# 8 Rules for loving an ENTJ | Season 27 | CS Joseph

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmqmzyD6cVA

[00:01] Hey guys, it's Chase with CSJoseph.life.
[00:04] Doing another episode for season 27.
[00:07] This is episode three, also known as eight rules for love.
[00:12] And tonight we're going to be discussing the eight rules for loving ENTJs.
[00:17] So, eight rules, uh, kind of pretty easy to figure out what the eight rules are for.
[00:25] And since people have different ways of viewing cognitive functions or different ways to interpret, you know, people's behaviors within their functional stack, it is necessary to take each of the functional stacks and then actually, you know, provide some semblance of practical application.
[00:44] And practical application is like the whole point behind what we're even doing here.
[00:51] Excuse the lack of light, uh, if the flashlight runs out of batteries, it is what it is, then you guys get to enjoy a very nice amount of black.
[01:02] As I'm taking my night walk this evening, besides, it's like really nice here at night.
[01:08] I didn't exactly know how nice it was until very recently, but it's just been bloody fantastic.
[01:17] So anyway, I'm actually really liking the scenery out here, having kind of around some wetland and whatnot.
[01:27] But anyway, eight rolls for loving ENTJs.
[01:28] So ENTJs are kind of a very rare breed.
[01:30] They're one of the psychological minorities out there, especially among women.
[01:39] Women, ENTJ women are extremely rare.
[01:44] They're like less than one percent of the population.
[01:48] Very, very rare to find.
[01:50] ENTJ men are also pretty rare, but ENTJ men have a habit of marrying SFJ women consistently.
[01:59] Whereas when it comes to uh...
[02:05] You know, ENTJ women, that's not necessarily the case.
[02:07] I've actually noticed, especially with the coaching practice, a lot of ENTJ women marrying ISFPs, which is kind of interesting because that's like their polar opposite type.
[02:17] And when it comes to relationships, especially amongst each of the 16 types, people, especially in their youth, they get married to people who are their polar opposites due to them just being irresponsible, trying to seek out people that are kind of like the ideal form of them.
[02:37] And that's when camaraderie comes into play, and you know, that's a serious issue that people face.
[02:44] And it leads to duality or conflict-based relationships instead of actually having something with total compatibility.
[02:52] However, remember the whole reason that we're doing this series of season 27.
[03:00] The reason why, and it's people like, why did you jump all the way ahead to season 27?
[03:03] Well, I did it because people were.
[03:06] Really requesting this stuff and you know I figured you know what I'm gonna make it available for the audience.
[03:12] But season 27 effectively represents the well if I'm not in a compatible relationship with an ENTJ for example if I follow these eight rules I will be successful in my relationship.
[03:28] And honestly I think that's a very appropriate uh very appropriate thing.
[03:36] And because here's the bottom line folks, if you're in a relationship with someone, if you're married to someone, you can at least figure out how viable that relationship is just by following these eight rules.
[03:48] And if you follow these eight rules and you follow them perfectly, naturally your partner or your lover, your spouse will actually start you know seeking to have a good relationship with you in kind.
[04:04] However, if they don't or if following.
[04:06] The rules yields absolutely zero fruit.
[04:09] You know immediately that probably it should be recommended that you get a divorce and move on, right?
[04:13] That's what I would recommend.
[04:18] Oh sorry, I messed with the microphone here.
[04:21] So, anyway, just understand that it's our responsibility as human beings to understand each other.
[04:28] Remember, love your neighbor as yourself.
[04:30] And through loving your neighbor as yourself, what business do you have loving anyone if you can't love yourself first?
[04:35] That's why, you know, when it comes to these eight rules for loving, it's not necessarily about the particular type in question.
[04:43] You should also watch the eight rules for loving for your own type.
[04:45] And then as a result of understanding what your own type is basically, and what are the rules that would need to be followed for loving yourself, maybe if you apply those rules to yourself you might be successful in loving yourself.
[05:02] If you want to find out more as to how that works, watch the four pillars of self-intimacy.
[05:04] That's the season 6.
[05:08] Playlist here on this YouTube channel or season six on the podcast cs joseph dot live forward slash podcast.
[05:13] If you guys don't actually, you know, want to watch on YouTube, you can listen while you're commuting, uh, downloading podcasts and not using up all of this, uh, you know, um, gosh, what do you call it, um, you're not using up your data plan, basically.
[05:34] And that's, and that's, I think that's, I think that's very valuable.
[05:36] I think that's very necessary, uh, for a lot of people, you know, to save on their data plan.
[05:44] Wow, this is really nice place.
[05:46] So anyway, moving on.
[05:49] But yeah, eight rules for loving, so just a couple of things about ENTJs.
[05:51] Remember their communication style, their structure type, so they're direct, initiating, control.
[05:55] If you want to understand what that means, watch season 2 and season 15 as that helps you understand the type grid.
[06:03] Also that they are NTs, they're pragmatic, they're abstract.
[06:10] And they're systematic focus on doing the best way of doing things.
[06:14] Because they're control based, they're focused on outcomes, not about the process.
[06:16] They're all about outcomes.
[06:18] That's why they're not going to make a decision unless they know for a fact they're going to get the outcome that they want.
[06:22] And it's all about what they want because they're ENTJs.
[06:26] So understand that.
[06:28] You know, that's their communication style, the disposition as an intellectual, as an NT.
[06:32] You know, it comes from that pragmatism.
[06:34] They're willing to break the rules for getting that better result.
[06:38] They're people that are more likely to, you know, ask forgiveness instead of permission because they're very pragmatic, etc.
[06:47] And you know, all those things are very important, of course.
[06:51] So with that being said, yeah, I almost just like ran into a tree.
[06:53] It's kind of interesting doing some night filming, but you know, why not do some experimentation?
[06:59] It's what YouTube is all about, right?
[07:01] Experimentation, right?
[07:03] You know, it's not like I'm trying to like make my own version of the Blair Witch Project.
[07:06] Let's be straight.
[07:08] So anyway.
[07:10] ENTJs.
[07:12] So, ENTJs, they have a lot of struggles with relationships, a lot of struggles.
[07:18] Especially since, you know, when it comes to their virtual advice and watch, uh, I think it's season seven to understand virtue and vice of each of the types.
[07:26] The virtue and the vice of the ENTJ is altruism or generosity versus greed.
[07:34] And ENTJs are some of the most greedy of all of the types, let's be, let's be straight.
[07:39] But they're also the most generous, they're most altruistic.
[07:42] I'd say like, you know, mostly INTJs, they're Randian objectivist, whether or not they actually identify with that belief system or not.
[07:49] The ENTJ archetype exists as the Randian objectivist.
[07:55] And when you're trying to, like, you know, have eight rules for loving ENTJs, it's like, okay, well, what exactly, what, how does one actually love a Randian objectivist, right?
[08:04] Well, it's actually very, very simple.
[08:09] It's very easy, but you know.
[08:13] Randy and Objectivists, they're ultimately libertarian.
[08:14] They're people who want to have full freedom of choice.
[08:18] They want to be able to earn their way.
[08:20] They expect others to earn their way as well.
[08:22] They want to have the opportunity to be able to earn and do it with a sense of freedom.
[08:28] They also want to be able to, you know, become these people who are very giving.
[08:33] See, let now hold on, this is where people are like, "Okay, well, wait."
[08:39] When you know what, I'm an ENFP, and you say my virtue advice is charity, you know, versus depravity, so what's the difference?
[08:46] So charity, charity is like generosity.
[08:51] It's not the same; what's the difference?
[08:53] The prime difference between generosity and charity is that generosity means you're very giving to one person at a time and you give a lot.
[09:03] That's generosity, right?
[09:03] That's altruism, and you give a lot.
[09:06] That's like dropping five million dollars, boom, on just like one person or one thing, right?
[09:13] You don't do it very often.
[09:15] That's the ENTJ way.
[09:17] But the ENFP way, the ENFP way of charity, well, that's a little bit different.
[09:22] The NFP way is over time because, naturally, you know, path of least resistance for ENFPs is that they can become so depraved and so selfish that they end up having a reputation.
[09:36] They have a reputation of being, um, depraved.
[09:42] They have this crazy reputation of being depraved, and you know that sucks.
[09:46] That sucks a lot.
[09:49] This is why when they're being charitable, charity means you're giving to somebody.
[09:53] It's a small amount but high frequency; it's happening a lot and to a lot of people, which means word gets out that, oh, this ENFP is charitable.
[10:05] And then that, you know, takes away that reputation of depravity.
[10:08] That's a difference.
[10:11] It's about reputation; it's about Te child reputation, whereas from an ENTJ.
[10:15] Standpoint, their generosity or their altruism is actually not about their reputation as much as it is them, their essay child, giving someone the ultimate experience.
[10:26] That's what it's really about, right?
[10:30] So when you're looking at the eight rules for loving ENTJs, you got to keep in mind their virtue and their vice.
[10:37] Because the more you exercise the eight rules for love when it comes to ENTJs, the ENTJ will more likely get closer to their virtue and not their vice.
[10:47] This is one of the results or the reasons why you would want to exercise the eight rules for loving any of the 16 types.
[10:55] But when it comes to ENTJs, it keeps them generous; it keeps them altruistic.
[11:02] If you're an ENTJ and you're watching this, exercise the eight rules for love for yourself so you can learn some additional techniques on loving yourself outside of, you know, taking responsibility for meeting your own needs, having personal standards.
[11:16] Obviously, then also having personal boundaries and enforcing them and then knowing what your personal goals are and then those four combined then you could have a roof over your head of self-respect, right?
[11:27] That's season six content in a nutshell.
[11:31] So in order for you to reach those areas, you become, well, the result as a result of reaching those areas you become altruistic, right?
[11:40] So, but the thing is, it's like what if you're in a relationship with an ENTJ and they're very visible?
[11:45] What happens when you're if you're in a relationship and they're very greedy, they're greedy with their time or their workaholics, right?
[11:53] Or they won't let you spend money or they're being too controlling, etc., right?
[11:58] What if a lot of these bad behaviors is not necessarily their fault but it's actually your fault?
[12:05] What if, what if it's your fault, what if you are the reason because you're not taking care of your half of the relationship with your ENTJ that they feel unloved, that they feel?
[12:17] Disrespected.
[12:18] Remember relationships are all about love and respect, right?
[12:22] And what is the source of what makes that, what makes, what makes someone lovable?
[12:27] It's beauty; beauty makes somebody lovable, right?
[12:29] Well, what makes somebody noble, right, or what, what makes someone respectable?
[12:34] It's all about nobility.
[12:36] Nobility, a man's nobility is what makes him respectable.
[12:38] Now remember, sure.
[12:42] Men, men want love, but not as much as they want respect.
[12:44] It's not good enough for a woman to say I love you to a man.
[12:50] It is not good enough.
[12:52] Women have this problem of falling in love with just about any jackass on the street.
[12:57] Men instinctually know this.
[12:59] You guys don't get that.
[13:01] I recommend you guys watch season four playlist on this YouTube channel and I outline exactly why that is the case, right?
[13:04] Why is C.S. Joseph making this claim?
[13:07] Go to season four, right?
[13:11] Season four playlist on his YouTube channel, watch all six episodes in order.
[13:17] So love and respect, right?
[13:19] Men, you know, but women, women want to be loved not as much as they want to be respected.
[13:23] And there's like all these women, especially ENTJ women, because they're very masculine women, they're like, "Now we want to be more respected than loved."
[13:29] They say that; that's not actually true.
[13:31] That's really not actually true.
[13:34] Because why else do I find ENTJ women, especially in my coaching practice, in abusive relationships, consistently abusive relationships?
[13:43] It's like so crazy to me to watch all these ENTJ women with their ESFJ child giving the men in their life really good experiences, etc.
[13:51] And then all of a sudden, all the sudden, they just allow this constant stage of this constant abuse and this uh the state of codependence.
[14:04] It's absolutely asinine to me.
[14:07] It makes absolutely zero sense, right?
[14:11] And I find this, I find this to be absolutely frustrating.
[14:16] So.
[14:18] Why, why can't people get to a point where they understand that you know you just need love?
[14:32] You know you need, and it's more than just love; it's more than just respect.
[14:35] It's an equilibrium, it's a, yeah, equilibrium.
[14:38] So when it comes to ENTJs, right, you know, it's oftentimes you'd hear the ENTJ women out there because, you know, a lot of them they're very successful in business or will be successful.
[14:50] They're very career-minded because Te hero is all about achievements.
[14:55] Achievement is everything to ENTJs, especially ENTJ women, especially the ENTJ men.
[14:59] Achievement is everything, and they need to have the freedom to achieve.
[15:04] Oftentimes they find themselves in these abusive relationships and their spouse or their partners not even allowing them to achieve because their spouse and partners always trying to dominate their attention or take their choice away or they think less of them and less of.
[15:19] Their capability, and then all of a sudden, the ENTJ starts believing that this part they're believing this person that is supposedly their lover or their spouse is this person who lacks confidence in them.
[15:30] And like, oh okay, if this person who is my spouse who's so close to me really believes this about me or thinks this about me, maybe I'm not as good as I feel I might be.
[15:40] And then that just causes the ENTJ to implode on themselves because they're so afraid of being not good enough, not worthy enough, that they don't even try.
[15:47] And then all of a sudden, they wake up at 40 years old and then they're in the middle of their midlife crisis, right, because they're believing a lie because their lover, their partner, their spouse doesn't actually love them, doesn't actually respect them, right?
[16:00] Well, here you go, ENTJs, here's the eight rules for loving ENTJ so that you know whether or not you are being respected, so you know whether or not you are being loved, so that you could take care of yourself better, so you could take responsibility for meeting your own needs and having personal standards, you know, the rules that you set up for yourself so you can meet your own needs.
[16:20] Or personal boundaries, you know, you the rules that you set up so other people outside of you, this includes your children by the way, this occlusion so that other people do not inhibit you from meeting your own needs, right?
[16:34] What about that?
[16:36] Oh, and then obviously after you have all that figured out, then you have personal goals.
[16:41] Nice, right?
[16:43] So, eight rules, here are the eight rules.
[16:48] Rule number one, here it goes, rule number one, and we're already at 17 minutes in.
[16:52] Rule number one.
[16:54] Rule number one is this: always be brutally honest with your ENTJ, even if it hurts, even if you know it's going to hurt them.
[17:04] Be brutally honest, always tell the truth, always tell them exactly what's on your mind and always exactly what you're thinking.
[17:12] Have you guys ever read the book Attached where you talk about avoidant attachment style, right, avoidant attachment style where you keep everything bottled up inside and you?
[17:22] Don't actually talk about your problems or your feelings or issues, especially with your spouse or your lover.
[17:27] You know, I was with Railgun earlier today and she started talking about how it's really lame that, you know, people out there have conversations about the problems and their relationships with other people instead of actually their spouses, their lovers, etc.
[17:40] Their partners.
[17:42] They actually are willing to have conversation with people that aren't actually the person that it's involved with, and it's like, okay, wait a minute.
[17:48] Those people, those people, the people who have avoidant attachment style, those people are avoidant, right?
[17:54] That's a problem.
[17:58] So being avoidant, that's not cool.
[18:01] Being avoidant, there's no, there's no excuse for that.
[18:05] Okay, so read the book Attached, ENTJs or people who love ENTJs, read the book Attached.
[18:11] It's funny, what type out of all the 16 types is the most likely to have avoidant attachment style?
[18:15] Oh wait a minute, that's the golden pair with the ENTJ, the INTP.
[18:19] That's right, so INTPs, if...
[18:24] You're watching this.
[18:25] It is your duty and your responsibility to read that book and make sure that you gain secure attachment style instead of avoided attachment style because you're just going to cause pain to your ENTJ.
[18:38] And then I would be the guy to recommend to your ENTJ that they make you feel unwanted, that they don't value you, and that they would ultimately leave you and want somebody else.
[18:48] I would tell them that to their face.
[18:51] And I wouldn't feel bad about it; I would feel guilty about it.
[18:53] I would be egging them on and cheering them as they dumped you in the dumpster where you belong because of your inability to come to terms the fact that maybe you should be securing yourself and be willing to express or criticize or tell your ENTJ the hard truth regardless of how it makes them feel.
[19:16] If you are too guilty to tell your ENTJ the truth or too guilty to be honest with them, what the hell, why are you in a?
[19:25] Relationship with them to begin with.
[19:28] This doesn't even make sense to me.
[19:30] Why?
[19:31] I thought you're Ti hero.
[19:33] Why are you allowing feelings, my feelings, to get in the way of Ti hero truth?
[19:39] What are you guys doing?
[19:40] You're supposed to be the most brilliant of all the types other than INFPs.
[19:41] Where's that Ti hero truth?
[19:43] Bring it out, show me.
[19:46] That's all the ENTJ ever wants is brutal honesty, someone who's just gonna be straight up honest with them.
[19:52] To the point where, like, you know, you're like, "Oh, you know, does this make me look fat?"
[19:57] And you know, Ti hero was like, "Yep, yes it does."
[20:04] And then they get all butt hurt, Se child butt hurt about it.
[20:08] But then at least you're honest with them, because the thing is, if you're not honest with them, they're going to lose trust in you.
[20:13] But at least you're willing to criticize them, because now your ENTJ has the opportunity to improve themselves, right?
[20:20] And then you INTP are not butt hurt about the fact that.
[20:27] your entj is dressing ugly or
[20:30] letting their body go or being
[20:32] irresponsible
[20:33] how are they going to change
[20:35] oh but then maybe you have nice guy
[20:37] syndrome let's see another book you need
[20:38] to read is no more mr nice guy maybe
[20:40] you're being too nice
[20:42] see if you're just telling the truth to
[20:43] your entj there's no risk of you having
[20:46] nice guy syndrome or you being too nice
[20:48] you have to be willing to tell the truth
[20:50] the harsh
[20:51] unadulterated unabridged truth that is
[20:54] rule number one
[20:56] tell the harsh truth even if it risks
[20:59] hurting your entj's feelings because
[21:01] that's what they need the most
[21:03] and the reason why they're in a
[21:05] relationship with you to begin with is
[21:08] because you probably used to tell them
[21:10] the truth all the time
[21:12] but instead you got afraid afraid that
[21:15] they wouldn't value you anymore or
[21:17] afraid
[21:18] that they wouldn't you know be willing
[21:20] to have a relationship with you anymore
[21:22] because what oh i was too critical
[21:24] wow maybe you shouldn't be in a
[21:26] relationship with somebody that can't
[21:28] take the heat of truth maybe that would
[21:30] be the more responsible decision right
[21:35] so rule number two
[21:37] always give your entj a choice
[21:40] they're all about
[21:41] their future they're all about um you
[21:44] know sometimes they're very impulsive
[21:46] sometimes though you got to be willing
[21:48] to warn them that what they want to do
[21:52] is irresponsible you want to keep them
[21:55] responsible right
[21:57] responsibility is
[22:00] everything
[22:01] keep them responsible
[22:05] and you know entjs and their youth
[22:07] they're very irresponsible with what
[22:08] they want you know they're
[22:11] it's like hey you know i'm a serial
[22:12] monogamous i'll just you know have sex
[22:14] with whoever it don't matter you know
[22:16] they get very irresponsible they become
[22:18] that party animal all about giving
[22:20] everyone that really good experience all
[22:21] about having the center of attention all
[22:23] about having the reputation of putting
[22:24] on the biggest parties and the biggest
[22:26] everything's right driving the biggest
[22:28] vehicles
[22:29] wearing the coolest clothes going to the
[22:32] biggest clubs big big big go big or go
[22:34] home type of attitude these entjs
[22:37] well it's pretty impulsive so impulsive
[22:40] sometimes that like you know when
[22:42] they're in a relationship with somebody
[22:44] for seven years and that person's been
[22:46] loyal to them for seven years then all
[22:47] of a sudden you know they end up going
[22:50] after someone who's in a relationship
[22:51] with somebody else that's half their age
[22:53] for example what happens then right
[22:57] oh but that entj is being impulsive
[23:00] so you have to be willing to hold your
[23:02] entj accountable give them choices but
[23:04] make sure that they are wise choices
[23:07] make sure that that is the responsible
[23:10] choice
[23:11] so when they tell you oh i want this
[23:13] you'd be like okay yeah sure but is that
[23:15] the wise choice question them is it the
[23:18] wise choice is this the responsible
[23:21] choice for you
[23:23] so what you offer the entj
[23:26] is options
[23:28] you offer the entj options options that
[23:31] yeah maybe if you want to do xanato's
[23:32] gambit they all benefit you in the end
[23:34] but really
[23:35] think about it this way
[23:37] all you have to do is tell the entj what
[23:40] you think is the best choice and why
[23:45] because if you don't they're going to
[23:46] find themselves in a situation where
[23:48] they get impulsive and they're going to
[23:49] want the wrong thing and they are at
[23:51] risk of being irresponsible with what
[23:53] they want which then will
[23:56] turn into
[23:57] you and them having a bad experience
[23:59] together as a result
[24:02] so
[24:03] present the entj with wise choices with
[24:07] responsible choices right not just any
[24:10] choice
[24:11] but
[24:11] choices that
[24:13] ultimately are not impulsive and are
[24:16] planned and calculated and precise right
[24:20] precision of choice provide them with
[24:23] precise wise well thought out decisions
[24:27] so that they are making the best choice
[24:29] so that's rule number two provide entjs
[24:32] with the best choice right
[24:35] rule number three
[24:37] always react positively to everything
[24:40] that they show you they are going out of
[24:42] their way to make a cake or make a meal
[24:46] or hey i bought these clothes today or
[24:48] hey how do you think this looks right
[24:50] always asks you all the time so be
[24:53] honest with them and share with them
[24:56] how you react to that don't be those
[24:58] lazy inps out there or even those lazy
[25:00] enps out there who just choose not to
[25:03] react out of just pure laziness
[25:06] that's annoying
[25:08] it's especially annoying to entjs
[25:10] because it's like i give you feedback
[25:12] all the time i always tell you how i
[25:14] feel all the time but the least you
[25:16] could do for me is taste this and tell
[25:18] me if this meal tastes good to you
[25:21] at least the least you could do for me
[25:23] is try out my new barbecue
[25:25] recipe and tell me if it's any good the
[25:27] least you could do
[25:28] is tell me what you want me what you
[25:31] would prefer
[25:32] me to wear what kind of clothes i should
[25:34] buy
[25:36] what what clothes do i want to buy
[25:37] actually
[25:39] because you're like oh i like that
[25:42] constantly tell your entj
[25:45] what gives you a good experience what
[25:47] makes you comfortable if you don't share
[25:50] that information with them and then call
[25:52] them out later for making you
[25:53] uncomfortable that makes you a hypocrite
[25:57] that makes you hypocrite and that is not
[25:59] love towards an entj that's actually
[26:02] insanely disrespectful and unloving you
[26:05] need to tell them what gives you a good
[26:08] experience because that's why they're in
[26:09] a relationship with you
[26:11] they want to give you the best possible
[26:13] experience ever it's their inner child
[26:15] for crying out loud they just want
[26:19] to
[26:20] give you a good experience they just
[26:21] want you to be comfortable they want you
[26:23] to have the best possible sexual
[26:25] experience ever that they can that you
[26:27] can only get it from them
[26:30] because they want to be that high
[26:31] achiever right
[26:34] that's what essie child is all about
[26:36] that i achieve achiever
[26:38] and then they want to be able to receive
[26:39] credit for their achievements
[26:42] from you
[26:44] so you give them credit by saying wow
[26:46] that was a really good experience you
[26:47] give them wow that was great that was a
[26:49] good bedroom experience you know what
[26:50] i'm saying well that was a really good
[26:51] meal that you made or wow you drove that
[26:53] car really well you have to constantly
[26:56] say hey
[26:58] this is a good experience
[27:00] here's another example demonstrations of
[27:03] loyalty super important
[27:05] share with them share everything with
[27:07] them give them photos of what you're
[27:09] doing throughout the day so they don't
[27:11] feel like that you've been that you know
[27:13] they're they're lost that they're still
[27:14] actually relationship with them
[27:17] because if you're not doing that you
[27:19] know they're so forgetful that they need
[27:21] you to remember everything or at least
[27:23] demonstrate that you care by be like hey
[27:26] you know i'm going to send you a photo
[27:27] of what i'm doing right now right
[27:29] also entjs are big super big on sexting
[27:33] why are you not sexting with yuri and tj
[27:36] lover i highly recommend it although i
[27:38] prefer if you can be sending naked
[27:40] photos of each other be married first
[27:42] like that's like the wise decision
[27:44] so be married
[27:46] but yeah ultimately
[27:49] understand you know
[27:51] demonstrations of loyalty uh as well as
[27:53] saying you know
[27:55] responding and kind to the uh
[27:59] the kind of
[28:01] attention that they give you give them
[28:04] your attention that is rule number three
[28:07] give them positive affirmation in terms
[28:10] of attention right
[28:12] rule number four
[28:14] entjs are so afraid of being bad people
[28:17] they're so afraid of being bad wives or
[28:19] bad husbands or not good enough or not
[28:21] worthy enough
[28:23] that they will go out of their way to do
[28:25] the good thing all the time sometimes in
[28:29] their quest to do the good thing they
[28:31] don't actually do a good thing they
[28:33] think they're doing a good thing but
[28:34] they don't
[28:35] so what you need to tell them is by
[28:37] following rule number one and being 100
[28:39] honest with them
[28:40] when they actually do do the good thing
[28:43] you tell them to their face i think
[28:44] highly of you
[28:46] makes them feel good it makes them feel
[28:48] on cloud nine wow i'm a really good
[28:50] person also
[28:52] you could tell them hey if you do this
[28:54] then that means you're a good person
[28:56] wait a minute that could be used for
[28:57] manipulation be real careful when you
[28:59] use that
[29:01] be real don't be like manipulative or at
[29:03] least
[29:06] um
[29:08] malicious don't be maliciously
[29:10] manipulative be positively manipulative
[29:13] right
[29:14] make them feel good always make your
[29:17] entj feel better about themselves it
[29:20] takes the fear away
[29:22] so when you tell them hey i'm having a
[29:24] really good experience or hey i really
[29:26] think highly of your hey no one makes me
[29:28] more comfortable than you in the whole
[29:29] world or hey that was the best sex i've
[29:32] ever had in my life
[29:33] or hey
[29:35] you say all these things and you're
[29:36] basically reacting to them
[29:38] especially in the bedroom they want to
[29:40] be able to touch you and you react to
[29:42] them instantly touch per touch they want
[29:45] that immediate physical sensual feedback
[29:48] from you are you willing to go that far
[29:51] because if you're not giving them that
[29:52] response or that feedback
[29:54] they think that they're not doing a good
[29:56] job and then they freak out and then
[29:57] there is no
[29:58] sexual compatibility in the relationship
[30:01] you know and then it's like the painter
[30:03] trying to paint the painter you both are
[30:05] aiming your paint brushes at each other
[30:07] and getting everything real dirty
[30:08] whereas one person's got to be the
[30:09] canvas if you're in a relationship with
[30:11] an entj it's your job to be the canvas
[30:15] that means you might be at risk in the
[30:16] bedroom situation of just laying there
[30:20] because guess what entjs want you to be
[30:23] their canvas so be the canvas it's okay
[30:26] luckily for them inps and enps they're
[30:30] pretty cool with being canvases
[30:31] especially inps some inps have described
[30:34] sexual experiences with me where all
[30:36] they did was just lay there
[30:39] because that essie child
[30:41] takes that painting experience very
[30:44] seriously
[30:46] so rule number five rule number five
[30:49] entjs are always so worried about what
[30:53] they think
[30:54] and they're so worried that they're
[30:55] wrong that they will go to multiple
[30:57] sources multiple reference points to
[30:59] their te hero to find what the truth is
[31:01] they're always on this quest to find
[31:04] higher truth right
[31:06] and in part of following rule number one
[31:08] through cognitive access yes by being
[31:10] harsh and true to them that's very
[31:12] useful but every now and then in order
[31:14] to make sure that you are telling the
[31:15] truth it is your job to make sure that
[31:18] you're doing proper research yourself
[31:20] the more research you do that the more
[31:23] input you give yourself makes your ti
[31:26] your intelligence your ability to wield
[31:28] true false itself
[31:30] in a more efficient manner such that you
[31:32] could go to the entj
[31:34] and be like hey
[31:36] you might want to think about this
[31:38] and actually bring the entj reference
[31:40] points sometimes and to get them
[31:42] thinking about things because it takes
[31:44] all of their worry away
[31:46] because they're worried they're not
[31:48] actually that smart
[31:49] and then remind them in their
[31:50] achievements with somebody who's stupid
[31:53] not be or unintelligent not be able to
[31:55] accomplish all these things
[31:57] when someone who is who is stupid not be
[31:59] as artistic as you are right
[32:02] because remember you know you in the
[32:05] relationship you are basically an art
[32:07] project to an entj they need the freedom
[32:10] to create they need the ability to make
[32:13] you into this person who
[32:16] is absolutely everything that they're
[32:18] looking for
[32:19] so
[32:22] so keep that in mind
[32:25] it's really it's really important that
[32:28] you know
[32:30] you're always making sure that you're
[32:31] armed with the proper research the
[32:33] reference points in case for some reason
[32:35] you're they're not able to solve their
[32:37] own poems so that they look to you to
[32:39] solve that problem or if you don't know
[32:41] the answer you have to be willing to
[32:44] find the answer or help them find the
[32:46] answer
[32:47] it takes their worry away because
[32:49] sometimes entj is worried about well if
[32:52] i'm in this situation and i got to react
[32:54] in the moment i might not have all the
[32:56] facts
[32:57] this is especially important in entj's
[32:59] careers i know that we've been talking
[33:01] about sex a lot so far in this lecture
[33:02] but let's talk about their careers like
[33:04] when they're in their careers
[33:06] they need to be in the know they need to
[33:08] have all of the information for proper
[33:10] decision making an entj is all about
[33:13] there are they are decision makers they
[33:15] are executors
[33:16] they can't decision make properly they
[33:18] can't execute properly unless they have
[33:21] all the information
[33:22] if you are withholding information
[33:25] from
[33:26] your entj you are being unloving so
[33:30] that's rule five
[33:31] do not withhold
[33:33] information
[33:35] always provide information and
[33:37] references even if you do not know the
[33:39] answer go
[33:41] find it and bring it to them so they can
[33:44] stop worrying because once the worry is
[33:47] out of the way then they will do a great
[33:50] job an amazing job
[33:52] at that meeting at that seminar
[33:54] at that business at that job interview
[33:57] they will kill it because you help them
[33:59] get all of the information that they
[34:01] needed to be effective
[34:05] rule number six
[34:08] always tell your entj what you're going
[34:10] to do before you do it
[34:12] naturally they get so critical towards
[34:14] other people's intentions that sometimes
[34:17] they get the idea the wrong idea the
[34:19] wrong impression that you're about to
[34:21] cheat on them
[34:23] i have known some entjs who
[34:26] cheat on their partner spouse lover
[34:28] because they jump to a conclusion and
[34:31] assume that the other person has cheated
[34:33] on them
[34:34] it's actually a problem that all njs
[34:36] have the entjs specifically
[34:39] think that's a problem entjs need to
[34:41] realize that just because their opinion
[34:43] of a person can change on a whim doesn't
[34:45] necessarily mean that their lover or
[34:47] their partner or their spouse is a high
[34:49] opinion of them changes on a whim
[34:51] so you have to remind them of that all
[34:53] the time
[34:54] you have to be like listen i have a very
[34:56] high opinion of you and it's not going
[34:58] to change it's also like a demonstration
[34:59] of loyalty for their assy child for
[35:01] following rule number three right
[35:04] is super important
[35:08] they will always be critical of
[35:10] everyone's intentions because the entj
[35:12] automatically assumes regardless of
[35:14] their experiences in their life
[35:16] regardless of the abuses in their life
[35:17] they could have never had a bad
[35:19] experience they could have never had a
[35:20] bad betrayal in their life they could
[35:21] have never been screwed over
[35:23] in their whole life but they will still
[35:26] potentially treat you as if you will
[35:28] betray them as if you are a traitor
[35:32] if they start treating you like a
[35:33] trailer traitor stop being avoidant
[35:36] and then just be like well if i'm gonna
[35:38] do the time i may as well do the crime
[35:40] how about you get in the entj's face and
[35:43] you criticize them and grind them into
[35:45] dust with your harsh truth you know
[35:47] following rule number one
[35:50] so that you're like see
[35:52] i'm not betraying you and then they'll
[35:54] feel bad about themselves and then
[35:56] they'll want to fix the problem because
[35:58] they feel bad he's like okay yeah
[36:01] that's not true
[36:02] i was jumping to the wrong conclusion
[36:04] and i was judging you for something you
[36:06] didn't even do
[36:08] so how do you solve that problem
[36:10] ultimately
[36:11] tell the entj what you're going to do or
[36:14] where you're going to be before you are
[36:16] there the entjs are all about plans
[36:18] they're all about outcomes
[36:20] it's like okay well what's your outcome
[36:23] where are you going to be what's your uh
[36:26] you know
[36:27] why are you going to this grocery store
[36:29] at this time or whatever they just want
[36:31] to know they just want to be included
[36:33] right they want to know what's in your
[36:35] head tell them your thoughts
[36:37] and tell them hey you know what you're
[36:40] going to do or where you're going to be
[36:41] ahead of time just share that with them
[36:44] create a plan a mutual plan that both of
[36:46] you have and agree to it that way the
[36:49] entj feels safe
[36:52] otherwise they're not going to feel safe
[36:54] otherwise they're going to think that
[36:55] their relationship is out of control or
[36:58] they're going to feel that you don't
[37:01] trust them because you're not willing to
[37:03] share what you're doing now
[37:05] granted
[37:06] you may be trying to surprise your entj
[37:10] with something and that happens so you
[37:11] either got to be extra sneaky or you
[37:13] just got to tell them no i can't tell
[37:15] you it's for a surprise
[37:17] that's fine
[37:18] entjs like surprises of course most
[37:21] essay users like surprises right
[37:23] that's how that works
[37:26] rule number seven
[37:29] make sure that you help your entj
[37:32] remember things
[37:34] they need memory tools memory tools like
[37:36] evernote or mind node mind mapping
[37:39] software or note taking software all of
[37:42] these things right
[37:43] very necessary to an entj because
[37:46] they'll forget
[37:48] hold your entj accountable tell them to
[37:50] their face exercising rule number one
[37:52] hey i don't think it's a good idea for
[37:54] you not to be taking notes why where's
[37:56] your notepad
[37:58] why did you forget your notepad why are
[38:00] you taking notes on your phone why
[38:01] aren't you transposing those notes to
[38:03] your centralized note repository like on
[38:05] evernote
[38:06] because if entjs don't store their
[38:08] memories in the physical environment
[38:10] somehow store them outside themselves
[38:12] they will forget
[38:14] they need totems
[38:16] take photos it's absolutely
[38:18] critical that you take photos so that
[38:20] you have totems photos reminders that's
[38:23] what a totem is it's a reminder reminder
[38:25] of past shared experiences
[38:28] because the thing is is that if you
[38:30] really are an entj's lover if you really
[38:33] are in a relationship with an entj
[38:36] the moment you die
[38:38] half of them dies with them with you
[38:40] they lose all their memories because you
[38:42] yourself are a walking reminder of your
[38:44] relationship you yourself is what half
[38:48] of their entire identity is tacked on to
[38:51] they've built their entire identity
[38:52] around you because they have s.i
[38:54] trickster
[38:55] so if you die all their memories die
[38:58] with you this is why it's especially
[39:00] important to make sure
[39:03] you are
[39:05] chronicling your relationship with entj
[39:09] and you are demanding
[39:11] and expecting your entj to chronicle
[39:15] as well
[39:16] it is absolutely critical
[39:19] so make sure rule number seven make sure
[39:23] my entj
[39:25] is chronicling
[39:27] and then rule number eight
[39:31] this is one thing that
[39:33] really bothers me about people
[39:35] you know i ever want to know where
[39:36] resting face comes from
[39:39] see ian tj's especially entj women
[39:43] get constantly demonized or derided by
[39:45] other people especially other women for
[39:47] having resting face or being too
[39:51] emasculating right
[39:53] and it's because women by and large are
[39:55] expected to have
[39:57] really high
[39:58] feelings and feel good and you know make
[40:02] decisions based on emotions whereas entj
[40:05] women make decisions based on numbers
[40:07] and rationale
[40:09] so why
[40:10] why do you expect them to behave in a
[40:12] way that they are not stop doing that
[40:16] recognize that entjs don't give a damn
[40:19] how anyone feels
[40:21] they don't care how you feel they care
[40:23] about how they feel but hopefully you're
[40:25] an intp
[40:26] and you don't have to care about how you
[40:28] feel either because you don't
[40:30] so it makes the relationship great
[40:31] because you don't care about how they
[40:33] feel they don't care about how you feel
[40:35] so
[40:36] no problem no issue right
[40:39] do not hold an entj to the standard of
[40:43] trying to be empathic
[40:46] of oh you need to feel other people's
[40:48] feelings well how would that make you
[40:50] know sympathy is like when someone says
[40:52] well how would that make you feel right
[40:54] when you feel something because you're
[40:56] augmenting the experience that someone
[40:58] has that's what makes entj so
[41:00] sympathetic and ultimately so
[41:04] generous and so altruistic through that
[41:06] sympathy but empathy is actually being
[41:09] aware of how somebody else feels right
[41:12] don't expect an entj to be aware of how
[41:15] anyone feels except themselves it's not
[41:17] their job stop it
[41:19] if you do that
[41:20] and you tell the entj that they're a bad
[41:22] person because obviously they don't care
[41:26] oh wow
[41:27] they're like okay yeah
[41:29] you really think i don't care
[41:31] yeah i really don't care let me show you
[41:33] let me prove to you how much i really
[41:34] don't care
[41:36] you know
[41:37] and then
[41:39] it's very manipulative
[41:41] part of them comes out and they're just
[41:42] like oh hey you know oh i'm gonna love
[41:45] you i'm gonna take care of you right
[41:47] except you'll be in a prison for the
[41:49] rest of eternity
[41:50] or i'm going to cook this meal for you
[41:52] and they'll be laced parasites and
[41:54] you're going to die a horrible painful
[41:55] slow death
[41:57] but you know i just caring about you
[41:58] right i see i'll show you how caring i
[42:01] really am i'll show you right sfe demon
[42:05] right
[42:07] maybe you shouldn't allow iffy demon by
[42:09] coming out by not expecting them
[42:11] to have this ethical code of behavior
[42:15] he entjs are naturally inclined to
[42:17] treating people like numbers and
[42:18] treating people like cattle
[42:20] you have to remind them that they need
[42:22] to be human obviously and criticize them
[42:25] appropriately so they are not treating
[42:26] people like
[42:28] cattle
[42:29] it's very important but at the same time
[42:32] it is not their job to care
[42:35] about other people and care for other
[42:37] people because they've made it their job
[42:39] to care for themselves
[42:41] i have had to care for myself and i've
[42:43] expected nobody else to care for me so
[42:46] why do i have to care about anyone else
[42:48] when no one cared about me to begin with
[42:50] that's their whole point of view and
[42:52] that point of view needs to be respected
[42:55] if you do not respect it their demon
[42:57] will come out and that's because you are
[42:59] being unloving towards your entj
[43:02] so what is the rule
[43:03] the rule is
[43:05] don't expect them to be aware of how
[43:08] anyone feels do not force them to be
[43:11] aware of how anyone feels it's not their
[43:14] job it is their job to be aware of how
[43:16] they feel and it is your job to make
[43:19] them feel better to make them feel good
[43:22] about themselves
[43:23] it is absolutely critical that you do
[43:26] this
[43:28] so
[43:29] let's let's sum up what we've learned
[43:31] today
[43:32] so
[43:33] entjs rule one be brutally honest always
[43:38] share your brutal honest thoughts your
[43:40] entj even if it hurts their feelings
[43:42] it's the only thing they have to grow it
[43:45] is the standard with which they live by
[43:46] and often entjs as
[43:49] their lover spouse
[43:52] partner
[43:53] they hang off of every word
[43:56] so why would you hide the truth from
[43:59] them why would you draw hide your true
[44:01] thoughts from them that's dumb in fact
[44:03] it's stupid don't do it i thought you're
[44:05] supposed to be smart if you're in a
[44:06] relationship with an entj right
[44:09] what are you doing
[44:10] you know on rule rule two
[44:13] always help them make the best
[44:15] choice
[44:17] the best choice is absolutely critical
[44:19] there are a lot of choices out there but
[44:21] they need help making the best one they
[44:23] need help making the right one it's not
[44:26] like an esfp or an estp where you just
[44:29] let them have a choice and any choice is
[44:31] a good choice no no with an entj
[44:34] that choice needs to be the responsible
[44:36] choice help them make the best choice
[44:38] help them make the most responsible
[44:39] choice
[44:40] and then rule three like i said
[44:43] always react positively to anything that
[44:45] they show you demonstrate loyalty to
[44:48] them steadfastness perseverance
[44:50] persevere for them always be there for
[44:52] them be willing to
[44:54] drop everything at a hat for them if
[44:57] they need to
[44:58] and always give them good feedback or
[45:00] negative feedback as needed based on
[45:03] how they look or the meals that they
[45:05] cook or how they sound or anything
[45:07] visual audio or sensory so that they can
[45:10] adjust it to give you a better
[45:11] experience because that's all they want
[45:13] to do right
[45:14] let them be on top in the bedroom that's
[45:17] another good way of putting it
[45:19] rule four always make them be a better
[45:21] person
[45:22] remind them that
[45:24] they are worthy of you
[45:26] basically
[45:28] and then
[45:29] rule five make sure that you help them
[45:31] find answers that they don't know the
[45:32] answers to to destroy that worry that
[45:34] they have and so that you take that
[45:36] worry away by giving them reference
[45:38] points and information
[45:40] rule six
[45:41] always tell your entj what you're going
[45:43] to do before you do it tell them your
[45:45] intentions so that they are not critical
[45:48] of your intentions they do not assume
[45:50] that you are going to betray them
[45:52] rule 7 help them remember everything
[45:55] help them create totems and reminders so
[45:58] they can remember who they are because
[46:00] you yourself will be a totem and when
[46:02] you're gone they won't be able to
[46:03] remember anymore teach them they'll be
[46:05] more effective in their careers as well
[46:07] as their relationship with you if they
[46:09] remember things and they can as long as
[46:11] they chronicle so help your entj
[46:13] chronicle and rule number eight which
[46:15] what we just talked about do not expect
[46:17] them to care about
[46:19] what other people feel like that's your
[46:21] job technically in the relationship it
[46:23] is not their job their job they've had
[46:26] to take care of themselves this whole
[46:27] time it is not their responsibility to
[46:30] take care of somebody else at least
[46:32] somebody else's feelings that is right
[46:34] it's not their job to take care of
[46:35] someone else's feelings in the
[46:37] relationship that would technically be
[46:39] your job because hopefully you're an ntp
[46:42] right
[46:43] so
[46:44] anyway folks
[46:45] that is the eight rules for loving entjs
[46:48] if you found this lecture useful helpful
[46:50] educational enlightening please
[46:52] subscribe to us here on youtube uh also
[46:55] on the podcast
[46:56] leave a like while you're at it and a
[46:58] comment below that would be great i read
[47:00] all the comments lots of comments to
[47:02] read these days haven't been around very
[47:04] much
[47:06] we're still working on that quiz it's
[47:07] coming out guys where people will be
[47:09] able to type themselves on our website
[47:12] it is coming
[47:13] and we'll get that result out to
[47:14] everybody but uh
[47:16] it's been a
[47:18] it's been a long way going and uh also
[47:20] like to thank the entjs and their
[47:22] altruism and their generosity towards me
[47:24] and this community especially some of
[47:26] those of you who are financially uh
[47:29] uh
[47:31] providing for uh for us to keep the
[47:33] lights on even though the lights are
[47:34] technically off right now because it's
[47:35] dark out right so but uh
[47:38] every little bit counts even if it's
[47:39] just five dollars a month on the patreon
[47:41] and that's patreon.com forward slash cs
[47:43] joseph
[47:45] otherwise folks just remember it's your
[47:47] responsibility to follow the eight rules
[47:48] for loving entjs just keep sharing your
[47:51] thoughts give them choices helping reach
[47:52] the best choice
[47:54] respond positively to any experience
[47:56] they give you or negatively so that you
[47:57] can help them give you an even better
[47:58] experience
[48:00] don't hide from them don't hide anything
[48:02] share everything with them help them
[48:03] become better people make them feel good
[48:05] about themselves
[48:06] uh help them make better decisions by
[48:08] giving the proper reference points if
[48:10] you don't know the answer go find it for
[48:12] them or help or go on it on a journey
[48:14] with them to find it tell them what your
[48:16] intentions are help them remember things
[48:18] by remembering for them and also don't
[48:20] expect them to care for other people's
[48:22] feelings because that's not fair to them
[48:24] so if you follow these rules
[48:27] that's you loving an entj and the way
[48:29] that they need to be loved and hopefully
[48:32] they will respond in kind so
[48:34] with all that being said folks this is
[48:36] cs joseph signing off i'll see you guys
[48:38] later tonight