because we're all in a
[58:19] very similar life stage and have little
[58:21] kids.
[58:21] We have little kids that were able to
[58:23] play together the whole time and it was
[58:25] just it was just great. Like it was I I
[58:27] just really enjoyed getting to hang with
[58:29] other dads. We were able to like play
[58:31] board games together.
[58:32] Like staying in the same house, you're
[58:34] like, "Oh, we all live the same life."
[58:35] The moms would do hot mom walks while
[58:37] the dads would play kitan.
[58:40] I called them humid mom walks.
[58:41] Humid. Oh, yeah. Those so humid in
[58:43] Florida.
[58:44] Florida. Wow.
[58:45] Yeah.
[58:46] Which honestly I think I felt hotter
[58:49] like
[58:50] in Florida.
[58:50] Yeah. With it could be 82 degrees in
[58:53] Florida, but that to me felt hotter than
[58:55] like 105 in Phoenix.
[58:57] Yeah.
[58:57] Because of that humidity. It's It's
[58:59] crazy.
[58:59] It's like you're literally in a bowl of
[59:01] soup.
[59:02] Yeah.
[59:02] Anyway, that was a good one. Should we
[59:04] take turns?
[59:05] Yeah. Okay. Now, now you go up.
[59:06] I actually did mine a little bit wrong,
[59:09] but it's really It's going to work out
[59:10] just fine.
[59:11] What's What's your
[59:12] I'm going to do Well, cuz we said things
[59:13] I learned. So, I'm kind of just saying
[59:15] like things I messed up.
[59:16] Yeah.
[59:16] That I've like now learned to like try
[59:18] to correct.
[59:19] Okay.
[59:19] So, one of the things I did wrong that
[59:21] I've learned is that I didn't prioritize
[59:24] my marriage after starting our family.
[59:26] Wow. And I feel like this is one of
[59:28] those that it's like you hear this
[59:31] advice and then you almost in my
[59:34] experience I I just had to live it to
[59:36] know what that was like actually like
[59:39] because the experience of like becoming
[59:42] a mom that identity shift like literally
[59:45] changed my brain so much that I like
[59:48] feel like
[59:50] in one thing that's exactly what was
[59:51] supposed to happen. that's completely
[59:53] natural and it's was like, you know,
[59:56] it's a biological thing that takes
[59:58] place. But I don't think I put the
[01:00:00] things in place to just be like, okay,
[01:00:01] wait, like the reason we had kids is
[01:00:05] because we love each other so much. And
[01:00:08] so like I feel like I completely like
[01:00:12] mentally cut you out of the picture for
[01:00:14] a little bit there and had to really re
[01:00:16] like course correct once like the dust
[01:00:19] settled which is like obviously they
[01:00:20] there's a time and a place for that cuz
[01:00:22] like those newborn babies have such
[01:00:24] pressing needs. They need their mom so
[01:00:26] much in that beginning time that it was
[01:00:29] completely overwhelming to me. And so
[01:00:31] I'm not talking about in the fresh weeks
[01:00:32] but I was like it took me months really
[01:00:33] to just be like oh my gosh I freaking
[01:00:36] love you. like this is why we did this
[01:00:38] in the first place.
[01:00:40] And so that was a learning curve
[01:00:41] and there's even research to back that
[01:00:43] up. So people are saying now that
[01:00:46] postpartum I guess this I think this has
[01:00:49] been like known for a while but I think
[01:00:52] it's becoming more publicly known that
[01:00:54] postpartum isn't something that just
[01:00:55] happens in the first you know couple
[01:00:57] weeks or a couple months. Postpartum
[01:00:59] lasts for years literally up to two
[01:01:02] years from the research that I've done.
[01:01:05] you know that that's how long postpartum
[01:01:07] lasts.
[01:01:08] It's one of those things it's like you
[01:01:09] can hear it before but it's really hard
[01:01:11] to apply until you're in it.
[01:01:13] That's wonderful. Thanks for sharing
[01:01:14] that.
[01:01:15] Thank you, baby. I love how you just
[01:01:16] said wonderful.
[01:01:17] My next one is this is kind of goes
[01:01:19] right along with yours. It's do not
[01:01:22] consider divorce for two years after
[01:01:24] having a baby.
[01:01:28] I think that's great.
[01:01:30] It's just hard, man. Like your
[01:01:32] relationship will not be the same after
[01:01:34] having kids. That's true.
[01:01:35] It's It puts a lot of stress on the
[01:01:37] marriage and the amount of people that
[01:01:40] do get divorced pretty quickly after
[01:01:43] having kids baffles me, you know.
[01:01:45] Yeah.
[01:01:46] Say it can
[01:01:47] or
[01:01:48] some people have a really smooth time,
[01:01:50] you know, and God bless them.
[01:01:52] Yeah, that great for them. Great for
[01:01:54] them. But um
[01:01:56] God bless America. I just I just see it
[01:01:59] time and time again with people having
[01:02:01] kids and you can just you can just tell
[01:02:04] like it it doesn't ma you could be doing
[01:02:06] everything right. The marriage is just
[01:02:08] in a in a tough spot because you have
[01:02:11] sleep deprivation. You have hormones
[01:02:13] that have changed. You have a a a new
[01:02:16] life that is fully reliant on the two of
[01:02:18] you. I should also say that we spent
[01:02:20] every waking hour together since we got
[01:02:23] married
[01:02:24] and then we had a kid and then we were
[01:02:26] like split. You know what I mean? Like
[01:02:29] it probably hit us harder too cuz we
[01:02:30] like spent literally every minute of
[01:02:33] every day together always.
[01:02:34] Yeah.
[01:02:35] So,
[01:02:36] but that's good. That's a good one. My
[01:02:39] second one um is I said lacking humility
[01:02:44] because I think that um a lot of times
[01:02:48] when we'd experience conflict I remember
[01:02:50] like consciously thinking in my head
[01:02:52] like if I say sorry like kind of like
[01:02:55] what that person said if I say sorry
[01:02:58] then that is just that's putting me as
[01:03:01] the loser and then him as the winner and
[01:03:03] I just was like no can't let that happen
[01:03:06] and especially like just thinking of oh
[01:03:09] my gosh, I feel like always like always
[01:03:11] say sorry. I'm I shouldn't say sorry
[01:03:13] this time or just like overthinking it.
[01:03:15] It's like okay no if you mess up say
[01:03:17] sorry. And then another piece of advice
[01:03:19] I got that was really really good that I
[01:03:21] think is great relationship advice is if
[01:03:24] you can't say sorry like genuinely like
[01:03:26] for like for this thing that happened
[01:03:29] cuz if you're like okay I still don't
[01:03:30] think that I did this wrong then say
[01:03:33] you're then a good thing to do is you
[01:03:35] can say hey I'm sorry like I I feel like
[01:03:37] I would use the thing like okay last
[01:03:39] night was weird I didn't like how that
[01:03:40] went down like I'm sorry basically
[01:03:43] saying like I'm sorry the situation
[01:03:44] turned out like how it was. And I feel
[01:03:46] like that is just a really good I think
[01:03:48] it does the opposite of what I thought
[01:03:50] in my head. I thought it would put you
[01:03:52] as the winner and me as the loser. But I
[01:03:53] feel like saying sorry kind of evens the
[01:03:55] playing field a little bit. Like it's
[01:03:58] like okay cuz then your your defenses go
[01:04:00] down where you're like okay she is like
[01:04:02] humbled herself to say sorry. And then
[01:04:04] for me I'm like that was hard to say and
[01:04:07] now like I I can now that I've said
[01:04:10] sorry I can move on and do differently
[01:04:12] and be better. And so I think in general
[01:04:15] like relationships are I always say like
[01:04:17] parenting was like such an exercise in
[01:04:20] selflessness but I think relationships
[01:04:21] are such an exercise in humility.
[01:04:24] And um I think once again humility is
[01:04:27] one of those things that like as a
[01:04:29] single person you can only
[01:04:33] you can only strengthen that so much.
[01:04:35] But being in marriage together and
[01:04:37] walking through life like completely as
[01:04:39] one like that, that is where you are
[01:04:41] like truly experiencing humility. I feel
[01:04:44] What do you think about changing yours
[01:04:45] to say sorry often?
[01:04:47] Yeah, say sorry often.
[01:04:50] Is that Do you think that like sums it
[01:04:51] up?
[01:04:51] I think that sums it up.
[01:04:52] Okay.
[01:04:53] For the records, change mine.
[01:04:55] Number two. All right.
[01:04:56] Say sorry often.
[01:04:58] This next one,
[01:04:59] you know that that was my relationship
[01:05:00] advice on always here.
[01:05:02] Really? Yeah. I think I heard you say
[01:05:03] that. Yeah. Yeah.
[01:05:04] Okay. Next one is fornicate frequently.
[01:05:09] Who's surprised that you freaking said
[01:05:10] that?
[01:05:11] When that came up in the uh in the best
[01:05:13] advice, I thought that was hilarious cuz
[01:05:15] that was hilarious.
[01:05:16] Cuz you're like, I already wrote that
[01:05:16] down.
[01:05:17] I literally wrote that down.
[01:05:18] I think it's good advice.
[01:05:21] Yeah. I was I was trying to think of
[01:05:24] like a funny way to say it. I was like I
[01:05:26] don't know.
[01:05:26] I give that advice to people often,
[01:05:28] honestly.
[01:05:29] Really? You do?
[01:05:29] I do. If if you're if you have a friend
[01:05:32] that's having marriage troubles, you're
[01:05:33] like, "Just do it."
[01:05:35] I don't try to give that blanket advice.
[01:05:39] Okay.
[01:05:40] But it comes up often.
[01:05:41] I feel like it's hard to have hatred for
[01:05:43] somebody
[01:05:44] like a after doing that, you know?
[01:05:47] Yeah. It's a practice and it's a
[01:05:50] practice and
[01:05:51] it's like a brain reset,
[01:05:54] right?
[01:05:54] It's like you factory reset.
[01:05:56] Yeah. It's like a factory reset. It's
[01:05:58] like when your phone stops working,
[01:05:59] you're like, "How do I fix this?" Reset
[01:06:01] it.
[01:06:02] You know, that's actually a really good
[01:06:03] metaphor. Restart it.
[01:06:05] It's a good metaphor.
[01:06:06] I do that when my Wi-Fi stops working. I
[01:06:08] just I just unplug it. Plug it back in.
[01:06:10] Wait a minute. And plug it back in and
[01:06:12] it starts working again.
[01:06:13] This is getting so bad. Okay. My next
[01:06:16] one is uh this is something that I have
[01:06:19] messed up in the past. I have loved you
[01:06:21] with my own love language.
[01:06:24] Ah,
[01:06:25] so like I will just do this tangible
[01:06:28] example of like I love acts of service.
[01:06:30] So then I would like literally exhaust
[01:06:32] myself, break my back trying to give
[01:06:34] Matt acts of service. Meanwhile, he's
[01:06:36] not feeling any more loved by it because
[01:06:38] that's not exactly like how he wants to
[01:06:41] be celebrated or appreciated. And I feel
[01:06:43] like that was I remember we have this
[01:06:45] like conversation like probably 3 years
[01:06:47] into marriage. You're like, Abby, thank
[01:06:49] you. Like I'm grateful that you do these
[01:06:51] things, but this is not like I like
[01:06:54] words of affirmation. And so I just want
[01:06:57] you to tell me that you love me.
[01:06:57] Yeah. I just want you to tell me. I want
[01:06:59] to hear you say it. What do you like
[01:07:00] about me?
[01:07:01] You're like, "No, but I did." And I'm
[01:07:02] like, "I just want to know. I want to
[01:07:03] hear you verbally say that you love me."
[01:07:06] Yeah. And then not even that. Like
[01:07:07] you're like, "What do you love about
[01:07:08] me?" Like you like
[01:07:09] I'm like trying. Yeah.
[01:07:10] Yeah. You're like You're like, "Can you
[01:07:12] say one thing about me that you like?"
[01:07:13] And I'm like,
[01:07:14] And then meanwhile on my end, I'm like
[01:07:16] showering you with praise. so much
[01:07:18] praise, complimenting you, doing
[01:07:20] everything that I'd want to hear from
[01:07:21] you.
[01:07:22] At least not doing anything.
[01:07:23] And you don't give
[01:07:25] you're like do an act of service right
[01:07:27] now.
[01:07:28] No.
[01:07:29] Show me you love me. Yeah.
[01:07:30] So, um Yeah. And I think that it's
[01:07:33] really important in a relationship that
[01:07:34] you celebrate one another. Yeah.
[01:07:36] But with the caveat of like how they
[01:07:38] want to be and actually feel celebrated.
[01:07:41] So, yeah, that was something that
[01:07:42] definitely messed up and I have learned
[01:07:45] and I'm still learning. We both learned
[01:07:47] a lot.
[01:07:47] We've both learned a lot.
[01:07:49] I think that's a tale as old as this
[01:07:50] time. The whole doing your love language
[01:07:53] for someone else even though it's not
[01:07:55] their love language.
[01:07:56] It's so easy to do though because you're
[01:07:57] like, "How do I feel loved? I feel loved
[01:07:59] when this happens, so I'm going to do
[01:08:00] this."
[01:08:01] It's really like it seems so simple, but
[01:08:03] it's just
[01:08:05] it's it can it's easy to mess up.
[01:08:08] Next one I have I think this is on is
[01:08:10] this or is this number seven?
[01:08:12] Yeah,
[01:08:12] this is number seven. Um, continue to
[01:08:16] date your spouse. It's so simple.
[01:08:18] It's, you've probably heard it before,
[01:08:20] but Abby and I are going on a date
[01:08:22] tomorrow night.
[01:08:23] It'll be our first in a long while,
[01:08:25] though.
[01:08:25] Yeah, we've been doing some travel, so
[01:08:27] it's been hard to make our weekly date
[01:08:29] night happen, but
[01:08:31] weekly has not happened. We haven't had
[01:08:33] a date in actually a couple months, but
[01:08:35] that's fine. We've had a lot of good
[01:08:36] quality time, I would Yeah, we we've
[01:08:38] found ways like we we were in LA for
[01:08:41] this podcast like a month ago and we
[01:08:44] went and got lunch before our flight
[01:08:46] left and so that was kind of like a
[01:08:47] little date that we had.
[01:08:49] When you're a parent to littles, you
[01:08:51] learn to just make the most of those
[01:08:52] like quick moments.
[01:08:53] But I think when you date your spouse,
[01:08:55] you really have to be intentional about
[01:08:57] not talking about the kids or talking
[01:09:01] about chores or different household
[01:09:03] responsibilities. For us, it can be easy
[01:09:05] to talk about business and work um
[01:09:07] because we work together. And so, if you
[01:09:11] are Yeah. Like if you if you've been in
[01:09:14] a long relationship, I think it's so
[01:09:16] important just to put all those like all
[01:09:19] those things aside, especially what
[01:09:22] what's what's the right phrase to refer
[01:09:24] to it? Um just like the the
[01:09:27] distractions.
[01:09:29] Yeah. Like when when you're running a
[01:09:30] household, like you you don't turn date
[01:09:33] night into a household meeting night.
[01:09:36] It needs to be just a time to have fun
[01:09:38] together and talk about something other
[01:09:41] than household duties or, you know, if
[01:09:44] you talk about the kids, I mean, I love
[01:09:46] to talk about my kids.
[01:09:47] They're going to come up.
[01:09:48] They It does come up, but I think
[01:09:50] finding things outside of that that can
[01:09:52] connect you to one another and
[01:09:54] flirt with each other, you know, just
[01:09:55] making the date night actually fun.
[01:09:57] Doing something that isn't just
[01:10:01] You know, you you got to be intentional
[01:10:04] about connection together.
[01:10:06] Yeah. Obviously, we talk about our kids
[01:10:07] a lot, but usually it's like on date
[01:10:09] night, it's like, "Oh, well, this funny
[01:10:11] thing that happened that you didn't know
[01:10:12] about." It's not like
[01:10:14] logistics of parenting together.
[01:10:15] 100%.
[01:10:16] Um, another mistake that I have made in
[01:10:19] the past 10 years together that I
[01:10:21] learned this one early on. I feel like I
[01:10:23] learned this one actually before we got
[01:10:24] married.
[01:10:25] Okay.
[01:10:25] Picking every single battle.
[01:10:28] I feel like that this was a problem cuz
[01:10:30] I remember when we were dating I will
[01:10:32] never forget this. You told me that
[01:10:34] you're like you are kind of like you're
[01:10:36] like nagging me and I remember being
[01:10:38] like
[01:10:41] am I like that was really upending for
[01:10:45] me. I don't really know. I was just like
[01:10:47] I never identified with like being a nag
[01:10:49] but I like was I was like that's because
[01:10:51] I was picking every single battle. And
[01:10:54] so I do think that any long-term
[01:10:57] relationship
[01:10:59] you learn to just let some things go
[01:11:02] like that there's an art to that and
[01:11:04] it's like ah not going to pick that one.
[01:11:06] I feel like we like let go of like
[01:11:08] pretty much every like
[01:11:10] petty argument that we would have
[01:11:12] experienced in our first year of
[01:11:13] marriage
[01:11:14] related to like
[01:11:15] toilet paper, laundry,
[01:11:18] any of the household things. It was just
[01:11:19] like ah
[01:11:21] we let it go.
[01:11:22] Yeah. and for both ways because it's
[01:11:24] like it's not like one of us is like the
[01:11:27] neat freak and the other is we just have
[01:11:30] really just
[01:11:31] become more and more like each other I
[01:11:34] think and it's just made living together
[01:11:36] a lot easier I think
[01:11:38] I agree
[01:11:39] but yeah I def definitely picking every
[01:11:42] single battle was one I was like ah got
[01:11:44] to learn to let that one go
[01:11:47] 100%
[01:11:48] yeah and ultimately it's because you're
[01:11:49] like this is my best friend like Yeah,
[01:11:52] you know what? He puts clothes next to
[01:11:55] the hamper instead of in the hamper, but
[01:11:57] it's like I'll move it to the hamper for
[01:11:59] him because he's my best friend. No big
[01:12:00] deal. Or like you with me. Like, oh, she
[01:12:03] what annoying things I do.
[01:12:06] There's a lot. I mean, I don't know
[01:12:07] where I
[01:12:08] She clips her toenails on the bathroom
[01:12:11] mat.
[01:12:11] I don't care about that.
[01:12:12] I don't care about that because she's my
[01:12:13] best friend.
[01:12:14] Yeah. I think the weird stuff you do is
[01:12:16] kind of funny, actually.
[01:12:17] What do I do?
[01:12:17] Gives you some personality.
[01:12:19] What do I do? you've like really evolved
[01:12:22] as a as a human.
[01:12:23] You've changed a lot so much and looking
[01:12:24] back at old videos really reminds me of
[01:12:26] that.
[01:12:26] Yeah, you've you've really changed and I
[01:12:28] think it's been cool to watch you become
[01:12:33] just a a better version of yourself.
[01:12:36] Like
[01:12:36] thank you.
[01:12:37] I think I think the version of you that
[01:12:39] I have now I think is like the best
[01:12:40] version yet. Honestly,
[01:12:42] that's so nice. So, uh, yeah, I I've
[01:12:46] seen you like put in work and, you know,
[01:12:50] show show up for me in ways just over
[01:12:52] the past this past year that like have
[01:12:56] really meant so much to me. So, I think
[01:12:58] I think that you're uh, yeah, act
[01:13:01] actively like pouring into our marriage
[01:13:04] and actively just
[01:13:07] like you're a really good mom. You do so
[01:13:09] much for our kids. You do so much for
[01:13:10] me. You do so much for for your friends
[01:13:12] and our community. So, um, I just see
[01:13:14] you putting in the work and I feel
[01:13:17] grateful that I get to be married to
[01:13:18] you.
[01:13:18] That's so nice. I feel the same way. I
[01:13:22] really do.
[01:13:22] Thanks.
[01:13:23] Now, this is becoming too mushy gushy.
[01:13:25] Move on to the next one.
[01:13:26] Next one. I think that's it. Was that
[01:13:27] all five?
[01:13:28] No, I have another one.
[01:13:28] Oh, you have one more. Wait, do I have
[01:13:30] one more?
[01:13:30] You should.
[01:13:31] Oh, here's my last one.
[01:13:32] We're only at eight.
[01:13:33] Number nine for me is it's okay to go to
[01:13:36] bed angry.
[01:13:37] We talked about this. I know two of
[01:13:39] these two of mine were in the list, but
[01:13:41] just go to bed. Just go to bed and and
[01:13:44] you're not going to have all the tension
[01:13:46] that you that you have at 1:00 a.m.
[01:13:49] built up in the morning, but actually
[01:13:51] talk about it. Don't just ignore it.
[01:13:52] Don't don't just sweep it under the rug.
[01:13:54] Like actually have a conversation and
[01:13:55] resolve. But I think if you're just like
[01:13:58] letting things escalate and you're both
[01:14:00] tired and and things build, then you
[01:14:02] start just getting into this crazy
[01:14:03] territory will where you're you're both
[01:14:06] not in a mentally good spot. So
[01:14:08] yeah,
[01:14:08] go to bed angry. It's fine.
[01:14:09] I finally I've finally lowered my flag
[01:14:14] or raised my flag of surrender.
[01:14:17] Um okay, my last one is keeping score.
[01:14:20] This one I'm still working on.
[01:14:22] Yeah, keeping score.
[01:14:23] It's so
[01:14:25] easy to do. Yeah, this is things I've
[01:14:27] messed up
[01:14:28] and so I'm like learning and I feel like
[01:14:30] that especially becomes easier as you
[01:14:32] enter parenthood, but it it starts
[01:14:34] before you have kids.
[01:14:36] And that is something that I like still
[01:14:38] struggle with. It is really hard to not
[01:14:40] keep score.
[01:14:41] Yeah.
[01:14:42] And um it's just never ever ever
[01:14:47] going to end up even. Like one day one's
[01:14:51] going to be ahead, one day the other's
[01:14:53] going to be ahead. Like it's just never
[01:14:54] going to end up even. And then it's if
[01:14:56] you if you're both doing that, it will
[01:14:57] just always cause conflicts. It's the
[01:15:00] same thing like tit for tat. You know
[01:15:01] what I mean? Like
[01:15:02] if you just look at marriage as like I'm
[01:15:04] just trying to outserve you and you are
[01:15:06] out trying to outserve me. That is the
[01:15:09] best setup for it cuz we're just both
[01:15:11] like leaning on each other and it just
[01:15:13] feels like we're both, you know, feel so
[01:15:17] loved.
[01:15:18] So that is something that I can't say
[01:15:19] that I've mastered even after 10 years.
[01:15:21] So
[01:15:23] that will be maybe my next goal for the
[01:15:26] next for the next decade.
[01:15:27] Nice.
[01:15:29] Um so that were that was the 10 things
[01:15:31] that we have learned from 10 years
[01:15:33] together.
[01:15:34] To wrap up this episode,
[01:15:37] this is the part that I was cringing
[01:15:39] about.
[01:15:39] What?
[01:15:40] So when we first got married,
[01:15:43] we made a video on the wedding night,
[01:15:45] like after we got back from our
[01:15:47] reception in our hotel room. We're still
[01:15:49] like in our wedding dress and you're in
[01:15:51] your suit.
[01:15:52] Yeah. This was July 6th, 2019.
[01:15:54] And we have this video that we recorded.
[01:15:56] I don't even know why we did this
[01:15:57] because at this point we had never done
[01:15:58] social media at all. Like we just did
[01:16:00] this purely just to have documentation
[01:16:03] just to have us. We have since posted
[01:16:04] the video. Um, but we made a video for
[01:16:07] ourselves, like for our future selves
[01:16:09] from the night, like from literally just
[01:16:11] an hour or like hours after getting
[01:16:13] married and like officially, you know,
[01:16:17] being married. And it was really cool.
[01:16:20] I'm I always say I'm so glad we did
[01:16:21] that. And I'd always give that advice to
[01:16:23] other people to just make a video to
[01:16:25] your future selves like on the night
[01:16:26] that you like your emotions are so high
[01:16:28] like your love is so big. You just made
[01:16:31] this big vow and commitment entered into
[01:16:34] it with so many other people like
[01:16:36] witnesses present. Like I think it's a
[01:16:37] great thing to do that we just kind of
[01:16:38] did by accident. Like it was definitely
[01:16:40] your idea that you like let's do this
[01:16:42] and I'm so glad that we have it. But in
[01:16:45] that video, this is when we say that we
[01:16:47] really um
[01:16:50] we really change a lot. But in that
[01:16:53] video, we made like a goal for our
[01:16:55] future selves or like a message to our
[01:16:57] future selves, like something to look
[01:16:59] on. And my goal to my future self was to
[01:17:03] quote not be so overpowering and
[01:17:05] dominant.
[01:17:08] Wow.
[01:17:10] I want to know context now.
[01:17:11] Why did I What happened? Where did that
[01:17:13] come from?
[01:17:14] I don't know.
[01:17:16] I guess that's up on YouTube. Like I I
[01:17:18] guess that's how our producer found
[01:17:19] that.
[01:17:20] Maybe that was from some like
[01:17:23] premarital counseling.
[01:17:25] I have no idea.
[01:17:26] Where did that come from? Also, maybe I
[01:17:29] was just being a controlling.
[01:17:33] Do you think that I have met that goal?
[01:17:36] You know, I feel
[01:17:37] maybe I still am overpowering dominant.
[01:17:38] That needs to be my refreshing goal for
[01:17:41] the next decade.
[01:17:43] I mean, the the the marriage advice I
[01:17:45] always get when I meet an old married
[01:17:46] couple is happy wife, happy life. So,
[01:17:49] so I don't know.
[01:17:50] Feel like I just, you know, if if mom is
[01:17:53] happy, everybody's happy. I
[01:17:54] Here's the thing. If you would have
[01:17:55] asked me today, like, what did you say
[01:17:57] for your future self on your wedding
[01:17:59] night? I would not have guessed that.
[01:18:02] I'm telling you, I would not have
[01:18:03] guessed that. Oh, I have the turns have
[01:18:05] tabled. I'm just kidding.
[01:18:07] What was yours?
[01:18:08] Mine was to focus on uh focus my life on
[01:18:11] people and relationships and not worry
[01:18:14] so much about business and providing
[01:18:16] because I think I think for me at that
[01:18:19] time I was very focused on how to make
[01:18:23] young marriage work financially. Yeah.
[01:18:25] And I was like stressed about how we
[01:18:27] were going to afford rent and food.
[01:18:30] Well, you also grew up with your like
[01:18:32] your dad had job insecurity growing up
[01:18:34] and so you were kind of probably like
[01:18:36] trying to like you're coming from that
[01:18:37] background
[01:18:37] trying to like I was like over
[01:18:38] correcting for that.
[01:18:39] Yeah.
[01:18:40] Um and honestly I think it's still it's
[01:18:44] still something that I
[01:18:47] like I I struggle with like this like
[01:18:49] relentless pursuit of
[01:18:52] of of more. I think like the goalposts
[01:18:55] always move in life and so I think
[01:18:57] that's still something
[01:18:59] that's a challenge for me and at the
[01:19:00] same time like I I something that gets
[01:19:03] me excited about you know waking up in
[01:19:05] the morning is is dreaming of
[01:19:08] different different creative
[01:19:10] a very driven individual
[01:19:12] high achiever
[01:19:13] I'm yeah I'm passionate about whatever
[01:19:15] it is that I'm working on in the moment
[01:19:17] whether it's music whether it's our
[01:19:19] podcast
[01:19:20] YouTube videos Tik Toks you know
[01:19:22] whatever this mascara company that Abby
[01:19:25] launched. Um, could not be more proud of
[01:19:27] her. But yeah, it's just like I it's
[01:19:31] it's still something that I struggle
[01:19:32] with because I I want to make sure that
[01:19:34] I'm like creating space in my life for
[01:19:36] for pe for relationships. And honestly,
[01:19:39] the I think the best way that that like
[01:19:42] I've changed to be more people oriented
[01:19:45] and relationship oriented is just
[01:19:47] through fatherhood because I I think I
[01:19:48] have such good bonds with our boys and
[01:19:52] I'm just excited to
[01:19:53] to be a part of their life as they get
[01:19:57] older and see how their their passions
[01:20:00] play out, whether it's a sport or
[01:20:02] something in the arts. I'm just excited
[01:20:04] to be a part of whatever whatever that
[01:20:06] is for them. So
[01:20:08] yeah.
[01:20:09] Yeah. I guess I guess what I'm saying is
[01:20:11] like my my closest people in my life are
[01:20:13] just my family.
[01:20:14] Mhm.
[01:20:15] Yeah.
[01:20:16] So I guess we should end by saying what
[01:20:18] would we like to say to our future
[01:20:20] selves today for the next decade
[01:20:23] together. Goodness.
[01:20:26] Uh just keep going. Just take things day
[01:20:28] by day. My piece of advice is I would
[01:20:30] say really work on just like that
[01:20:33] companion
[01:20:35] companionship love
[01:20:37] like work on being best friends. And
[01:20:41] yeah, cuz I just think the more I learn
[01:20:43] about marriage and relationships is that
[01:20:46] like friendship will really carry you
[01:20:48] the furthest. And I feel like so much of
[01:20:51] our early relationship was just like so
[01:20:53] much passion. And I think that there's
[01:20:55] like a place for that. But I also just
[01:20:58] think like in the long term like so many
[01:21:01] life can hand you so many circumstances
[01:21:03] and that passion can feel shallow
[01:21:06] but like deep friendship will like I
[01:21:09] think that will like endure like the
[01:21:11] long term and like weather a lot of
[01:21:13] storms.
[01:21:13] Good.
[01:21:14] So um yeah, thank you guys so much for
[01:21:17] listening. Get yourself a mascara if you
[01:21:19] can. If if the link is there, then
[01:21:23] I think you should shop it. And also, if
[01:21:26] you would like to leave a review on this
[01:21:28] podcast, it is so so so appreciated. We
[01:21:31] seriously can't thank you enough. We
[01:21:33] have a lot of hands that help us. Well,
[01:21:36] actually a few hands that help us with
[01:21:38] this podcast, but they work really,
[01:21:40] really, really hard and we are really a
[01:21:42] tight-knit operation over here. So, it
[01:21:44] means so much to all of us when you give
[01:21:45] us five stars, like, heart, share,
[01:21:48] comment, all the things. And so, I want
[01:21:50] to read this review from Lauren Page 03.
[01:21:54] so so kind. It says, "Thank you. I can
[01:21:56] relate to both of you so much and that
[01:21:58] is why I love listening to your podcast,
[01:21:59] watch your YouTube videos and Tik Toks.
[01:22:01] My husband and I also got married in
[01:22:03] early 20s living in Springfield,
[01:22:05] Missouri, and also experienced a
[01:22:07] miscarriage in January. When I lost our
[01:22:09] baby, this podcast helped me heal and
[01:22:11] not feel so alone, especially with
[01:22:12] becoming pregnant again at the end of
[01:22:14] March. You guys are amazing and I can't
[01:22:16] thank you enough.
[01:22:18] Thank you so much, Lauren, and so sorry
[01:22:20] to hear about your loss, but also
[01:22:22] congratulations on Mhm.
[01:22:24] The new pregnancy
[01:22:26] 100%.
[01:22:26] It's such a hard journey and I wouldn't
[01:22:29] wish it on
[01:22:30] literally anybody of course ever. Ever.
[01:22:32] Yeah.
[01:22:33] But we are so happy for you and proud of
[01:22:35] you for
[01:22:37] moving
[01:22:38] forward with this grief that you have
[01:22:40] now too. So
[01:22:42] anyway, thank you guys so much for
[01:22:44] listening to this podcast. Thanks for
[01:22:46] tuning in every single week and here's
[01:22:48] to another decade together, baby.
[01:22:50] Oh yeah, here's to another decade, baby.
[01:22:51] Love you.
[01:22:52] Love you, too.
[01:22:52] Okay. Okay, thanks guys.
[01:22:54] See you.